I just reread the OP. There’s one friend and 8 to 24 of his buddies doing the pub crawl. I’d avoid suggesting they all come to the Lesbian bar to watch your band play. There’s too many ways this can go wrong, why bother?
As a straight, married man I can tell you I love LGBT bars. If you ask nicely they’ll put sports on for you on one of the TVs, and there’s exactly zero frat boy douchebag bullshit. And everyone is so nice!
Of course: untouchable Girls
And you would have wanted to avoid my local Lesbian Bar, even when the Topp Twins were playing (rats!). It was a pretty rough joint, and was eventually closed down because of the violence.
My aunt did a few gigs at a gay bar, and there was zero problem bringing her 20-25 straight friends along to pay for drinks, eat food, and tip well on an otherwise quiet weekday night. Follow the money.
If the manager says yes, trust the manager to know what she’s doing.
Are you still friends with her, or anybody else that’s a regular at this bar? They could circulate the word that your band and it’s friends are all cool.
Your friends will be cool, right? Even during a bachelor’s party?
I went to a Melissa Etheridge concert a couple of years ago and the girl to guy ratio was at least 12 to 1 (and I suspect many of the girls were lesbian :eek:) . 
Still only problem I encountered was woman using the male restroom because there was no line there. I could see that happening in small club where the patrons are probably using both restrooms on a regular basis since generally guys don’t go there often.
I’ve seen Ani DiFranco three times, and while being a straight white guy at an Ani concert definitely makes you stand out, I never encountered anything that made me uncomfortable. But there’s a difference between one or two guys who are just there to listen to the music, and a crowd of drunken dudes in a bachelor party.
Wow. Triple whoosh on the same person.
Yes, upon further reflection and reading the responses, I definitely wish one of the other venues will be available. Even though I don’t think the potential crowd is excessively “bro”-ey, you’re absolutely right that it just takes one asshole. It’s also complicated because I don’t actually know all of the people who might be a part of this roving party, or who might show up solely to the gig. I can definitely vouch for a few, but past that I have no idea.
Right now I don’t know if we’ll be able to make this happen anywhere.
Sorry to disappoint, but nope. I got the joke. But the poster in question has also expressed attitudes and opinions about gays and lesbians (in other threads) that make it hard for me to believe this joke was 100% lighthearted and in good humor.
My impression is that there exists two kinds of gay/lesbian bars. There’s the one that’s the old classic gay bar that serves the purpose of providing LGBT people a place to be themselves away from society at large (not to mention safely pick one another up.) More recently, though, I think you see a lot of “gay bars” that are pretty much just normal bars that gay people just so happen to hang out at. Not unlike how there’s jock bars or hipster bars or biker bars or whatever.
At one of the old classic gay bars, straight people might not necessarily be unwelcome but bringing a big group would probably be frowned upon. In the other type, it probably wouldn’t be an issue at all. My impression is also that the former type are starting to fade away or turn into the latter type. Of course a bar might also be more classic gay bar-y or not depending on what day of the week it is too.
I’d agree with the others who say if the manager was fine booking you guys, they’re also probably fine with whoever shows up to see you.
If they’re just, y’know, people, then why all the hand-wringing over whether straight men will ruin their lesbian evening? I also thought straight men were just, y’know, people, but apparently they’re not; they’re lesbian-evening-ruiners.
Maybe the lesbians should just build a quick wall to separate the straight men from everyone else. Lesbians are good at construction, right?
I think the point is that there are a lot of places where a bunch of guys on the piss can go and be themselves comfortably, and maybe not a whole lot where lesbians can do the same, and so it might be better manners to leave the women to enjoy their own space in peace, and the guys find someplace else to enjoy themselves.
Why does the presence of straight guys mean the lesbians can’t “enjoy their own space in peace”? Why can’t they all be tolerant and SHARE a public space?
If the lesbians are so intolerant, maybe it will raise their consciousness to have straight men there.
Should 20 black people check with the management before they go to a typically “white” bar? Or are they ok as long as they don’t request rap music and start twerking? (Or is that an offensive stereotype but “straight male asshole” is a factual description?)
Because you go to a lesbian bar to socialise with other lesbians. That might be to try to meet a potential partner, in which case you’re fucked (or rather, you’re not :D) if the bar is full of straight men. It might be to be comfortable being affectionate with a woman without people leering at you, or just looking butch without getting strange looks.
