The ramblings of my mind are strange things. This morning it hit me that for the first time in a long time I am not caught up in a crush on someone. I am not dating anyone, and I don’t even have any concrete plans for the next couple of weeks, apart from work and church.
It’s so strange not to be constantly aware of someone’s presence or non-presence, the way you are when you first begin dating someone or have a crush on them. I mean, this is just me-and I like my own company. I love myself, I like who I am and who I am becoming, for the most part. And I am trying to change those things I don’t like.
Yet, most of my friends are in new relationships, and they seem to feel that I can’t possibly be happy when I’m not. But I really am. I have the time to get things done. Apart from the 40+hours per week that I spend working, my time is my own. Take today for example:
I am heading down to the Oakland Cemetary in Atlanta. It’s where Margaret Mitchell is buried, along with 30+(??) former mayors. The monuments there are beautiful-a lot of old Victorian statues and such. I’ve been wanting to get back down there for a while. So I’m going-it’s sunny and nice.
Then, I’ll come home, shower and head to 5:30 Mass. This is time that is special to me. It lets me reflect on the week that’s past and the week to come, and I miss it when I don’t go. Then maybe a pizza, a beer, and a rented movie, and a pop in here to the boards. Bed when I get tired, and wake up tomorrow when I wake up.
And most importantly, I’ll be happy and relaxed. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to meet someone and get married someday, but it’s not my top priority. In fact, it’s relatively low on the list of things to do. Eh, I love my friends, I just don’t understand them sometimes. But they don’t always understand me either, so we’re even.
And the sad thing is that I had to think this out before I could let myself just go enjoy the day like I want to. No matter though, 'cause that’s just the way I am.