Boring, Unpopular Christmas Toys

As you know there is a “Dangerous Toy” thread floating around in MPSIMS and it seems that we “Dopers” are doing our best to warn parents of the hazards of these nasty playthings.

However, we don’t want parents to shell out their hard-earned money for toys which children will never use do we ? Therefore as another public service, let us try to warn everyone about these
Extremely Boring, Unpopular Toys”.

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Salvation Army GI Joe™

Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan Action Figure from Galoob™

Rubik’s Brick

One-Knob Etch-A-Sketch™
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So come on folks, let’s save those parents from wasting their hard-earned dollars and start listing other similar toys.

Parents, beware of the following tedious toys:

Supreme Court Justice David Souter Junior Judicial Robes.

Jessica, the non-Urinating, non-hair-growing, non-talking, no points of articulation Baby Doll

or Jessica’s Twin Sister, Olivia, The Baby Doll With Eyes That Seem To Follow You

KeaneTown: Interactive figurines and playsets featuring the cast of the Family Circus.

The Sims: Amazing Actuaries

Stack-A-Cup

My Little Vacuum

Richard Belzer-authorized Law and Order: Special Victims Unit Matchbox cars collection (Series 1)

Roy Acuff Rapping Karaoke Machine

Dictionary: The Looking Up Words Game

Dear Santa…

G.I. Joes Judgement at Nurenburg M.P.

My Dinner with Andre Playset

Todd McFarlane’s Rob Reiner Revisited figures. First up, “Action-Brooding Harry Burns,” from When Harry Met Sally. (Next Christmas, keep an eye out for the X-Treme Nora Ephron series)

Terminator 4: Detante of the Machines action figures—Reenact the philisophically thrilling end to the Terminator series, with peace conferance between Skynet and the human resistance. Use the T-9000 and John Connor figures together, to activate the “action symbolic-handshake” feature!

Any of these war games.

The My First Pet: Realistic Carnival Goldfish. Just like a real goldfish from the carnival gamebooth. Comes in a plastic bag full of realistic water-like liquid. You pour it into the Aquarium (sold separately), which you can decorate with Aquarium Toys (sold separately), and feed it Realistic Goldfish Food (sold separately) and when it dies (within the next 2 days), you can bury it in an Authentic My First Pet Goldfish Coffin (sold separately).

Mr Wizard’s Paperweight Experiments
Comes complete with an extensive instruction booklet which explains:[ul]
[li]The History of Paperweights[/li][li]The Physics of Paperweights[/li][li]The socio-economic geo-political psycho-cultural influence of paperweights[/li][/ul]

Also, has a Do-It-Yourself-Kit which contains most of the materials you will need for an attempt at making your own paperweight !!!

and available soon:
Mr Wizard’s 'Doorstops of Significance’

>>My Dinner with Andre Playset
I loved the end of Waiting for Guffmann where the Chrissie Guest character shows his store display of “Remains of the Day” lunchboxes and…

“My Dinner with Andre” Action Figures.

Parents - do NOT be fooled ----
you would think your kids would really like The 3 Stooges Action Figures until you get the box home and find it consists of Shemp, Joe Besser and Curly Joe DeRita.

Kansas City Chiefs defense video game
(with simulated missed tackles and post-game team fighting!)

Paris Hilton Mensa Game

Vice-President Cheney Action Figure

Slug Farm

The Making of Gigli DVD

CSI: Omaha - littering and jaywalking board game

Hehehe.

My Lil’ Accountant Playset

New for Nintendo 64! Gene Ray’s TIME CUBE!!!

“Tickle Me” Michael

Masters of the Universe IRS Tax Forms

Monopoly: The Tikrit Edition

Here’s some more:

Unleaded: The Gasoline Alley graphic novel

Roadie: The game of setting up and dismantling audio equipment

Harry Potter and the Algebra Class of Despair

Stone Cold Steve Austin Tea Set

Communist Housing Lego™

Trading Spaces for X-Box™

My First At-Home Will Kit

100 Amazing Social Science Experiments!

Chia Pet Head & Chia Pet Sheep--------They Both Blow

Bucket of Monkeys

Barrel of Monkey (think in terms of barrel of cheese)

Checker

Cathy Dress Up Doll with real ACKKKK! action

John Oates and the Second Banana Squad featuring the limited edition “Other Guy From The Pet Shop Boys Whose Name No One Can Seem To Remember” figure

Is there ANY toy that’s better then the box it comes in? All toys are boring compared to a nice big empty box.

Mundane Putty

Topps “Heroes of Competitive Curling” Figures

Hotwheels DMV Playset

Snoopy’s Magic Hummas Machine

Barbies Malabu Dream Hundai

Inert Armstrong