My father died almost three weeks ago. Yes, it was sudden, and yes, it was heartbreaking. But now, as the fog is clearing, I’m realizing there is much work to be done and I’m feeling overwhelmed by it. And the unusual circumstances of his life aren’t helping.
A little exposition: my father–let’s call him Stu, for anonymity’s sake–was 65 and lived in a house that was recently paid off. Late in his life, he had a child with another woman, meaning I have a half-sister; let’s call her Julia. She and I are 20 years apart in age and are always cordial to each other but don’t know each other well enough to be “close”. Julia’s mother wasn’t around, so Julia’s grandmother–let’s call her Barbara–moved into the house to help raise her, since my dad worked nights, probably 50-60 hours a week. Still with me?
So Julia was raised by Barbara (her grandmother) and Stu, her (our) father. Stu and Barbara, as far as we know, were never a couple (because ew), never presented themselves as a couple, and do not live in a state where common law marriage is automatically applied.
Fast forward to present day. We have learned that my father had a sizeable life insurance policy, and has left 80% to Barbara, and Julia and I are to split the remaining 20%, leaving us both with 10%. We have not been able to locate a will. Obviously I’ve been dealing with my own emotions about the lack of equality regarding the payout, but hey, that’s what Dad wanted so that’s what Dad gets.
What concerns me now is the house. Barbara has indicated she wants to stay for a year, to get things in order and get used to the idea of Stu being gone. Julia informs me of this over text, not in a “Hey, is this okay” way, but in a “Hey, this is happening” way. I’m a sensitive guy, and I’m not about to tell a 70-year-old woman she has to vacate the premises, but isn’t that a little much? Then Julia tells me she’s set up an appointment with a lawyer next week. I live 1,500 miles away, which of course is not her fault, and I’m glad she’s getting things done, but I’ve tried to do what I can long-distance, and I don’t like the fact that I’m being told of these things after the fact, not before. Tell me if I’m overreacting, seriously.
It just seems to me like it’s Barbara and Julia, and then there’s me. When it should be Julia and me, and then Barbara. She’s already getting most of the life insurance; if he wanted the house to go to his children (or if it does automatically because there’s no will), then should she get another year’s worth of free rent, after living there rent-free for the last 20 years? She never worked; he paid all the bills while she helped raise Julia. I don’t suspect anything fishy; it’s not like she moved in last year and he died under suspicious circumstances. There was obviously love there, even if it was of a platonic nature. But at this point, shouldn’t she say “I need to get out or pay DooWahDiddy his half of the house’s worth”? Or no? Julia is extremely protective of her, being her main maternal figure, and says it’s her right to choose when she leaves.
Guys, do yourself a favor. If you have kids, make a will. Or even if you don’t, I dunno. Just don’t die or something.
