I heard that the “boy-bands” (98 degrees, bsb, n’sync, etc.) are manufactured! Supposedly, some guy puts these bands together. I know this sounds weird, but does anyone know if this is really true? 
“640K ought to be enough for anybody” - Bill Gates
I don’t know, but probably so.
These bands remind me of so many groups in the past (New Kids On The Block, Menudo, Milli Vanilli): rote music “sung” by picturesque boys. Going back further, The Monkees were like this too, but they admitted to being a parody boy(ish) band.
What would Brian Boitano do / If he was here right now /
He’d make a plan and he’d follow through / That’s what Brian Boitano would do.
I hear there’s a factory in Gary, Indiana. Apparently the Donnie Wahlberg model was their best-seller. Just be careful not to get yours wet, as they have a tendency to burst into flames.
I thought that you weren’t supposed to get your boy band wet because it would reproduce, often at an alarming rate. The on fire thing refers to exposing your boy band to light. Not to pick nits, but we have here an important distinction.
My humblest apologies… Wasn’t there also something about feeding them after midnight? I seem to recall it voided the warranty.
Actually it is true, the same happens in England a lot too with female pop groups. THey hold auditions looking for looks, style and some voice anmd dance talent and then cast them all together to make millions (spice girls anyone).
You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.
-
-
- This is no horseshit - it is actually true. I can’t remember the guy’s name; I do recall he’s black. He’s been responsible for a few of the “bubblegum-pop” bands we’ve endured over the last several years.
-
- I happened to run across an interview on TV of him: this was right after some band (?I don’t recall which?) was topping the charts. It was kind of funny and quite surprising.
- The interviewer asked how he can tell if a potential kid is talented: his answer was, he can’t. Talent isn’t what he looked for. He said that the most important thing was that the kid wanted to do it enough to keep on trying, even when things were going bad. They nust be detirmined. Early on, audiences and conditions can be pretty dismal and that’s when the average kid will give up.
- The interviewer asked what the kids needed to know beforehand, like perhaps voice or dancing lessons. He said that they didn’t need to know anything - he would teach them all they needed. During auditions he would look for kids that looked like they were having a good time just trying, and avoided the ones that looked like they were going to throw up if they didn’t get picked.
- The interviewer asked if the kids needed to be able to write songs or play instruments. He said most kids that age can’t play instruments and it’s too much trouble anyway. Even if they can he won’tlet them; that way they can do dance routines on stage, which is what the target audiences prefer to see anyway.
- The interviewer asked if they had to be able to write good music or lyrics; he said it’s too much trouble to let them do that. All the songs are bought. And anyway (paraphrasing) “-the songs don’t have to be good anyway. Just bouncy, something to dance to. You’re trying to sell music to twelve-year-olds - they don’t know what good music is.”
- The interviewer ended with the observation that the groups he managed always blew up after a couple years, and often their reasons included their greedy manager (him). He said that was normal; the kids grow up eventually and aren’t as willing to be led around. As far as him being greedy, during the first stages of a new group, he has to foot almost the entire cost. Since he knows that they will exit and go their separate ways in a couple years, he doesn’t have a long time too make a profit - so yes, they do get a lousy deal at first. They do get a reputation out of it; so it’s not entirely a screw job, but as he said, many of them just aren’t that talented to begin with and tend to do poorly further on. What does he do? -He runs some ads in the newspaper again, and sets up another round of open auditions. - MC
-
-
- Pondering further, me thinks Menudo was the band that was at the top of the charts when I saw this interview. - MC
-
The “guy” you mentioned above was N*SYNCs former manager and promoter (name escapes me) but he does “maufacture” bands. His recipe is insert 5 cute faces, and the lyrics and beats my “owned writers” write, and now perform.
Meaty Cheesy Boys from the Jack in the Box commercials are “owned” by him as well and he pokes fun at himslf in this, but realize this, the “meaty chessies” are set to produce their first album, right after N*SYNC won its freedom a few months ago. Coincidence, or replacements?
At the risk of further distributing an urban legend, I seem to recall that the promoter for Menudo was the Menendez who was killed by his sons, and that there was some hushed-up scandal about his having been a pedophile who molested (some of?) the Menudo boys. Anybody who can confirm or refute that?
What I remember about Menudo was that members were put out to pasture on their 16th birthdays and replaced with fresh 13 or 14 year olds.
Or when their voices changed, whichever came first.
Another trait sought after is the ease of duplication of the faces on Barbie-type dolls.
But artificial bands are far less annoying than folks with absurdly long usernames…
Stochiometry of bands:
I’d say the you have a mathematical proportionality here in band manufacturing. That is, the better looking and better dancing the singer can do, the proportionally less talented the singing has to be. The problem is, over time, the looks/ dancing become generic (because everyone copies them if they are attractive or something new comes along) at which point they need to ‘balance the equation’ back out with better singing.
Some singers get better and start to rely on music more and their look less (i.e. Madonna)
Others, who have a host of songs that are decent, but all sound the same try to compensate with looks (i.e. Mariah Carey who now seems to be in her underwear, a bathing suit, or other slutty outfit-designed-to-get-a-13yr-old-to-buy-it-and-jack-off-to-it on her CD covers)
Incidentally, for frame of reference, I neither listen to Madonna or Mariah Carey, But it seems to me the former has staying power while the latter is on the way out.
Yes, they are manufactured. Both the Backstreet Boys and NSync were created by Trans Continental Studios. If VH1 is a reliable source (I gain all my knowledge from VH1 and MTV News ;)), many of today’s pop sensations started in the Mickey Mouse Club (Britney Spears, Christina Agulera, one of the boy groups). And I believe Rickey Martin was in Menudo.
Yarster,
Interesting image created by the dangling participle in your final parenthetical. Wouldn’t such activities make it harder to open the jewel case? 
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
Louis Pearlman - Created N*SYNC and BSB, he is Trancontinental as mentioned above. He also now owns the meaty cheesies and is behind many more new “cut out and paste” bands.
The producer that created “New Edition” and the “New Kids On The Block” (the white version of “New Edition”) was Maurice Starr. The “New Kids On The Block” begat “Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch” (Mark Wahlberg is the brother of New Kid Donnie). Maurice Starr also tried a boy band headlined by one of his sons, but it didn’t last long. And, yes, I’ll admit that I know this because I was a fan of the NKOTB (hey…I was 14!) BTW, the guy that started some of the current boy bands was auditioning teenage boys in the Chicago area a couple months ago. So another manufactured boy band may be thrust upon us soon.
Unfortunately, I live in the boy band capital (make that buble gum teen pop idol) capital of the world, Orlando, Florida. Yes, there is a guy that scouts the so-called talent at various Disney and Universal productions and holds tryouts for new band creations.
As a bonus for those of us who live here, guess how often these bands songs are played on the radio.
Have you voted for your favorite, huggable Mullinator today?
The Sex Pistols were created by Malcom McClaren to sell his fashions.
(Source: The Wicked Ways of Malcom McClaren by Malcom McClaren)