Books and movies that go in one ear and out the other...

What books and movies have you read or seen, but mysteriously can’t remember? For some reason I can never remember what happens in “A Fish Called Wanda,” and until my most recent viewing I could never remember the plot of “Dr. No.” Oh, and there’s “Stalker,” which no one can remember. I also have zero memory of any Hardy boys book, beyond the covers…

This is how all of my film experiences are. Yes, I know some are great and some are shitty. I still rate them, and rather well, I think. Here are some film reviews, with complete plot synopses, as best I can render them.

Hour of the Wolf? I don’t know, but it’s pretty cool. It’s Bergman, man, and I’m gonna love seeing it again.

Mutiny on the Bounty. The '36 version. Excellent. What’s it about? I think the title says more than I can recount accurately. “Nothing lost, Mr. Christian.”

How about that shitty western where all the actual brothers portray screen brothers in that diahreally self-contained snoozer about the OK Corral? Dunno. But I know to run when I see it again.

Bullitt? One of my very favorites. What happens? This guy, he’s like sort of like a real cop might be… gets in a car chase… airplanes… and Lee Remick. The guy from Jaws is in it, too. Real good.

Ivan the Terrible, part II. Picks up right where the other one I can’t remember anything about left off. Great score. Ivan’s a bad-ass guy, but not someone you want running your chain of gas stations, not unlike the Ulimate Executive Producer of the film, “Uncle Joe” Stalin. Confusing color scene which clashes resoundingly with the syrupy black-and-white. Real good.

Valley Girl. Really sucks. Has Nick Cage in it, though.

Suburbia. It’s like about these punks who see TSOL. And feral dogs eat babies and shit.

Strangers on a Train. Two bad actors get dragged kicking and screaming into a great film, where they team up to travel into the future and kill Danny DeVito before he can do the remake.

2001: A Space Oddysey. An alien force manipulates the development of pre-humans, who evolve to the point of space travel and thereupon discover an alien “sentinel” set up on the moon, which sends a message that the experiment has succeded to the planet Jupiter. A manned expedition to the planet, already planned, is hastily redesigned to attempt to observe and possibly make contact with the alien reciever in the Great Planet’s orbit. Unfortunately, the project’s most important component, the self-aware computer known as HAL, is given an instruction telling it to conceal the truth of the mission from the non-hibernating astronauts aboard. Because HAL is also instructed to never make a mistake, he feels compelled to destroy the human component of the crew and continue the mission without being forced to lie. Human ingenuity overcomes HAL’s plans, destroys his higher brain functions, and becomes the first envoy to the aliens. After a wicked LSD flashback, the envoy is transformed into a post-human protector of humanity.

Dude, Where’s My Car? Didn’t see it.

Show Girls. Wish I didn’t see it.

Like Water for Chocolate. Girl.

The Brothers MacMullen. Girl.

Shaft in Africa. Man.

Something, Queen of the Desert. Gay, and totally cool.

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. Gay, but not a remake of the film above. Okay, my gay pal told me that. I think they’re pretty much the same thing.

Once Were Warriors. Don’t f*ck with them Kiwis. Cool.

The Maltese Falcon. Dude, it’s just the best.

I hope you enjoyed my amnesiac film reviews. I’m sure I’ll provide them again, because I will have forgotten that I gave them now.

Reckless Kelly. That one entered through the eyes and exited without ever touching the brain. I remember going to see it, I remember walking out of the cinema not remembering anything about it. It was so bad, it didn’t even register.

No matter how many times I see Last of the Mohicans, I can’t remember a damned thing about it. It utterly failed to move me in any way, and I’m left with random impressions, like a guy running through the forest at night while Daniel Day Lewis snipes everything that comes near him. Also, Wes Studi was very angry about something or other througout the movie. And some people jumped off of some beautiful scenery at one point.

When I had to read Dickens for school, I’d spend ten minutes trying to read two pages, then get to the end and have no idea what happened. Luckily, usually nothing really had happened, Dickens just decided to describe everything in the general vicinity of the scene.

And I can’t for the life of me recall anything that happened during the South Park movie, but that’s just because I was so drunk at the time. I just remember it being the funniest thing I had ever seen.

The Life Of An Earwig, by Sum Geak

Looking through my vote history at the IMDb…

Breakfast of Champions. Apparently, I saw it just last week. Don’t remember squat about it.

Taxi 2. Had some car chases. Also was the only movie I ever seen where Japanese people in the theater were laughing out loud. I think it was because of all the dumb Japanese stereotypes in the movie.

