I pit myself, here. Since it is perhaps more self-pity than self-pit, I think I’m in the right forum for it. It is Mundane but important in my monde , probably Pointless (although I am skewered nonetheless), but I am Impelled to Share it.
Placing the first bundle of faggots at my feet: in the course of a thread in another forum I was struck by what seemed like a knacky notion. I PM’d a member with a comment on a related matter, hoping for a response that might lead to a thread on the topic. I had not previously ‘interacted’ with PosterX, true enough, but the PM feature is there and I used it.
The second bundle of faggots is a much stouter bundle, composed of thicker bits of wood, some thorny ones, all soaked in pitch: in another thread I succumbed to a fit of smart-assery and posted a sarcastic and bitter comment in response to a serious question.
The third bundle of faggots is tiny, but the pile is now up past my knees: A moderator chided me. I PM’d the moderator and apologized. Thereupon some confusion ensued during which I was under the mistaken impression that my post was being moved to another forum. That was soon straightened out and I thought the matter was ended. I felt quite stupid and would have apologized in the thread, but decided against it in favour of just staying out altogether. If only the decision to refrain from posting had been made 1 post sooner!!! I didn’t realize I was bound to the stake as tightly as Jeanne d’Arc once was, that I had listened to an inner voice that had guided me grossly astray.
Then, lightning struck and the flames engulfed me. I was hurled onto the hibachi of humiliation. Anyone looking toward southwestern British Columbia on that evening would have seen the sky lit with a red glow: my blush of mortification. The poster I had PM’d uninvited now responded, but not in a friendly manner, nor on the topic I had suggested. PosterX had taken enormous offense at my sarcastic and bitter comment (as mentioned above) and seemed offended that I had PM’d in the first place. The concantenation of crass bad manners on my part (intruding uninvited via PM) with the bitchy barb in the wrong thread led to a message from PosterX that scorched the screen and crushed my keyboard and mangled my mouse.
Mortified? Hardly expresses it, except that the “mort” in “mortified” means “dead” and I nearly was. It is one thing to be a fool, but another thing altogether to be made a fool of, and worse yet to make a fool of yourself. I was the lowly worm ground under heel, the toad under the harrow: it was my foot in my boot, my team was hitched to the harrow.
So there we are. I am still embarassed, still find it impossible to click on my PM icon, still fear PosterX will hurl another thunderbolt at me. I feel the way you feel in junior high when you make a jackass of yourself in front of the cool kids. I’m trying to laugh about it, but it’s hard to laugh when you are only a heap of ashes.
Enough. I am still angry at myself. I will get over it in time, but I am a famous grudge-holder and will make myself writhe a bit more first.
