No, I’m not Lawrence “Mr. T.” Tureaud.
Did you smash the hood of the Franklin?
Ok, that’s a cheat. IQ: Did you severely damage Hood at Franklin?
IQ: Do you plan to bother everybody you meet, and then probably go home and get drunk?
IQ: Did The Dickies express a desire to be stuck in a pagoda with you?
No, I’m not Tippy Turtle (why the hell do I remember THAT???).
No, I’m not General George Thomas.
The only Dickies song I know is their cover of “Nights in White Satin.”
Ask a DQ.
So you’re not Canadian author Timothy Findley, whose novel “Headhunter” centres around a schizophrenic homeless woman who brings Colonel Kurtz to life while reading Joseph Conrad’s “Heart of Darkness” in the Metro Toronto Reference Library.
DQ: Are you fictional?
No.
- I am not fictional.
IQ: Are you a classically trained guitarist who plays jazz, doubling on French Horn, 12 string guitar and piano?
Jazz is one of my Achilles’ heels!
Ask a DQ.
Then you are not Ralph Towner, who was in the band ‘Oregon’, which bridged the spaces between jazz, classical and Indian music. He has become a mainstay of the ECM label, recording at least 20 albums since 1972.
DQ: Are you male?
Sadly for you, it is one of my specialties… As Paris once said “I will be gentle…” 
IQ: Are you buried underneath Mount Etna?
Yes.
- I am or was a real person.
- I am male.
IQ: When a young Oscar Peterson first heard your record, was he so impressed that he thought his dad was fooling him, and that it was actually an album with two pianists?
It was actually John Schofield in battlefield command for the Union, but Thomas, in Nashville to the north, was his commander.
IQ: Did you once, in a bad temper, marvel at Americans’ obsession with bosoms?
Ask a DQ- I’m stumped.
Sigh… you’re gonna keep hitting me with jazz musicians, aren’t you?
Ask another DQ.
I may well have heard the quote in question, but can’t think of it. Ask a DQ.
You are not Typhon, the titan who Zeus defeated by dropping a mountain on top of him.
Born in the 20th century?