So sorry for your loss. I have had 3 miscarriages, the first one was absolutely devastating. I found out I was pregnant at age 40, we had been trying for a year or so and we were overjoyed. It was Christmas, so of course we told everyone. What better present than a new baby for Christmas! I went in for my first appointment at 8 weeks, right after the holidays. No heartbeat. It was completely unexpected – I had read no threads like this, had no idea how common it was. I opted for the D&C, it was emotionally painful, but not terribly physically painful. Genetic testing on the remains revealed a triploidy – two sperm, one egg. The doctor said the miscarriage was unrelated to my age.
I got pregnant again almost immediately and lost that one nearly as quickly. I had another miscarriage about a year later, also very very early. Both natural miscarriages were very uncomfortable, I would have opted for D&Cs if possible. It was not possible to test the remains in either case, so both losses are a sad mystery. I grieved, especially for the third one, but not nearly with the depths of grief of the first.
After another year, at age 42, my husband and I came to terms that a baby wasn’t going to happen for us. We bought a great house in a crappy school district and set about designing the amazing home office of our dreams. And then surprise, a positive pregnancy test in April. When I went for an early doctor visit, my hormone levels weren’t rising appropriately (should double in 48 hours) and I was advised that the pregnancy would likely not continue. But…we saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks. Had genetic testing at 11 weeks – great results. Every doctor’s check-up was stressful, but Ethan was born healthy and perfect. The home office is still not complete, but we have to move to a better school district anyway.
I do still think of that first little one. My due date was August, that baby (a boy) would be 4.