9:30 in the morning. Circle the lot twice; find someone pulling out; wait for the spot; watch in amazement as someone steals it. Continue circling the lot; mutter under breath. Find a spot by vulturing.
9:40. Walk into the store. Order coffee. Watch as a dad and a four-year-old son joke and laugh while waiting for coffee/hot chocolate. Eavesdrop on a call: “Honey, I’m just about done. Did you think of anything else you need at the store? Okay, I’ve got your coffee now, and I should be home in about 15 minutes. Love you.”
9:45. Sip coffee. Realize it’s lukewarm. Ask barista for hot coffee. Feel slightly guilty when barista fails to put the lid on the hot coffee and scalds himself. But the hot coffee is GOOD, so at least his sacrifice was not meaningless.
Shopping. People, this is not amateur hour. I know you want the kids and SO out of your hair, but don’t send them to the store unless they’ve been trained. It’s tricky during the holiday season – lots of carts, lots of displays in the already-narrow aisles. I saw one man who was a superstar – he seemed to have this innate sense of the rhythm of movement down an aisle. He dodged and darted, and never slowed down, never hit anyone or any display. But he was the exception.
Also, do not abandon your cart so that it’s blocking the aisle. Put your cart somewhere else while you go get what you want.
White pepper. It’s not that exotic. Maybe not a holiday item, but seriously? Why can’t I get white pepper?
Sir, the organic apples are more expensive than the regular apples because they’re organic. Also, the stocker probably doesn’t control the price, so it’s not really worth the time to argue with her over it.
Thank you for having every check out aisle open and all the baggers working. Probably the best part of the shopping experience.
10:23. Walk out to car. Watch the vulture watching me unloading my car. Watch the vulture gesticulate angrily at me for walking away from my car to return the cart where it belongs, which, frankly, would have been easier to do if said vulture weren’t blocking the cart roundup, necessitating a walk to a cart roundup farther away. In response to said gesticulations, walk back to car sloooowly.
Note to self: next time, plan better and shop earlier in the week.