Help!! Ok…here’s the story…My friend got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor. At first this was a small intimate 20 person wedding and backyard BBQ…this changed and became a 30 person reception at an expensive catering hall…NOW she’s having a 100 person affair at an even more expensive catering hall. Of course, as the maid of honor, I am expected to throw a bridal shower. I am the ONLY person in this wedding party being that the bride has no other close friends. My idea of a bridal shower would be to spend approx. $200 and have it catered at home or in an affordable location. Well, here’s the problem. The brides mother contacted me last week and explained she didn’t want to lose her $500. deposit on the first catering hall (where the wedding was going to be) and wanted to have the shower there. She wants me to put the $500. towards her shower. Well, I found out this place is very expensive approx. $30pp not even including SODA!!! Her $500 deposit would cover having about 16 people when i know she wants to invite about 30…which this # will probably increase being that the wedding plans keep changing. I am assuming they will invite about 35-40 people or so which is going to cost a fortune. This doesn’t even include invitations, decorations, favors, etc. (I have thrown a bridal shower before for my sister so I know it gets expensive) I have a good job and could probably afford this but I do not wish to spend this much money being that i am in other friends weddings this coming year and I am saving money to buy a house and for vacations…etc. My boyfriend says to just tell her to put a limit on the # of people to invite and tell her that is all you can afford, which is good advice, but i am having a problem getting the nerve to tell the brides mother this. Any other advice?? Help!! 
I feel your pain.
Your boyfriend is right, though. There is actually NOTHING that says that you MUST throw a shower for your friend. Sure, it’s kind of custom, but it doesn’t HAVE to happen, and if it does, it’s up to YOU to decide what happens, since it’s your money being put on it anyway (and you’re doing it out of the kindness of your heart.)
If the mom has her heart set on the place, tell her that’s fine, but that you can only budget XX dollars towards this party and you were initially planning to hold it at home so you could keep it within budget and make the shower a fun one for your friend. Tell you you are not against using this expensive hall, but that if you do, you’re capped at spending an extra X dollars over and beyond her deposit, and that this means either restricting the guest list, or having someone else help with the expense. Tell her that all the guests could and WOULD be invited if it were held at your home, but since Mom wants it in a different location, you can’t afford to have everyone.
Whatever you do, avoid having it all turn into a story worthy of Etiquette Hell … 
Good luck!
Repeat after me, sugar, “I’m sorry but that isn’t going to be possible.”
People can’t impose upon you unless you let them. There is no etiquette requirement that you throw your friend a wedding shower – although it is quite common for a Maid of Honor to do so. If you wish to throw her a shower, you are hosting it and you will be in charge of the plans.
Plan the shower you can afford and you want to give – something along the lines of what you did for your sister will be fine. The shower doesn’t have to match the formality or expense of the wedding. Your original plans (a simply catered affair at home or a hall) are perfect.
When your friend’s mother calls back wanting you to use the previous hall, tell her the truth. “I’m sorry. That’s more than I had planned on spending. My apartment building has a community room I can rent for a nominal fee that will hold up to 75 people. I’m planning to rent the room and have the food catered by XYZ – I used them for my sister’s shower and they were quite good and very reasonable.”
She might protest: “But I’ll lose my $500 deposit if you don’t take it over!”
You should reply: “Yes, I’m very sorry about that, but I simply can’t afford to hold the shower there. Maybe if you ask they’ll return at least a portion of your deposit – especially if they’re able to book the room for that date.”
If she continues to protest or insist, simply stick – politely – to your guns, “I’m so sorry, but it’s just impossible.” and repeat as necessary.
Tell the MOB that you’re very sorry she’s out the deposit, but you are not the one who changed the plans after putting down the money, and you cannot accommodate all the people whom you wish to invite at those kinds of prices. You have other obligations, and while you are more than happy to throw your friend a nice shower, you simply cannot do it at that hall.
As for getting up the nerve to tell her all this, do it like you take nasty medicine. Don’t think about it, or put it off, or pussyfoot around trying to psych yourself up. Slam it back and get it over with fast. The more you hesitate about this, the harder it’s going to get, because you’ll have it all built up to monstrous proportions in your mind. Besides, you’re not going to properly enjoy anything with this hanging over your head, so pick up the phone right now and just tell her.