“Ahhh, my love … those eyes, those lips, those nose …”
BZZZZZT! Hang up, try again.
“Ahhh, my love … that hair, that face, that eye …”
BZZZZZT! Hang up, try again .
“Ahhh, my love, I remember seeing you that day with your hair flying in the breeze, and you too proud to go running after it …”
BZZZZZT! Hang up, try again.
Ah, the curve of this spoon is like the curve of the woman. What? No, I know you’re the President of Burundi.
Euty, you are such a goofball!
I’m reminded of a song (I think sung by Johnny Winter) that goes something like this–
Give me back that wig I bought you
Give me back that one glass eye
And when I take back that peg leg
You’re gonna fall right down and cry.*
Ah, such a tender, romantic ballad…
*[sub]Johnny Winter fans, please feel free to correct those lyrics if they’re wrong.[/sub]
“Ah, my love. It delights me to hold you close and listen to the ocean sounds from your shell-like, dainty ear…”
BZZZZZZT!
(By the way, I truly think that you are adorable, Euty.) 
I came across a Spanish copla a few years ago that cracked me up. If it doesn’t qualify for “botched romance”, I don’t know what does. Here it is, with my translation
Te quiero más que a mis ojos, I love you more than my eyes
más que a mis ojos te quiero, More than my eyes do I love you
y si me sacan los ojos, And if they pluck out my eyes
te miro con los agujeros. I’ll adore you with the sockets
Well, I … um … I mean, uh …
Golly.
Your eyes are like dark cesspools of the…
BZZZZZZTTT!!!
Your teeth are like stars…they come out at night.
BZZZZZZZT!
Your eyes remind me of the limpid moonlight shining on the exercise yard through the barbed wire…
BZZZZZZZT!
Your lips are like two fat earthworms, with which I’d like to bait my hook.
BZZZZZZZT!!!
I love the way your thighs jiggle when you run, like Jell-O on a plate…
BZZZZZZZZZT!
Your underarms emit the flora of a forgotten age…
BZZZZZPFPFFT!!
Running my fingers through your golden tresses reminds me that it’s time for an oil change.
BZZZZZZZT!!!
Your deirier reminds me of two giant hams of…
BZZZZZZT!
I’d love you for your mind, but it doesn’t jiggle when you walk.
BZZZZT!
These are funny and all, but what’s the BZZZZT all about? I don’t get it…
BZZZZT = “wrong answer, thanks for playing, try again” (as in game shows like “Family Feud”)
AHHH…i see…thanks
You are all goofballs! These are funny–keep 'em coming!