Boy, I think too much sometimes

The ramblings of my mind are strange things. This morning it hit me that for the first time in a long time I am not caught up in a crush on someone. I am not dating anyone, and I don’t even have any concrete plans for the next couple of weeks, apart from work and church.

It’s so strange not to be constantly aware of someone’s presence or non-presence, the way you are when you first begin dating someone or have a crush on them. I mean, this is just me-and I like my own company. I love myself, I like who I am and who I am becoming, for the most part. And I am trying to change those things I don’t like.

Yet, most of my friends are in new relationships, and they seem to feel that I can’t possibly be happy when I’m not. But I really am. I have the time to get things done. Apart from the 40+hours per week that I spend working, my time is my own. Take today for example:

I am heading down to the Oakland Cemetary in Atlanta. It’s where Margaret Mitchell is buried, along with 30+(??) former mayors. The monuments there are beautiful-a lot of old Victorian statues and such. I’ve been wanting to get back down there for a while. So I’m going-it’s sunny and nice.

Then, I’ll come home, shower and head to 5:30 Mass. This is time that is special to me. It lets me reflect on the week that’s past and the week to come, and I miss it when I don’t go. Then maybe a pizza, a beer, and a rented movie, and a pop in here to the boards. Bed when I get tired, and wake up tomorrow when I wake up.

And most importantly, I’ll be happy and relaxed. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to meet someone and get married someday, but it’s not my top priority. In fact, it’s relatively low on the list of things to do. Eh, I love my friends, I just don’t understand them sometimes. But they don’t always understand me either, so we’re even.

And the sad thing is that I had to think this out before I could let myself just go enjoy the day like I want to. No matter though, 'cause that’s just the way I am. :slight_smile:

I am so feeling that. I am the absolute only person in my circle of friends that is not either married or seriously involved. And every time I hear one of them arguing with their spouse or SO over whether they can do a certain thing, I smile. I’ll be with someone soon enough, and I’ll love it when it happens, no doubt. But I’m totally enjoying myself right now. Just being able to be spontaneous and do what I want right on the spur is, as the credit card ads say, priceless.

I wish I could figure out how to enjoy the independence. There is just never a time where I’m not aware of SOMEBODY’S presence or non-presence. I always have crushes, damnit. And the worst part is that not one of them has ever actually amounted to anything.

Wow! Thats wonderful! Enjoy it to the fullest and don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be! :slight_smile:

That must be great!

I only achieved this state by moving about 400 miles from all my previous crushes. I haven’t acted like a blithering doofus for months now. Very refreshing!

The price I pay for this is spending some reaaalllly boring weekends until I actually meet some people around here.