Did you miss the part where he has a will that divides things equally? And he’s not trying to sell the house, just get it ready to sell. Not necessarily evil or greedy, in my opinion.
I didn’t, no. But I’m afraid of this:
Except that FIL hasn’t asked anyone to do this. Granted, a conversation starting with “You’re going to die soon, would you like us to help get the house ready for sale?” would be uncomfortable, not to mention presumptuous, but that’s what should have happened first. Dad should have asked for help, or let it be known that he doesn’t mind that one of his sons has a handful of dirt and is looking for place to toss it.
Anything that son does in dad’s house without dad’s knowledge and permission is shady.
Yeah, I’m on the fence about it still. I spoke with BIL last night and he did agree that he’s not going to do any interior work while his father is still living in his house. I think there are some exterior repairs - fence and the like - that just NEED to be done.
The backstory is that BIL is living in FIL’s house at present, to help take care of him along with Hospice. BIL took a leave of absence from his job to do this. Which I see as a beautiful sacrifice, and worthy of my (and my husband’s) respect and support.
BUT…at the same time, BIL is all ticked off because the will (which is a simple 50/50) names my husband as Executor. My husband also has durable power of attorney.
BIL wants a living trust instead, with himself as co-executor. Because he wants his inheritance faster.
I can’t see rearranging paperwork at this point - with the stroke, I’m not sure my FIL is truly in his right mind. He already took care of his affairs, why change them?
OTOH, I did point out to my BIL that he could ask his father to add him to his checking account (once he gets out of the nursing home and can walk). That way he can pay his dad’s bills and cover his own expenses while he’s in town. If he wasn’t there taking care of his father, we’d have to hire someone else to do it. And then when his dad dies, BIL will automatically take over ownership of the checking account. My mom did this, I know it’s not a big deal.
Is probate an onerous thing when a person DOES have a real will (drawn up by a lawyer and everything)?
My BIL’s fixation on this seems…unhealthy. It’s starting to squick me out and make me not trust him.
Yeah OK, I’ve just been pushed back towards “shady.”
Excellent advice. Wills can be very simple documents if the testator wishes them to be, and I’ve seen a few simple, yet perfectly valid, homemade wills in my day.
I would caution, however, that requirements for a valid homemade will may vary between jurisdictions, and what is required in one may invalidate a will in another. The best thing to do would be to read and understand the requirements applicable to your jurisdiction–there are likely some resources designed for the layperson, and local legislation is probably available online or at a public library. Of course, you could always consult a lawyer. But if the cost of a lawyer is a concern, the DIY-er who invests a little bit of time now in researching and understanding what the available resources say about the jurisdiction’s requirements, can save a lot of time and hassle later (not to mention the possibility of a nasty surprise).
Sorry for the hijack, folks. Back to the topic at hand…
Yeah, I’m leaning more toward shady now too.
Not in my experience, but there were no disputes in the three estates I’ve been involved with, but I had a lawyer for two of them.
I’m leaning toward less shady, after learning that he’s taking care of the house and helping with dad. He should be reimbursed for what he’s lost by leaving his job. Wages, 401-K contributions – what’s he doing for health insurance?
Are you three talking about this? Does he say why he wants the living trust instead of/in addition to a will? Does he need money?
We’re carefully stepping up to the issue of money - it’s touchy. His work history hasn’t included health insurance or 401(k). More like waiter’s tips and cash under the table to support his mountain climbing and snowboarding. Which are exciting endeavors, and he’s probably very skilled at them, but he’s perpetually short of cash. In recent years his father called me a few times for moral support after turning down requests for money.
I don’t know why he’s so desperate for money NOW, it makes me wonder if there’s some kind of problem that he’s concealed from everyone.
And he’s convinced that the living trust is the way to get money immediately upon his father’s death. As opposed to wading through probate.
I’m going to call my FIL’s lawyer on Monday and ask about this, and tell him what’s up. I don’t know if they had a close relationship, but his lawyer should be his advocate, right? So I’m thinking it makes sense to bring him into the loop.
That sounds like a good idea. Good luck!
Maybe he’s not so shady as just impatient, which has driven people to be shady, of course!
Sounds like BIL’s got financial problems to me. Or, if he is the shallow, immature, type… perhaps it’s motivated more by, “Let’s get the estate ready to rock & roll so I can have my new Jeep & jetski THIS summer instead of next!”
