I’m getting married in May. At first all this wedding stuff was kinda interesting. Now running off to Vegas sounds like a really good idea.
On to my question. . .
My mother wants to have a bridal shower for me. My beloved Bear and I are having a small wedding, about 35 people. Since my mother and I both live with roommates (different sets in different places), finding somewhere for everyone to gather is a challenge.
My mother wants to have the shower in a restaurant, but she can’t pay for everyone’s meal (even if we went to McD’s). Is there a good way to tell the guests to bring no gifts because the meal is dutch? Maybe call this a luncheon rather than a shower?
Why not just suggest to your friends that you meet for a “lunch before the big day”? Then it should be fairly clear that it’s a pay your own way sort of thing.
I’m going to a baby shower at a resturant this weeknd. The way ours was worded was “It’s dutch treat. If you want to bring a small gift, she is having a girl.” I realize that with my group of friends etiquette may not be that perfect anyway, as this is a shower for a second baby (and I went to a diaper shower for a fifth baby just last month!).
I guess I don’t see something like that as a big deal. Then again, my church has money budgeted for bridal & baby showers through the Sunday School (and before they did that, we just passed the plate in whomever’s class it was for).
Yes, but 4 of the 5 showers I have been to in the past few years HAVE been hosted by a relative, so I think that rule of etiquette may be falling by the wayside.
I like the way RachelChristine’s was worded. I don’t know anyone that would have a problem with that.
These days LOTS of people don’t have the space or the financial resources to host an event the way they would like to, and I think most people realize that and are much more flexible.
Thank you all for the input. I really appreciate it
I’m the kind of person that wants to keep everybody happy. To keep my mother happy, I agreed to her organizing the shower. Personally, I’d pass on any celebrations other than the wedding itself. The idea of me being the focus of attention is very, very scary.
Definately don’t call it a shower if it’s to be no-gifts. A shower means gifts (as in ‘to shower with gifts’), and is one of the very few parties at which bringing a present is mandatory. So a no-gift shower is an impossibility.
Your mom having a luncheon for you is fine, though. I don’t recommend that she send out invitations, though, if she won’t be hosting (paying). The proper way to organize a no-host, dutch-treat sort of thing is to do so casually, by phone or email. The best way to word it is to say something like: “Some of us are getting together for lunch a few days before Mouse Maven’s wedding. Would you like to join us?” This makes it pretty clear that it’s no-host.
To make it even clearer, your mom could continue, “We’re going to Luigi’s on Main. Have you been there? The food’s good and not too expensive. The lunch menu ranges from $6.00 to $14.00 or so.” This makes it doubly clear that they should expect to pay for their own lunch.
Many people will ask about gifts, and your mom should respond, “Oh, this isn’t a shower – just a celebratory luncheon.” Some people may bring gifts or cards anyway, so plan for that. You shouldn’t open the gifts at the luncheon, though – take them home and open them there. Then, (of course) send thank you notes for the gifts.
