Finally, I have emerged from the depths of my local Wal-Mart. I went in there at roughly 12pm local time on Dec. 26th, to pick up a few things with the Gift Card my cheap father got me for Christmas. It is now 6am Dec. 27th. First mistake. I went at 12pm. Second mistake? It was Dec 26th.
I’m not sure about everyone else, but here in Canada, shopping on Boxing Day is an adventure all unto itself. I had never ventured out into this wilderness before, but since my wife suggested I go, sine she didn’t want to put up with everything (her being 7 months pregnant and all) I went.
I decide, since I live 10 blocks away, I would walk, that way I won’t have to worry about the parking. So far, so good. I make my way to the store, and go in. I have seen “seas of humanity” before, but this was something wholly different. Not only was the store packed, but everyone had a glazed over look in their eyes. I decided that since they had 2 litre bottles of pop on sale for 97cents a bottle, I would pick some up. And I’m not talking about the generic crap. I mean real Coca Cola. I make my way there, and I notice taht they have signs stating that there is a limit of 6 per family. I grab 2 for myself, since my weife and I aren’t real big pop drinkers. As I’m doing this, I overhear a woman talking to her son “Take these six bottles, and this money, and if anyone asks, I’m not your mother”. I’m just shocked to see this, considering I would never do something like that myself. (unless it was cheesie poofs on sale).
After seeing this, I decide that with attitudes like this, getting anything else on my list would be disasterous. Scratch that “Pirates of the Carribbean” DVD until tomorrow. So I decide to start making my way towards the till. I pass a couple, who are standing over the last Mighty Beanz in the store, getting ready to violently fend off anyone who come near it as they make sure it is the right colour for their son by calling him. As I make my way past that fiasco, I got bumped by a man from behind. I turned around, ready to accost him for doing such a thing, when suddenly I see a mob running towards me. They are all making their way towards the bedding section, where the stopre has just dropped the price of Beds in a Bag for the next 30 minutes. How much you ask, that would cause a mob to run
? 15%. As I pondered why someone would care tt much over a 15% savings, when they’ll be on sale in a week, I get run over. The soles of many shoes made their way over my body, leaving a few broken ribs, 1 chipped tooth, and I now have a limp. As I brought my battered body up, I made my way towards the till, once again. I start loioking for the short lineups, before realizing “Oh yeah, it’s Boxing Day. There are no short lineups”. I get in line in the 12 Items or less express lane, behinfd the lady with 18 items, and in front of the man, and three screaming kids, who have two full carts. One of the floor supervisors politely approached him, and mentioned that he was over the limit, and asked him to go to the next aisle over. Why, I have never seen anyone become so angry, with the exception of a Canadian Mom at her son’s hockey game after he got a penalty. He flipped. He started screaming and shouting, and his kids started screaming and shouting. So I decided the only way to settle things was to walk over to another line. I did. And after waiting for approximately 18 hours for 2 freakin’ bottles of Coke, I made it out.
The lesson learned - Don’t drink Coke