I have taken many straight male friends to lesbian bars and it’s fine. I know them and how they will behave and also they didn’t outnumber the lesbians there. I wouldn’t invite a male bachelor party to a lesbian bar though; bachelor parties tend to get rowdy, I wouldn’t know all the men, and the men would likely outnumber the lesbians. And any town that can sustain a lesbian bar is going to be big enough to have a lot of other bars. The straight men would probably enjoy those bars more too, especially if any of them are single and looking to meet someone.
A straight man above said how much he liked lesbian bars. He wouldn’t like a lesbian bar that was actually mostly straight men because, well, it wouldn’t be a lesbian bar any more and would have the factors he finds problematic in straight bars.
I have had problems with straight men (who came without lesbian friends) in lesbian bars - for some reason they think it’s OK to grope lesbians when I’m not sure they’d do the same in a straight or mixed bar. And the ogling is unpleasant. One bar I used to love decided to be mixed gay and straight, instantly turned into “lets ogle the gays” and changed overnight from the most comfortable place in the area to be gay to the least. It closed after a month or two.
Think of it like, say, a Star Trek convention where you should be free to dress up in costume, not be picked on for being geeky, and possibly meet like-minded spirits who you might want to date. If the convention then invited a load of NFL fans in, enough to outnumber the Star Trek fans, it would no longer be a Star Trek convention and the Trekkies wouldn’t feel as comfortable there. They’d suddenly feel like the nerd outcasts they’d feel like when walking into a regular bar in a Klingon get-up and they wouldn’t have nearly as much chance of picking up a fellow nerd. It wouldn’t be the end of the world or anything, just something that would make the evening less fun for the people the venue is supposed to be fun for.
Despite all this I still think asking the manager if it’s OK is the best way to go. If it’s a really big bar and the straight men are mostly known to the person inviting them then it might well be fine. It doesn’t sound like this is the case (most lesbian bars aren’t that big, so it’s not surprising) so an alternative venue might be better.
Discriminating against someone for not being a lesbian is just as offensive as discriminating against someone for being a lesbian.
The Star Trek convention is a particularly terrible analogy because the bar is always a lesbian bar, not just for a few days. And, as counter-intuitive as it may seem, lesbians don’t wear “costumes”; boots and flannels are just how they dress.
Nope, it’s not. Under law and under any reasonable application of real-life practicalities.
If I can’t go into a bar and lean close to my GF, or hold hands with her, or do anything that that you might do with your GF (I’m making the HUGE assumption that you’re a straight man) or otherwise act like a couple without any PDA warnings, then the bar is not lesbian-friendly. The number of lesbian-friendly bars has gone up over the years and if you’re going with a group of friends you’re probably OK in most straight bars, but even then you do still have to be somewhat aware of trouble.
The “trouble” is usually not violent, just unpleasant. Comments, stares, men coming to sit next to you and try to chat up both you and your GF and not going away when you way you’re together but continuing to sit down and chat you up.
Groping, like I said, is something that rarely actually happens in straight/mixed bars but does happen in gay/lesbian bars with a lot of straight patrons. I mean, women get groped on the odd occasion in straight bars but it actually happens more in lesbian bars on the occasions that a lot of men are there - not being invited as individuals or small groups, but just turning up to a lesbian bar.
Everyone goes to bars for fun, so things that impinge upon that fun do matter.
Lesbians do not wear costumes. I do realise that. We are visible as lesbians when we hold our GFs’ hands or whatever, though. And some lesbians are visible in the clothes they wear that they might only feel comfortable wearing at a lesbian bar.
If you think the temporary nature is important then imagine a lesbian festival, like say a LGBT festival that was mainly aimed at lesbians but was happy to have some men attend. Then imagine that having mostly male bachelor parties attend. Is it now a lesbian festival?
Of course it is, because it’s still headlined by Rosie O’donnell and the Indigo Girls and there are gay pride flags everywhere.
Imagine your Star Trek convention invaded by lesbians. The booths are still all Star Trek actors and whatever else is Star Treky; the lesbians don’t ruin it.
Unless, of course, lesbians do weird shit in public when they get together that I’m unaware of.
No it’s not. This is one of, if not the only, lesbian bar around where these women can go and relax and be themselves. The straight bachelor party has pretty much everything else to choose from.
Well, then why even ask the management?
Actually, the bachelor party has exactly one place to choose from, if they want to see their buddy play.
But you guys are starting to turn me around. I may actually like your argument that it’s ok to discriminate in places of public accommodation if you’re trying to preserve an established atmosphere in a bar, restaurant, or club.
Now, will someone please tell the blacks? (I would do it, but a black guy punched me once so we all know what they’re like. I assume my anecdotal evidence is as convincing as the other anecdotes that have been submitted in this thread.)