Criss Angel to Britney: “You’re too… heavy… for… my magic!”
Gah! Now that horrible song is stuck in my head!
And although I wish my body looked half that good, it wasn’t a body fit to be sauntering across the stage in a bikini. She looked scared and bored and stoned, and yeah, someone needs to lose their job over this.
Hoo boy, just saw it on Youtube… The wearing of the bikini doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the lack of stage presence. I’m inclined to think like **kung fu lola’s **teacher. Britney could have been far more chubby in a far skimpier outfit, but if she had rocked the stage everyone would be applauding. IMHO, people would be saying, “Of course, Britney’s seen better days, but what a great comeback!” rather than, “What was she thinking!”
MTV is still on the air?
Supposedly.
To take it further – They still make music videos?
Y’know… now that I’ve had time to think about it, this also looks like an act of exploitation of someone who’s down. EVERYONE responsible must have known she was not up to the standards. But no, the suits have a lot of dough sunk into this, so goddammit she WILL make her comeback only on a big-time stage, we ain’t got the time to have her rebuild career and life from the bottom; she’ll deliver us big audiences and big paydays if what it takes is to watch her die; hell, for two years her “career” has been embarassing herself anyway.
I watched the Britney performance and about 3/4 of the way through I thought, maybe she’s holding back because there’s going to be some amazing dance routine before it ends that’ll save the performance. Nope.
Then: Ah, here’s Sarah Silverman. She ought to be able to deliver a scathing yet hilarious commentary on what we were all just subjected to. Um, no. She sucked worse, if that’s possible. What a terrible first ten minutes.
I couldn’t stand it any longer so I watched some Tivo’d This Old House episodes.
No need for You Tube
I Tivo’d the whole 2 hour 10 minute show so I could watch it later and skip over the crap.
I literally watched the entire show in less than 10 minutes.
This is why I tuned in to begin with. MTV having a Video Music Award ceremony is just stupid anyway, they don’t show videos anymore. I wanted to see if it was what I suspected, which is a huge industry wank fest for Approved For Purchase Artists.
As bad and Brit was, and as crass as Silverman was (although she was doing exactly what she was hired to do, which is follow that and snipe Brit through the heart, kind of a MTV Roast of Britany Spears) still the lowest point for me was when they went to one of the “suites” and there was the Foo Fighters with Serj Tankian from System of A Down playing the Dead Kennedy’s “Holiday in Cambodia”. The irony of playing that song to a bunch of brain dead club kids while at a sumptuous Las Vegas hotel………let’s just say I hope that this was being done ironically on purpose.
I understand the scientists are only analysing one word at a time, to ensure they don’t get critically exposed to Teh Suck. I’m told, however, that one of the scientists has accidentally heard two words, and will be hospitalised for quite some weeks as a result. 
Two words? You mean he heard the whole song?
Who closed the show?
Back when Britney first starting going crazy everyone was joking about how K-Fed turned out to be the better parent after all, if he also turns out to be the better performer my brain might explode.
I think we’ll have a better idea once The Song is translated into German…
I heard that Justin Timberlake (who I can’t help but like, damn the haters!) had the best moment of the night. He was standing next to the cast of one of MTV’s spoiled rich-kid reality shows on stage, and said that he wished MTV would start playing more music videos again, and a lot less reality television. I think Justin has come a long way from his boy band days, and is pretty cool and funny and tells it like he is. I’m sure he’s grateful to have dodged a career-ruining bullet by staying with Britney as well.
Timberlake had me at “Dick in a Box”.
Britany didn’t look terrible in her bikini (the camera adds about 10 lbs and there were A LOT of cameras on her), but I couldn’t believe how bad her routine was, considering that’s what she does for a living. A drunk sorority girl dancing on a bar could have done a better job.
Timberland, JT and Nelly Furtado performed a medly of their songs.
Both Spears and Silverman were terrible. Spears wasn’t even “Let’s make fun of it bad”, it was just uncomfortable and you wanted it to be over. The shame of it, according to the girlfriend, being that even when Britany’s music was so-so she used to always be an outstanding dancer.
Silverman physically sucked funny from the room. I’m not real familiar with her beyond watching half an episode of her (IMHO wretched) show but I’ve always heard people say she’s great at stand-up. I sure hope last night wasn’t a customary showing of her “greatness”. Christ, that was bad.
So here’s what a lot of the gossip sites are saying happened:
Supposedly, Britney had this big, huge act worked out with Chris Angel and like, people flying in from the ceiling. At the last minute, Britney was told the venue couldn’t hold it and she was told she had to come up with something else. I sort of believe this story because notice how during her performance the lights are just ON on the stage- no flashing, no various colors, no nothing (I’m talking about the main stage lights, not the background).
Apparently, MTV also promised Britney up and down that Silverman wouldn’t say a word about her kids and then, right before Britney was set to go on stage, she over heard Silverman practicing her monologue. Britney supposedly flipped, telling Silverman it was wrong to talk about someone’s kids and then was basically pushed out onto the stage. I also believe this because after I read the above, I rewatched the performance and when Britney first comes out, she looks PISSED (which quickly turns to a look of just not giving a damn).
Now, certainly any good performer would have just let it roll off their back, but the two above things were two horrible blows to her, I think. While watching the show live, my friends and I were all bemoaning how Britney had what may have been the most monumental FAIL in human history, but now I’m starting to have a little sympathy for her.
Silverman was NOT funny. In fact, I was so uncomfortable I wanted to leave to go run to the store, but my friends wanted to stay to see what else she was going to say. For those of you that haven’t seen it, she said that Britney’s kids are the most adorable little mistakes she’s ever seen and that they are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of (she proceeds to make a face that is supposed to look like an ugly vagina). That’s just. . . disgusting. Make fun of Britney all you want (she said something like: think, just 5 years ago she was a young girl he writhing around in no clothes-- wow, who would have known she had already achieved all she was going to achieve in life), but blasting someone’s babies like that? Not cool. I can see why Britney flipped.
My friends and I have a pet theory: Timbaland was one of the main producers of the show this year. Timbaland has gone on the record saying he HATES Britney and plus, he’s BFFs with Justin Timberlake (Brit’s jilted ex). There was so much that MTV failed at during her performance- the lighting, the cut aways, etc. that you have to wonder if maybe someone was setting her up to fail or maybe even helping along that fail.
Oh, but I will say the cut away to 50 Cent where he’s totally got this look on his face that’s like, “HOE, SIT THE HELL DOWN.” was probably the funniest thing of the night.
And the damn VMAs sucked, sucked, SUCKED this year. What was up with them not showing full performances at least?
Speaking as someone who only subjects himself to images of Britney for the masturbatory fuel, I never thought I would say this:
Britney, honey, put some clothes on.