Thanks Dad For Leaving A Mess

The BBQ Pit
1

My father in law (technically soon to be ex FIL) past away in a tragic car accident on June 4th.
My FIL was unmarried but he did have a girlfriend of five years. She took it upon herself to have the body cremated one day after the death. No opportunity for my husband to see his dad one last time. How she had the legal right to do that is still beyond me.

FIL was a resident of Florida for over 25 years. He and his girlfriend purchased property in Alabama last year and had planned to build their dream home on it. It was a lovely piece of land. They were living in a small house on the property while the home was being built. She decided that FIL would want to have his ashes scattered over the cliff where the house was to rest. She immediately made arrangements to buy flights out of their joint account for her three children to be by her side during this service which took place two days later. Of course my husband was welcome to come if he could get himself there. He and I talked about it and decided that it may be better for us to plan a memorial in his home town in Florida since that is where his friends were and there were dozens of condolences calls and inquiries about the service within one day of his death.

In the meantime, my husband is a puddle and is counting on me to handle all the arrangements. Of course financially as well. However, he did began to feel a little uncomfortable about not being at the scattering of the ashes. Not to mention that FILs girlfriend’s children where up picking through his belongings like vultures. So I got him a flight to Alabama and a rental car.

I sent his girlfriend an email inquiring about a will, probate, etc. I got a three word response.

GO TO HELL.

Followed by a nasty message left on my husband’s cell phone as he was in the air at the time about how FIL had promised to take care of her the rest of her life and everything belongs to her. Seems FIL put all three properties they owned in both their names. (two in AL one in FL) Without a will, I believe she has rights of survivorship. Maybe he wanted it that way. But the story continues.

My FIL’s father passed away years ago and he never got over the fact that his stepmother got every penny. He had promised my husand time and time again that he would make sure that never happened. FIL also had a conversation with me last year stating that he did not marry this girlfriend despite his love for her because he wanted my husband protected. Was there a lawyer? Oh, he didn’t believe nor trust them. Did husband find out where this will was?

No. He knows nothing.

What we did know is that there was a safe in the house in Florida. No one has the combination. My husband and the GF agreed to open it together. My husband went to the house to remove it and bring it to his home for safe keeping. He has yet to have it opened. We don’t know if there is a will or policies or anything in there. It could be totally empty. What we do know is that when we asked her to please make arrangements to get together with my husband and open it, she claims she doesn’t have the time yet and will be returning to Alabama very soon. However, we are NOT to open it without her. WTF?

Legally we know nothing. I need a lawyer, I know. We have one in AL already trying to figure out how this cremation occurred since there is no legal documents anywhere filed giving her such authority. Maybe she lied and claimed to be his wife on the death certificate.

My husband is legally next of kin. There is no common law marriage. I have a very strong suspicion that the “estate” was the property and homes which she gets. ( I Think) I need to know if my husband has the right to open this safe without her. I really don’t want to pay out more money for a lawyer. The memorial is costing a couple of thousand, obits, tributes, plane tickets. I am exhausted. If there is a million dollars in that safe I know it isn’t mine. I am just so tired of not knowing what the heck is going on.

I am sad and so pissed at the same time that he didn’t handle this while he was alive.

2

soon to be ex FIL? Are you and the husband divorcing?

I know you’re venting and I know you said you’re going to find a lawyer. But venting won’t help this situation and a lawyer will. Go get a lawyer. Now.

3

Yes we have filed for divorce. However, this situation seems to be bringing us back together so maybe not.

4

I was thinking it was an ex-FIL in the sense that it was an ex-parrot.

I hope things work out.

5

Your soon to be ex needs to get a lawyer. The ownership of the properties and any bank accounts depends on how they were titled and what the state law is in Alabama.

Where I am, if the properties are with survivorship, she gets them. However, this can vary depending on your state law. In short, your soon to be ex needs to get a lawyer and needs to do it now. This will only get messier and will most likely be very ugly. Find someone who specializes in probate law. I would imagine that the estate should be probated in Alabama since you state that is where they were living at the time of his demise.

6

Um. A girlfriend of five years has no automatic rights of survivorship over anything owned solely by the deceased in any state that I’m aware of. (The children are probably a different story IF they are his children). Florida does not have common law marriage. I can’t say for certain but USUALLY in the absence of a will biological or adopted children have priority. You need a lawyer STAT.

To find out about the Probate process in Florida, go to this site:

And select “Probate in Florida.”

