Because FIL’s girlfriend’s responses to you may be influenced by whether she perceives you as really still “part of the family” or not. (Sure, even if you’re the deceased’s son’s ex-wife or soon-to-be-ex-wife already in another relationship, you might still technically have a better legal right to be involved with these arrangements than the deceased’s girlfriend, but she may not see it that way.)
Have your husband open the freakin’ safe. Keep or use what’s in there in whatever manner pleases him. Destroy anything in there that doesn’t please him. Do not make any videos or invite any witnesses. Now, isn’t that simple?
This is not some touchy-feely game that’s going on here. The other side is playing hardball. Play hardball too, or lose the game.
yeah, well, my mum liked … well, at least, felt some sort of sympathy with, her brother till my mad grandma’s death. Complications from the will are just about sorted out now (over 3 years later), except that I don’t think anyone ever found out what happened to the quarter of a million savings account, or the rent from her house which theoretically should have been being paid into the estate until it was settled but I think went straight into my uncle’s bank account for quite a long time :mad:
Never underestimate how much grief can be caused by wills (or lack of them) when someone involved decides to be a bastard about it all
You know, after going through five flippin’ years of grief over an estate (you’d think we were the flippin’ Hiltons or something) because two idiots decided to try to fleece me, I’m in agreement. Had I never mentioned certain funds which came to light after my folks’ demise, they wouldn’t have been counted in the estate and I know that my Dad, had he known what those two would try to pull, would have cut them off everything. Now I half wish I’d just kept the existence of those particular items to myself and come out a little ahead. I’m not advocating breaking the law, but the courts (at least here) do try to determine the wishes of the departed and carry them out and, as I said, I know for certain that my dad would have been furious at them and dropped them from his will without a qualm (they weren’t related to my dad or me).
I won my case in the end but I did not need to go through five years of hassle over it just to end up where I would have had there never been a case.
Point being, don’t be too nice. Forget what people ‘should’ do - often estates bring out the very worst in people - just ask any lawyer. And get a lawyer; wishing it weren’t so will not help. You have to bite the bullet and dive in and fight for what’s right.
Wow. I feel so special that my life story is so memorable! Actually Im kidding, I know a lot of people get very involved with sites like this and keep up on all the goings on.
This is my current husband. Our divorce has not yet been finalized because neither was ready to sign the papers. We have been living apart but he has staying at the house so I can take care of him and this issues.
Divorces are all different and I am really good at them. What I mean is, there were no hard feelings anywhere. As a matter of fact, when my FIL was in town, he and his girlfriend would come visit me at the office and chat away until I finally told them I had to get some work done. However, yes, my FIL was disappointed that I wanted out of the marriage. His son benefited greatly financially from the union and he was well aware of that. As far as the relationship that occurred after my separation, I’d didn’t work out and I take full responsibility for that.
As for any inheritence; I do know that it wouldn’t be transferable in a divorce but perhaps she does not. I happen to know because my family has some wealth and are very on top of this kind of thing. I find it odd to think that she thinks the few things he had would be of any interest to me. (Well, except out of curiousity). This is all about his son and his interests. I would be very surprised if there were assets greater than $100,000.
As a lawyer, I’m often asked to help friends and family out. At one time I did a few real estate closings gratis, before I stopped doing that. The one thing I NEVER agreed to do was write wills. Other than divorces, I don’t think there is ANY single category of human relationship where folks turn uglier than estates. It has also ceased to surprise me how often divorced and widowed persons get into non-marital relationships without taking precautions to preserve their estates for their children.
I am so glad my sisters and I were so reasonable in dividing up my parents’ estate when they both died intestate a few years back. It simply did not occur to us to act any other way.
My divorced in-laws have a greater net worth than my parents had. And I can only imagine the hassles that will likely be posed by wife and family #2, one mentally unstable sibling, and FIL’s - uh - “creative” asset management.
Our position is simply that we are very glad that we are financially comfortable. They do not have any items or real property that we desire enough to experience any significant unpleasantness to obtain. And any cash we might get out of the estates would be nice, but we sure aren’t going to get into a fight over it. If someone gets all greedy and works at getting as much as they can out of their estate, well, I guess we’ll let them have it and write them off as assholes.