Either way, OP is completely justified in feeling squicked out by BIL’s behavior. Be watchful, be wary, be suspicious. Keep a close, close eye on your FIL’s finances and possessions. Anything that BIL seems particularly interested in (valuable family heirlooms? guns? coin collections?) should be inventoried and put into a safety deposit box.
We didn’t. My Mom changed the will on my Dad’s deathbed and everything went to her. My Dad was leaving each of us a house. None of fought it because it was their money. In your case I think BIL is being a jerk. Many elderly want to die at home and have their home to go to. I’m sorry.
I would not say he is grieving. I’d say he is scheming and insensitive.
He’s right about one thing–a living trust is usually the better way to go when you want to preserve the bulk of the inheritence you’re passing down. They cost a bit more to set up, but if there’s any kind of value in the estate a trust is likely to be cheaper than probate and lawyers fees eventually would be.
However, that’s a moot point at this juncture given FIL’s condition, so your BIL needs to just pipe down about it. This bothers me more than the house prep, personally. He’s spent his whole life mismanaging his own finances, and now he wants to try his hand at someone else’s? Cute.
Bingo! Thanks, you just nailed it perfectly.
He may have had good advice on the Living trust, and he may be frustrated that no one is listening to him. A simple “I looked into it, and I see your point; but given Dad’s condition it’s too late to act on it now.” may defuse the problem.
He may also be hot to show that he can take good care of things and make himself useful.
Or he may be greedy, and I think the suggestion about the checking account is a good one. It’s a small-loss test to find out how he handles it. Does Dad suddenly develop a habit of shopping in X-Gear stores? Or does the spending pattern show a focus on caring for Dad?
I can’t recommend hospice involvement strongly enough. They can really help in keeping the focus on Dad and his peaceful passing.
I suspect that there’s sibling jealousy here. From his point of view, he probably resents the fact that he’s seen as the screwup while his brother is more appreciated (note the OP’s remark about the father not being a great father, and note that the father talks with them about the brother’s finances). I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s gone on for a long time. Now he resents his brother being named executor while he wasn’t.
Now he’s living in the house, taking care of his father day to day, and volunteering to do some of the work that is going to have to be done to sell the house (and that would otherwise cost money), and the family still mistrusts him. There’s no suggestion that the brother has lied to his father or stolen from him, so I think calling him shady is not warranted on what we know. He’s more hard-headed than the rest of the family, but that doesn’t necessarily mean more hard-hearted.
fessie, I’m sorry for your loss. He sounds like an interesting man. And I don’t mean to suggest that you or your husband have done anything wrong. I’m just trying to offer a different perspective.
The first thing I did was go straight to the newspaper where I worked and write his obituary. I trusted my colleagues to do it right, but I felt it was one of the last things I could do for him, and at that moment I felt helpless to do anything else.
My mother died when I was a little girl, and my father about 21 years ago. He spent his winters in Florida and his summers here in Ohio, and with his heart disease it was a tossup where he would be when it happened. My sister was married and lived in Florida, and I lived in the family home up here. He originally made her executor because she was older, but later reconsidered. My name was on his checking account, and I paid all the utility and other miscellaneous bills for both houses, here and in Florida.
His will left his house in Florida, which was worth practically nothing, to my sister, and the house in Ohio to us jointly. He left everything in the house to me. When she and her husband came up for the funeral, they stayed in the house with me. I couldn’t ask them not to smoke in the house, because they owned half of it, but when I asked her not to throw her cigarette butts in the toilet, she started putting them out on the floor. In four days they went through two half-gallons of vodka and an unknown quantity of beer.
We went to the lawyer I had chosen to handle the estate, and I made my proposal to buy her half of the house from her. We agreed that we would have the house valued by an independent appraiser and I would give her half the amount. She asked the lawyer if she could charge me rent for living in her half of the house until the sale went through.
As executor, I could have charged the estate for my time, lawyer fees, etc. I did not. My sister asked if she could have some small items from the house, as she hadn’t been left any property. That seemed fair to me, as I know I would have been upset if she had gotten everything. She went through the house pointing at things and demanding them. If I balked, she said, “Give it to me or I won’t sell you the house.” She got almost all my mother’s heirlooms and I never saw them again, because I was too intimidated and didn’t have anybody to back me up, and it was two against one.
To the day she died my sister told everyone we knew that I stole our parents’ house, robbed her of her inheritance, and cheated her in the will. I want my mother’s recipe box and cookie jar.