Edited to add:
Oh drat. He was a resident of Alabama at the time of death? Please ignore this post. It is of no consequence. I wish you luck.

7

Dude! You can’t go there on just the 4th post! That’s a blatant violation of section II.576.a/22c of the Smartass Charter! Consider yourself warned! :mad:

8

Maybe, maybe not. I am not a lawyer licensed to practice in either AL or FL, but broadly speaking there are two ways to put real property in two (or more) people’s names: Joint tenancy and tenancy in common. A joint tenancy generally carries with it a right of survivorship; a tenancy in common does not.

Do not assume the GF has the right of survivorship to the properties until that is confirmed by an inspection of the deeds and sale documents. Talk to an estate lawyer ASAP, preferably in the state your FIL resided in.

9

My dad died suddenly two years ago, and left a huge mess, too (financially and physically, and no will), as people will do when they drink themselves to death. You and your husband have my complete sympathies, Foxy. One thing to know - this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. Get a good lawyer, and settle in for a long haul. My dad’s mess wasn’t settled for well over a year after his death.

As for the girlfriend (common-law wife?) doing things prematurely, a lawyer should be able to put a stop to that. She doesn’t get to make decisions on the estate while it is still unsettled whether she is actually legally entitled to anything or not, as far as I know (which isn’t very far for AL or FL law). She may legally be his wife due to common-laws, but there is some doubt as to her legal status, obviously.

People who don’t make arrangements for their estate really bug me, after experiencing how painful and difficult it is for the survivors. People, don’t do this to your kids. Don’t do it to anyone. Take care of your legal business.

10

I’d open the safe with a video tape recording it.

11

She isn’t common law as she made sure I listed her as a “companion” in the obit. I think she gets alimony from her divorce. Yes, this is going to be a long haul. I can’t even figure out where his legal residence really way as he was claiming homestead exemption in FL and Alabama. Probably some kind of tax implications there for me to deal with down the road also.

I really like this woman and prefer to think she is just grieving and not being evasive and sneaky. My husband seems to think she is very worried about something after his conversation with her earlier today. Why why why do people do this to their families?? Do they think they are never going to die or do that just not give a hoot what happens when they aren’t there to see it?

12

Jodi’s right. You need to examine the deeds to the properties and see how they are titled. You will probably need to see how the accounts are titled as well. Get a lawyer . Most likely your soon to be ex will have to qualify as the administrator of the Estate.

13

Since he claims homestead exemption in Florida, I suppose I can retain one here. I hope.

14

To expand on this idea: Open the safe with two video cameras running, one held by each side’s lawyer (or more likely, the lawyer’s legal aide).

15

Out of very morbid curiosity, was it a single car accident?

16

Accident

17

[ul][li] You are too nice. [/li][li] When the daughter of one’s long-time lover calls after his death, and inquires about financial matters, the correct response is not, “Go to hell.”[/li][li] When one’s long-time lover dies, it is not the Done Thing to make arrangements for one’s own children to be at one’s side during the obsequies, but to ignore the deceased’s next of kin.[/li][li] When one’s long-time lover dies, it is not the Done Thing to cremate him without consulting the deceased’s next of kin.[/li][li] Your husband has excellent instincts. Trust them.[/li][li] Get a lawyer. Now.[/li][/ul]

18

What is worse to you?

Putting out a few bucks for a lawyer to protect your husband’s interests.

Or.

Letting someone who has no legal claim to anything beyond saying that their boyfriend died in a car accident rob the estate blind and distribute it to their interests thereby getting rewarded with bad, bad, bad behavior?

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh to people who are possibly grieving deeply, but letting someone wreak havoc in the aftermath of a death is just unforgiveable. People are supposed to be kind to eachother when they’re grieving, but the first cannonball of war has been fired over the bow with that nasty message.

Please go get a lawyer. It’s the only way, and it will relieve some of the worry when you know you’re protected in some way. (Or husband is, or however it turns out, but only a competent lawyer can sort this shit out.)

19

Of course you are right. You all are. It is all so ugly. If we could only get in that safe at least we would know if there is anything really worth fighting for. It is like this huge evil black box sitting in the garage mocking us.

20

The safe is at issue but it isn’t the main thing. If there isn’t a will, then his estate goes to the heirs at law. That would be his children. However, depending on how the laws are worded in their state, a will could complicate things with real estate. If she and he owned the real estate as joint tenants with right of survivorship then soon to be ex may not get the land. If they were in Dad’s name alone, then she is SOL. I wouldn’t take her word for it, but would check the deeds.