Brandon, you will be missed.

The BBQ Pit
41

I heard from Brandons brother, Rich again today. In his email he said that as far as they can tell, Brandon was not suicidal but had assumed he could handle himself and would just pass out and wake up in a day or so. Those of us who know Brandon know that this isn’t far off from how he thought. He was never afraid of anything, really… he was far, far too reckless for his own good.

Rich also sent me the [url text=“collage”]http://kat.rvamerica.com/Shan/brandoncollage.jpg he made for Brandon’s memorial service. So many beautiful pictures of that boy with the perfect smile… always so playful… always wanting you to smile too.

hugs to everyone

Thank you all so much for being my ear and my shoulder.

42

My empathies to you Malk. I went through the suicide of someone very dear to me several years ago. Though not a “public” one like your friend Brandon’s.

I’m new, and don’t know you, but am a kindred spirit nonetheless.

43

I’d like to add my name to the list of people you can talk to.

Even if you don’t need more support, I’d be very interested in any Brandon stories you have to share. He sounds like some one I would have been glad to call a friend.

44

malkavia, I read the IRC logs last night, and simply was not able to post. Today I read some of the comments that were addressed to you… elsewhere, and am amazed that you managed to keep as calm as you did.

I know it means litle coming from a total stranger, but my heart goes out to you. I have lost loved ones, but never like this, so I can’t really understand what you have gone through. And for Brandon’s family, well, words probably cannot express how they feel.

Personally, I hope that smoke2k is hurting badly now. I do not wish him (?) any physical harm, but he deserves all the guilt he should be feeling.

(And Blackeyes, I guess that illustrates why I never likes Seinfield.)

45

Btw, malkavia I hope you are not persuaded to take the site down… especially not the logs. OK, I will understand if the family requests it - but otherwise, maybe, just maybe, it will serve a useful purpose.

46

Just to clarify, the site memorial at dovee.org is not my site. It belongs to a friend of Venoma’s apparently, and was built and is maintained by someone who knew him online and wanted to do something to honor him. I dont know her, but I do thank her for her intention.

I’m talking to my ex right now (He used to hang out with Brandon and I. The three of us were in our own little world for quite some time) and he’s falling apart too.

I’m proud to have spent some of the best times of my life with Brandon and my ex… and no matter how bad this hurts, I wouldn’t give up those moments for anything.

I screwed up the url to that collage earlier. It’s at http://kat.rvamerica.com/Shan/brandoncollage.jpg

47

OMG reading that chat transcript has REALLY pissed me off!!! I have half the mind to write a pit thread about this! How could they do that?! :mad:

i am sorry for you loss though, malkavia

48

That was horrid. I don’t know what else to say but I feel your pain. They had all that time to call and get help for him but they were just too ignorant to do it. That smoke character kept calling Brandon a “pussy” cuz he wouldn’t take anymore. The people he was chatting with are the pussies for not having the balls to call and get help for this kid. They had a lot of opportunities to do so but they chose not to. I wish that we should find out just who those people are and charge them with murder cuz they just sat by and watched a guy who wasn’t in his right mind to call for help die.:frowning: :mad:

49

malkavia,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. That transcript was… disturbing. How senseless.

Take good care,
W.

50

It’s been 2 days since I read the logs and have to say, I’m still haunted by the thought of a young person whom I don’t even know dying this way.

As I was reading, I also believed that he was not intending to commit suicide but rather thought he could “handle it”. Showing off. What a waste. A tragedy.

My heart is with you malkavia and WeirdOne. No words can express my sorrow for your loss.

:frowning:

51

Disclaimer: I feel deeply for Brandon, malkavia, WeirdOne and everyone else whose life was touched by Brandon. I am by no means telling you how you should feel about any of this.

But…Did you people read the same logs I did? Did you read them word for word? Not everyone in that chat was as callous as Smoke2k.

It seems like it took a while for people to be convinced that Brandon really did take all that shit and wasn’t kidding. After that had been established, I saw a lot of advice being offered. “Eat bread.” “Make yourself vomit.” “No, don’t make yourself vomit. Call poison control.” “Call his mom.” “Call 911.” “Call his ISP.” “Anyone know his last name?” hast, Oea and grphish stood out in particular.

This wasn’t a real-time situation, like with NurseCarmen’s snowmobilers. These people weren’t in the room with him, and furthermore, they didn’t know ahead of time that he was going to do this. It took a few minutes for them to realize that this really was a crisis; after that, for the most part*, they were concerned and trying to help. Don’t damn them all based on Smoke2k. But even he offered this:

Plus, he was the one who at least called Brandon to get a reading on his condition. I know he could have done more than that, but he did do that.

*I did get angry at all the reiterations of “Ripper is a gangster!” And apart from what I posted above, I have nothing else good to say about Smoke2k.

52

It looked like that was a bot, keyed by the word “ripper”. You could see in the chat log where people were playing around, setting it off.

53

Yea, that was a bot Rilch. Otherwise I agree with you, these kids could’ve been alot worse. For the most part they were trying to help and telling him how sad they would be if something bad happened to him.

Like I said in the other thread, it’s not like they were sitting in his bedroom laughing at him. I thought they were pretty compassionate considering that for all they knew he could’ve been pulling their legs.

