This gay barowner bans bachelorette parties in his bar until gay marriage is legal. Cannot say I blame him.
Of course he would never say this is also why, but I can imagine that bachelorette parties in your bars have to get old when you’re gay. It’s kind of like the one place you get to go where everybody’s gay and then straight people want to take that over too? The owner says he has about 6-10 bachelorette parties a week in his bar in the summer. (!)
I know bars which do kick out people who are being loud and bothersome, and that will include some bachelor or bachelorette parties, but I can also see a bachelorette party of the kind that’s just a normal group of girls except for some fancy costumes, choosing to go to a gay bar because they see it as a safe place - a place where the guys won’t see an all-girls group and decide to relieve you from your no-testosterone boredom.
It’s not taking it over, it’s “oh cool, mind if I come in?” The people being asked can always say no, of course.
Yes I agree that gay bars certainly do feel safe and that is a relief. But I have heard that it is somewhat irritating when gaggles of oh-so-naughty bachelorettes come in and act crazy/annoying and touch the dancers almost like they’re at the zoo or whatever. But that aside, and I’m sure not all of them act like that – I can see his point. He says it’s hurtful that he can’t get married and has to see all of these people celebrating who can get married.
I find most bachelorette parties obnoxious in any bar. I’m not a fan of faux-outrageous attention seeking behavior. I’ve been in a few situations where a particularly attention starved party has really ruined the entire venue for everyone else.
I can’t imagine how much more resentful I’d be if I were a club owner and they were driving away my bread-and-butter customers. A gay club that is full of straight girls (and the straight guys that soon follow the girls) isn’t going to stay the hot scene for long.
My friend’s dad is doing the same: won’t marry anyone until he can legally marry any two consenting adults.
It’s such a sad rule to have to make, but I completely understand. Don’t forget that when gay people go out to a bar, they only have a 1/10 chance that the person they are attracted to is even attracted to that gender (let alone to that particular person, the same problem for everyone). Add to that the fact that making a move could pose a real threat to that person, and suddenly a night out is not quite so much fun. So for now, we do need gay bars and clubs that really are for gay people.
Which sucks, because I don’t like clubs all that much, but if we are going I’ll pick a gay club anytime. So much more fun! But I think I’ll just have to give that up myself until our lives are, in practice, far more equal.
When I lived in West Hollywood, I would occasionally go to The Abbey (the bar in the article). First of all, the bar is not all that large - so if you have a group of 12 or more women in a bachelorette party show up and take over, it pretty much ruins it for everyone else.
Sure - I understand a Gay bar is a “safe place” for a bunch of single women to get shit-faced and act like fools - and that is sort of the point of many of these parties - but they certainly don’t help any business and the regulars do not find this amusing or fun. The “regulars” are the people who keep this place in business, so pissing them off just to make a few unknown, non-regular patrons happy is not a wise business idea. Once in awhile, maybe - but to have regular groups show up and treat the place as a Chuck-E-Cheese for hetero women looking to play with the boy toys is not cool.
There is a well known Lesbian bar in West Hollywood (The Palms) that would probably be thrilled to host these parties…but they are also none-too-thrilled to have groups of straight guys show up to ogle the Lesbians either. They also have a rather large, mean bouncer to keep that riffraff out.
If you act like a human being, none of these bars have any problems with non-Gay, non-Lesbian patrons. I used to take lots of visiting friends to such places. Chances are, that is how some of these women even found the place(es) - by going along as “normal” friends to the bars and having a good time, but acting responsibly.
But when you act like you own the place and make fools of yourselves and are generally obnoxious and chasing away the regulars, then maybe it is fair to put the kibosh on these events.
BTW, a (hetero female) friend sent me this article complaining about the tourists who have overrun one of my favorite Gay piano bars in NYC - Marie’s Crisis. I might add that this has been a complaint there for ages - every once in awhile there will be some article about a “hot spot” in Manhattan (Marie’s Crisis always hitting the list) that brings in the tourists (aka Jersey folk) for a period of time - but eventually they do move on to another “hot spot” and everything returns to “normal”.
I think people are conflating two different ideas; one, banning bachelorette parties because straight people using a gay bar as a “safe” place or an “exotic locale” is condescending, annoying, and potentially bad for business, and two, banning bachelorette parties because they are a slap in the face to all the gay patrons who cannot marry, and are kind of like having a baby shower in the waiting room of your local fertility clinic.
Both arguments are defensible, but they are very different. Frankly, the first argument would weaken the social protest value of the second argument.
My own sneaking suspicion is that using the Gay Marriage card is simply more politically correct and easier to enforce than simply saying we don’t want hoards of drunk bachelorettes hassling our patrons. Same results, but less confrontational.
I’m thinking this is not as much of a political point about same sex marriage as a way to ban bachelorette parties. From what I remember about most West Hollywood bars, they aren’t that big, and it would be impossible to avoid a group of drunk 20 something females. Also, West Hollywood bars are very close to each other, easily in walking distance. If I walked into The Abbey, and saw a bunch of drunk females yelling vulgar things, I’d walk right over to Rage (if it is still there) or Mickey’s or whatever other bars have sprung up in that area.
I’ve had the misfortune to run into a couple of bacherlorette parties and I absolutely hate them. I don’t like them the same reason I avoid St. Patrick’s Day and New Years Eve. People who aren’t used to drinking get shit faced drunk and start acting like idiots.
That’s the same point I was making in my simulpost. They don’t want to say, “No obnoxious groups of drunken 20 something females.” because they’re not going to refuse entry to all females. But a bunch of drunk straight females yelling loud comments about their oral sex skills isn’t something that is going to make the bar a welcoming place for gay male patrons who simply want a drink or two and to cruise the eye candy.
They have been denied the right to legally marry, sure. That’s why the ministers not marrying makes sense. They have not been denied the right to get married at all. Nor, more importantly, have they been denied the right to have those same types of parties.
I’m not entirely saying it’s wrong, as I can see the bar’s decision as some type of activism that might be acceptable, but it’s not because it’s tacky or otherwise wrong to celebrate a marriage while gay people are around.
I mean, gay people can even legally marry in some places. It’s a bit more of a hardship, but it’s not impossible. And they could choose to have a bachelor(ette) party at the gay bar, too. My uncles got legally married and had a party for it here in Homophobia, USA. It’s not impossible, just a bit harder.