Celebrity. The box said Kenneth Brannagh, but I think it was just Woody Allen in a toupee.

Countdown. 1996 movie. Absolutely no idea.


Theodore Dreiser’s Americxan Tragedy. IF you can slog through the six hundred pages about working in the basement of a collar factory, he rewards you by braining the girlfriend with a paddle

Sofa King, you’re a funny dude. I love the Strangers on a Train summary, and I like Throw Momma from the Train.

Now, re the OP: Unfortunately, being both a voracious reader and a hardcore movie geek (see sig), I’m cursed to remember almost everything I consume. I actually have a little game where I turn on the TV and flip through the movie channels, trying to name the movies as fast as possible. With very rare exceptions, I can do it with only a brief glance, usually about a second, sometimes two.

That said, The Mexican is in theatres now, and it’s one of the most forgettable-by-design movies I’ve seen in quite some time. Check out the review on my site (see sig) for more information.

I thought Chocolat would be a good date movie… but falling asleep halfway through a date is not generally a good thing.

For a long time Star Wars was a movie I kept seeing over and over and I kept forgetting it. People would say, “Remember when so and so did this?” “Um…no.” It wasn’t that I didn’t like it, I just couldn’t remember any of it. Then I sat myself down and forced myself to watch the entire trilogy and I remember it and like it. This happened a year or two ago.

I saw The Dark Crystal when it was in theaters, and for most of my life I remembered that I had seen it, but I didn’t remember thing one about it. Characters? Nope. Plot? Didn’t know. I bought the DVD last month, and it was like I was watching it for the first time.

Wait–is Russell Crowe in this? And gay? And is his father dying? Do they do that thing where they talk to the camera? I think I’ve seen this, but I haven’t thought about it in years. . .
And I know this book was supposed to change my world, but I remember so very little about On The Road. I read it for the first time when I was young, 12 or so, then reread it was I was 16. And I really don’t remember that much. I rememeber almost every other Kerouac book I’ve read, but not the famous one.

I’ve seen The Unbearable Lightness of Being 4 times and can’t tell you what it’s about or who’s in it. I’m usually the one who remembers all of the actors from all of the movies.

I only know I’ve seen it four times, because on three occasions when I’ve watched a scene in which a woman is standing in front of a full length mirror and asks her husband (lying in bed nearby) if her ass is starting to sag, I’ve realized that he was about to say “No. Now come over here before your ass starts dragging the floor.”

I’ve finally come to the conclusion that this little exchange must be the entire purpose of the movie, as it’s the only one I can remember after four viewings.

Books: the entire reading curriculum of my senior year. I’m pretty sure I read them, but I haven’t the slightest idea what happened. Or maybe I didn’t read them, and that was the problem…

Movies: The Matrix. My sister swears by this movie (she owns 2 copies even!), and watches it every other week. I’d never seen it in it’s entirity. So a few weeks ago, I mentioned that to Scott, he made me sit down and watch it all the way through while we were chilling at my house. To tell the truth? I don’t even remember the name of Keanu’s character.

Ooh, my first post…
Let’s see, “Once were Warriors” is about Maoris in Wellington, IIRC, and sorta makes “Boyz’n tha Hood” look like a Doris Day flick.
The Russel Crowe movie is “The Sum of Us”, and is stunningly excellent…“Up Yer Bum” indeed :smiley:
I must say, to get back on thread, that I can’t remember the plot or anything of the first Star Trek movie, except that it had Voyager in it, I think…and a bald Indian.
Robert Jordan went in one ear and out the other…never again

Dear God–How did I get those movies confused? I have seen Warriors, but I remember so little about it. At least I can quote the Sum of Us. “I’m tired of living in sin with my right hand.”

I am in the uncomfortable position of hating Roger Zelazny’s plots, characters, and prose style, but being utterly fascinated by his ideas. Also, unfortunately, I play Amber a lot. For this reason, I am currently rereading the Chronicles for the third time, and I keep thinking, Wait just a damn minute! I’m positive that passage wasn’t here last time I read this. I doubt, however, that mischevious elves are editing my copy.

I don’t remember anything about “Hannibal”, but that’s probably because I don’t want to.

I do remember that I took a date (it was her choice of movie) and later she had a “headache”. I haven’t seen her since.

Waterland - both the book and movie, went right pass my brain. All I remember are Jeremy Irons and Ethan Hawke being obnoxious.