I like this one , too, jumping as it did on another poster’s typographical error.
And this response to Lobsang’s thread “Which film raises the most questions?”
And one I like to call “Lord of the Zings”, asking about the original identities of the nine ring-wraiths.
duffer
March 25, 2006, 11:55pm
122
I figured the booster shot may double the wait time. So I waited 40 minutes. I’m still sad. You suck.
No, you’re happy. You just feel sad.
Aren’t you supposed to be about 20 years old and posting like a nutcase all over the Web?
Back away from the computer!
rayh
March 26, 2006, 12:45am
125
Aeschines pathetic, really pathetic.
This is a good rant.
You obviously need advice how how to write a good ran. FRom here.
Leave your reason at the door. You must NOT have any form of conventional logic in your flame. If you’re thinking then you’re not writing a flame. This is possibly the hardest aspect of producing a flame and that is why we start with it. Unless you are suffering from a mental illness, you will have spent most of your life following a complex set of social rules. These are a hindrance when attempting a flame. You must create your own world and speak from there. There is no single way to do this, although tired and tested methods include illegal drug intake, sleep deprivation, compulsive masturbation and listening to Marilyn Manson.
Don’t make it too long. This is an immediate signal that some form of reasoning is going on. A true flamer has at most three paragraphs in him/her before the sheer fury and hatred overcomes them and they pass out on their keyboard - hitting the send button with their forehead.
Pick a story to rant about but for God’s sake don’t read anymore than the first paragraph. And don’t read this very carefully either. There are jokes and smatterings of sarcasm and irony in Register stories but these aren’t for you. Everything you (don’t) read is the literal truth as we see it. Once you haven’t grasped the story you can start to twist the words into whatever makes you most angry.
Tie in your hatreds/prejudices. This goes with the previous point. Remember, a flame is not about responding to a story - it is merely the vehicle by which you can tell the world what’s wrong with it. You must however pay the story lip service before you start to explain why kids/dogs/indians/brits/women/socks are the most useless and evil thing in existence.
For god’s sake, don’t start using correct grammar. Apostrophes, capital letters, full stops do not exist in your world. And why spell a word correctly when you can write it phonetically and still get the meaning across? If possible, try to make the flame one long sentence (this is not to be attempted by first-time flamers though). Also, try to write the flame as fast as possible and you’ll find many mistakes just create themselves.
Be deeply and personally abusive to the person you’re writing to. Try to imagine them sleeping with your partner and laughing at you at the same time. Use all the blind hatred that the government has piled into you to help it start a war - for example, repeating the word Saddam or Slobodan or commie over and over again, louder and louder. Then throw out whatever comes into your head.
Word of warning: don’t use too many swear words. Odd one this, but while true flamers will not let a sentence slip past without at least one profanity, imitators put in too many. You see, the flamer will - somewhere deep deep down - have a point to make. Swear words are only to be used when the struggle to explain just how wrong the world is becomes too much to bear and a good “fuck” relieves the pressure in their skulls - briefly.
Do not reread your flame. Tell yourself you will send it as soon as you think you have finished. This will give you the element of spontaneity and will not give your rational mind time to interject.
Celebrate a successful flame by killing something. Many compulsive flamers keep a jar of insects next to their desk just for this reason.
Try harder next time.
glee
March 26, 2006, 1:00am
126
Aeschines:
You didn’t answer my question. But let’s run with what you posted anyway.
What percentage of the board do you actually think would rather have Ekers totally gone, and what percentage of the board would rather have me totally gone, never to post again?
Having read this thread, allow me to join in with everyone else.
Of course I’d rather have Bryan Ekers than a shallow, vituperative poster who doesn’t even know how unpopular he is. :smack:
Oh, he knows. He just doesn’t give a shit.
You tried that already. When come back, bring something new.
It’s still valid. Back away from the computer!
In your case, I fear it will be valid 10 years from now.
rayh:
Try harder next time.
I shall. But now I stand triumphant in the thread. I have turned the other cheek, nay, twisted it to the breaking point! I have made lovers of enemies and spurned the punks that would bruise me!
Or is there anyone left aching for a piece? Hither come, and be broken!
Any time I read a post by someone saying they prefer me to Aeschines, my head swells a little, only to be instantly deflated when I realize the quality of my competition.
That’s not deflation, that’s “popping,” as your head is always maximally swollen.
That comeback wouldn’t impress an eight-year old, let alone me. In any case, now that the short-lived “hug” phase is apparently over, I invite you to try again while I continue searching my posts (anyone know how to look back more than 750?) for more gold nuggets to amuse myself and the crowd.
'Tis impossible. All you can do is start your search further back.
'Tis the very definition of damning with faint praise.
So I should make my comebacks simpler for you?
In any case, now that the short-lived “hug” phase is apparently over, I invite you to try again while I continue searching my posts (anyone know how to look back more than 750?) for more gold nuggets to amuse myself and the crowd.
Thus far, your “fans” really don’t seem all that impressed.
Oh, and BE , I never gave you a hug. In fact, I shall now give you anti -hugs.
}}}}Bryan Ekers{{{{
Fear not–they’re unfriendly but harmless.
Frank
March 26, 2006, 2:50am
139
You can also search one forum at a time. That’ll give you your last 750 in that forum.
Dear me, it’s the “'Tis Nerds.”