54

I don’t want to read the chat logs, either. But my heart goes out to you and everyone else who loved Brandon. Add my name to the tlist of people who you can contact if you need to talk.

:frowning:

F_X

55

As everybody else in this thread, I am really sorry for your loss and it was an awful situation.

I would also like to say I was glad to finally read a commentary like rilchiam’s… I was trying to figure out how to say basically the same thing.

Without hijacking a very important thread, I think it should also be pointed out that the reason his “friends” (i put that in quotes not because I think something in that thread really shows otherwise, but because I know how irc acquantainceship works and it’s not always clear) waited so long to call for help was not just from perhaps not entirely understanding how bad his situation was.

They also didn’t want to get their “friend” in trouble. Again, I know in this case that really shouldn’t have been a question, but they didn’t understand that at the time.

I don’t know exactly what the laws are in terms of somebody recovering from an accidental overdose of substances they shouldn’t have possessed, but I know from experience that there often a decision to be made, weighing the possibility of serious health problems vs the perceived certainty of legal problems. It seems to me that if a person survives the ordeal, the law should be such that he goes to counseling but does not face drug charges or wahtever else might be involved.

Any punishment doled out for the purpose of disusading a repeat performance would be completely insignificant next to actually having gone through the experience. If you’re irresponsible enough to do it again (presumably what the punishment was trying to prevent) what is the likelihood that you might actually let the law convince you when you’ve already ignored an infinitely more fearsome recollection.

Of course I can’t say whether or not an earlier call would have made a difference in this case, but it certainly can in many others. If the foreboding shadow of legal repercussions isn’t hanging over a friend’s – or the actual user’s – decision, it seems certain that they will take the necessary action sooner than in the current system.

as an extra note… there would likely be other punishments involved, by parents or other loved ones, that may also be hanging over the decision, but it still seems that removing the legal issues from the equation can make the difference.

those who made the substances available illegally should be held responsible for what they did if this is possible, but their actions constitute drug dealing or unlawful prescription, not murder or some such inflated charge, unless they were egging that person to their death… but that’s a whole 'nother matter entirely, and completely outside of the scope of this thread (I just threw it in in attempt to cover all the bases)

If any of this came off as callous or cold-blooded, I apologize sincerely. I am truly, truly sorry for your loss and extend to you all my sympathy (I’m really not just saying that, i swear). I just think there is more to be said that could perhaps take something positive from this tragic event.

-keith

56

I agree with you, not everyone was as harsh as Smoke2k. I also did not rail against the others as I did Smoke2k. While I don’t think they are as bad, I have a tough time seperating them from Smoke2k. I know that a lot of differing emotions/states of mind/ and other factors come into the posts on the IRC, but I suppose I am looking at this from a position far removed from the actual atmosphere. I’m upset that people weren’t condemning Smoke2k more, on the IRC. I’m pissed that it seemed like everyone had useful advice, but no one wanted to take it. Maybe my anger is misplaced, I accept that. I realize the time frame was quick and it’s hard to think on the moment. I think after a bit, I will realize that some of the others are indeed human beings and are capable of error. Right now, and everytime I read that log, I sit here fuming about what should have been done. It seemed as though they knew his address, why wasn’t an ambulanced sent?
I suppose in the end shoulda, woulda, coulda’s don’t amount to much, and that yes, some of the other’s weren’t as callous and in my opinion, to blame as Smoke2k was, but it’s hard to read the logs without being pissed at everyone involved. Is that right? No, I admit that, but it’s how I feel currently.

57

As I’ve mentioned, in one of his moments of clarity, he says to check the addy on his domain registration and tell the police to look for his car. I know that they were panicked and Im trying to take that into consideration. I appreciate Smoke talking to him on the phone for awhile. I appreciate that some of them knew what course of action should be followed, but I’m completely floored by the fact that no one wanted to be the person to take action.

A couple of our friends visited Brandon’s mom yesterday. She told them that she’d checked on him in the morning and he was lying in his bed and appeared to be sleeping. She checked on him again that evening, and noticed that his skin was dark and he looked stiff. The gruesome reality of the situation is that those kids were the only people who knew what was going on… and they might have been able to prevent it. I’m upset with Brandon for putting those kids in that position… but I don’t think he should’ve died for it.

58

I didn’t really intend on going back and reading any more of the logs, but some of the comments here surprised me.

At around 4:10 there a listing of the drugs taken / about to be taken.

By 4:15 there is already talk of calling someone, they seem to realize the situation is serious, and by about 4:30 someone pops up with an address. But everyone sits around debating what, if anything, to do until 5:25. Apathy isn’t a crime, but I sure as hell wouldn’t consider people who intersperse debate on whether or not to get help for someone they know to be in serious trouble with sophomoric comments for an hour to be dear friends. Ultimately only one of them calls 911, and even then the talk drifts to whether or not they will get in trouble when the logs are analyzed.

It may not have made a difference, and people are responsible for their own actions, but the indifference was appalling.

59

FYI, there’s now a New York Daily News article online about Brandon.

And I’d like to take the opportunity to add condolences. No one should die so young…

60

And the Daily News article was a link on Drudge today, so I expect a great many people have seen it by now. Maybe it will get soem of them to think…