I know the Dope has DEEP divides about weddings, giftings and tipping so I bring you all a new phenomenon. Or the first time for me at least.
I was recently invited to a baby shower and was requested to bring not only a gift (“we are registered at”) but also to substitute a congratulations card with a book.
The most awesome part of this whole thing is that my fobby husband didn’t even get that it was a book meant for the KID so he was like “oh, we will give them that little black book of cocktails that is upstairs in the library. It’s small and cute!” I was so tempted to let him do it but I figured they’d faint away dead. Then when I explained that the book was meant for the child he was quite offended and suggested we gift one of our grad school books.
So, offensive and gift grabby or cute??
(I gave the baby a copy of My Family and Other Animals by Gerald Durrell…because it’s my favourite book ever. It came down to a tossup between Enid Blyton (Malory Towers) and Durrell. I couldn’t find a cheap copy of the The Talking Parcel so I opted for My Family)
So they not only asked for a gift, they asked for two gifts and specified what one of them should be? I’m in the camp that thinks that any request beyond the pleasure of your company is tacky, especially if the shower is being thrown by the honoree. That being said, I like the idea of a book shower. Mainly because I always buy books for baby showers anyway.
Yeah…so invite to shower, the invite has the registry info on it and the “she is registered at” statement and then a separate card/piece of invite “gently suggesting” (hostess’s words) a book in lieu of a card. Like I said, I was thrown for about a minute because it took me a second to process that they wanted the book to function as a card for the baby and my husband flat out misunderstood the request.
I was like “this can’t be a THING” now but from perusing the internet it is The New Registry inside Wedding Invite. I know the Dope is still taking the smelling salts on registry cards inside wedding invites so I figured I’d drag this here like an obedient cat.
Ballsy, yes. But I think it’s fair game. Pretty much everyone knows you’re expected to bring a gift to a shower, and we’ve all been Hallmark-trained to include a card with a gift. This is just allowing another alternative.
Cards are great if you’re into sentimental mementos, but not everyone is. I know I’d rather get books too.
I vote for gift-grab. Books cost more than cards. If the parents really wanted books, they would have only listed them on the registry instead of asking for other (and probably more expensive) stuff too.
As a bibliophile, I think that kids should be read to and should have books available all the time. I’m totally not opposed to giving children books. I do it all the time, often on a whim. I still would have thought that was gift-grabby and would have just bought a book and ignored the request for 2 gifts.
The main reason I wouldn’t do it, personally, is that I know a lot of thoughtful people who gift a well-chosen book at baby showers. I mean I don’t because I am a goblin who writes checks but I have nicer friends and whatnot. Anyway, the point is that for them, the book is the present and the card is the heartfelt “congrats y’all” message.
This new book-as-a-card effectively reduces what a lot of people think of as their main present to “cards” and sends the subtle message of a book not being a “real” gift but just equivalent to a card. Which, I don’t, know if you were just planning to gift a book being asked this might feel a little like saying “thanks for the card, cheapskate.” I wouldn’t want to send that message or put that type of pressure on people. I mean, just register for the books if you want some books.
If you wanted to be charitable, you could assume that your friends wanted to know what everyone else’s favorite kids’ books were so they could expose the baby to books they don’t already know about.
I think it’s an adorable idea. I love the idea of welcoming the little one with a library of everyone’s favorite books. Books are generally inexpensive, so it a small add on to a regular gift. If you want to get a book that’s elaborate, make that the only gift.
Frankly, I think the bar tending guide would be fantastic!
My mom wanted to do this for my son’s shower (he just turned two, to give you an idea of when this was). I love books, but since they cost more than cards, I asked that she say “books in lieu of gifts”. We got a lot of both anyway, since the was the first grandchild on three sides, first great-grandchild on at least one. The best part was that mom included custom nameplates for people to fill out, so now when I read those books to my son I know who they were from and can share when I take to those people how much little Ian loves their favorite book now.
This has been a thing for at least 5 years. The baby for whom I was first asked to do this went to his first day of kindergarten today
I think it’s great! I love when parents read to kids and all my friends love reading to their kids and it’s a nice way to build a special library for your kid made up of all your friends’ favorites. Plus you write a note to the kid in the opening of the book to let them know why it’s so special to you and why you chose it.
I usually give “Go Dog Go” because it’s the first book I learned to read and it’s funny.
I’ve never heard of it before, I’d make sure both presents add up to what I planned to spend. So if I was going to spend $30, I’d still spend $30 on the gift and the book.
If it were me and I didn’t want to be ‘gift grabby’ I’d find some way to even suggest that I’d be happy to take one of your old books from when your kids were toddlers (if you have kids). I have plenty of books/toys in storage bins that’ll probably never get used again (by me) but I keep around ‘just in case’, if someone wanted a few books, have at it.
FTR, at least in my case, since I’m not a pack rat and don’t see kids in my foreseeable future everything I kept is in good condition. Anything that was worn or old got tossed as my kid out grew them. So, at least from me, you wouldn’t get anything with an explanation of ‘this was my kid’s favoriteist book, look at how much she chewed on the corners, the pages are even still sticky from when the dog used to lick all the different textures’.
ETA, the best gift, diapers. Diapers and more diapers. Also, don’t hesitate to give diapers that are a size or two UP. They’ll use them eventually.
I was invited to a shower about 9 years ago where they asked for books - plastic baby books, a copy of your favorite book from childhood, whatever. But the book was all that was asked for, not a book plus another gift. I don’t recall seeing any registry information on the invitation.
I’ve never heard of this, and kinda like the idea. Although I think it would be better executed with “we are registered at…but books are always appreciated” which gives an out.
I wanted books and that is exactly what I did, I registered for books. I also put a note on our two registries that we would be happy to receive books for the baby’s bookshelf. Well made books and recent popular titles are not always cheap. Yeah you can get a book at the dollar store, but this is one time I didn’t necessarily want grab bag gift from the dollar store. I actually wanted people to pick a book out that they liked or that they think we would enjoy reading, and it was probably going to set them back more than $3.
So I vote grabby. If you love books so much then register for them and skip the matching crib sheets.
When I would organize baby showers for work (which I’ve only done once or twice), I’d do diaper showers. I worked in IT and most of the people were guys, diapers were easy for them to pick up at Target and much needed. If people wanted to pick up cute little outfits or get baskets filled with baby lotion and diaper cream, or chip in for a stroller, that was fine - and usually the women did. The men were more than happy to be given an easy out.
Books are an awesome shower gift, but instead of a card is grabby. All my cards are correspondence cards with my name on them on which I write the appropriate note, I don’t buy occasion cards.
The book in lieu of card thing, I can get behind. The books will be around for years and are a nice memento of the occasion, while cards are likely to tossed or stored in a box somewhere. It is a great idea.
The mandatory book plus additional gift part, does not thrill me. It is asking too much.
Supposedly, guests to baby showers should be close friends and family. If you are too chintzy to spring for a couple of gifts for their baby, then you probably should decline the invitation, which is okay, and sends the message that you aren’t really as close to them as they apparently think you are.
Children’s books are our normal gift to friends’ baby showers. We normally give about 10 favorite books that our own children liked as kids.
I think some of you are overestimating the cost of toddler books. There are many to be had for 2-4 bucks. Same as a card, and not going to be tossed out with the wrapping paper.
