…the Vogon constructor fleet,which at this very moment…
…writing an epic poem on the virtues of…
…the shut down of the slave market in West Virginia…
…which will bring the production of dried apple headed dolls to a screeching halt, there by accomplishing…
…the last preparatory phase of the Post Office’s plan to attack UPS & Fed Ex with Giant Atomic Lawn Darts. The resulting chaos will cripple these firms, lead to an upsurge in the sale of Andy Williams records, and…
… the eventual triumph of the Publisher’s Clearing House!! VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!
After the Earth is sufused with PCH junk-mail, the grays will proceed with their plan to…
. . . take down the 12 secret rulers of the World replacing them with an Artificial un-intelligence known as . .
The Great Karnak, played by Johnny Carson and revealed to be the love child of Cher and . . .
Bigfoot, whose crack-cocaine induced frenzy with an electric nail gun resulted in the perforation of James Arness of Gunsmoke, who was, in reality…
jerry mathers…who, as we all know, was deeply involved in the creation of…
…the animatronic George W Bush. Meanwhile, back in Area 51, the real Al Gore (not the animatronic one that we’ve seen on TV) is secretly plotting his revenge, which involves…
…Large quantities of beer and economic data. Drunken financial analysts…
…emboldened by the incessant pronouncements of Alan Greenspan, declare the Worldwide Peoples’ Capitalist Republic, and furiously denounce the ‘democratic obstructionism’ of governments. In the confusion, an agent of the True Hacker Underground steals the main fuses from all of the members of the SEC, revealing them to be animatronic robots. “President” Bush…
…went in for a major overhaul after it was revealed by Cecil Adams that “he” is the stupidest President in history. However, the overhaul failed because…
…Redmondian Anamatronics Engineers accidentally replaced OEM Corporate-sanctioned parts with generic GPL parts. This allowed the Open-Source underground to…
…engineer a political defection and greatly advance the cause of the Upstart Forty-Two. (fnord) Meanwhile, the CIA-implanted cetaceans in Mexico are in peril due to the incompetence of their…
…Greenpeace Generalissimo Pablo (Paco) Jimenez, who, while in a pot-induced frenzy, commandeered a Schwinn and pedaled about the countryside, declaring…
…that ‘anything else would be different!’ while distributing little tracts labeled ‘Please Clean Up This Planet Or We’ll Be Really Disappointed’ on one side and ‘Jesus saves, but Moses makes incremental backups!’ on the other.
The masses, revolted by this confusion of their hopes and dreams, moved instead toward the Free-Range Libertarian School of Thought, completely unaware that they were simply abandoning one tentacle of the Great Conspiracy for another.
And indeed it came to pass. For, foolishly believing that the ‘cathode rays’ emitted by their television tubes were completely harmless as advertised, they sank into the over-friendly embrace of their couches, and they watched…
…Seinfeld! And Roseanne! And Wheel Of Fortune! (All [sub]TM[/sub]
And the Lords of Hollywood saw that thier coffers fill to over flowing, and they rubbed their scaly claws with glee, for they were, in fact…
…Fond of screwing-up posts and failing to preview. But additionaly, and more frightening, they were…