When Abuelita died, Dad’s sister fell on everything that she could claim as “household items” like four or five packs of vultures. The Baroque statue of St Benedict that she’d always claimed was an eyesore? Now it’s in her living room. The way she tried to claim everything with any links to our family’s history, you would have thought she was the firstborn son, rather than the youngest daughter. One day that we were having lunch at her house she said “Nava, I know you have my grandfather’s trunk. It’s mine, you know.”
“Your lady mother gave it to me while she was alive and of whole mind. You want it back, it will be over my dead body, or perhaps I’ll keep it over yours. More water, anybody?” She claimed she “hadn’t realized I cared about it.”
I’ve done some work with probate and 75% of the time, it goes fine. There may be some discussions but nothing serious. The other 25% however, gets amazingly ugly. We’re talking ripping families apart, siblings going to court, years of ugly litigation, and worse. I guess such is human nature.
After my father’s father died (and my grandmother had predeceased him), my aunt (father’s sister) ran around my grandfather’s house putting yellow sticky notes on all the things she wanted. She was doing this at the wake, which was held in grandpa’s house. My father refused to fight with her over anything, he let her have whatever she wanted. There were some spats between her and my other aunt, her sister, but my father refused to get involved. My sister and I were 15 and 13 and we were so alarmed and offended by her actions that we both resolved that nothing our parents had could be worth fighting with each other, causing each other pain, or insulting our parents’ memories. My parents are still alive, thank God, but I honestly believe we will stick to that.
But . . . my aunt took possession of all my grandparents’ photo albums, including my father’s baby book and literally every childhood picture of him. When my aunt died, those albums went to my cousin. I wish my father had some pictures from his childhood to pass on to his kids and grandkids. I have asked my cousin for his baby book, but she says that now she can’t find it, which is a shame. Fortunately, photo replication has improved enough that I should be able to borrow the photo albums and copy them for myself and my siblings. Dad just says they are just photos and weren’t worth the fight in 1982, and I remind myself that of course he’s right.
Not trying to start a fight, but why do the older siblings think they are more entitled to the family heirlooms, of any value, than the younger ones. I’m the youngest in my family, I’m speaking from expierence.
The latest is the girlfriend “thinks” he did a will on line. She “thinks” there may be a $10,000 insurance policy that my husband “can have”. I really feel like slapping my husband for not having the common sense to ask these questions when his dad was alive. His father recently went through prostate surgery and had already had a bypass. Why is it so hard to have “the” conversation???
We are both leaning towards just opening the darn safe. At least we will know if there is no will and can move on. She can have the f-ing property as he seemed to have wanted that if he put her names on the deeds. My husband is looking for 4-5 items of his grandfather’s that have more sentimental value then anything else. The girlfriend told us that they no longer existed, she claims the ex wife (not my husband’s mother, the one after) took and sold everything. Husband was heartbroken. I called the ex (who I always had a very nice relationship with) and asked her. I asked her to be honest because if the things were gone, they were gone but we really needed to know. She admitted to a few things she had sold but not those items and she also mentioned that she has some photos in that safe that she wants back when it is opened.
My husband always thought my parents were morbid when they had a “claiming” party a couple of years ago. They had lists and lists of items that myself and my two siblings were to put our intials on if we wanted them when they passed. We attended this event because they were so insistant that we do so. It went nice, lots of laughter and some fun stories. No one wanted really anything anyone else did and there were hundreds of things left over. (Actually, Mom ended up a little insulted that some of the things that were special to her we didn’t really desire.)
All three of us have copies of the will along with lists of all assets and attorneys.
The interesting part of this is that I doubt there would ever be any conflict if there was no will. Why does it seem like the families that have the worst communication skills and estranged relationships are the one’s that go through this needless BS?
(Pls excuse the typos and spelling errors. I am too stressed to proof)
And here, in a nutshell, is why many of my grandmother’s posessions which didn’t get redistributed/sold/donated prior to her move into assisted living are in storage. Nice climate-controlled storage.
The practical stuff has been redistributed or donated. The emotional stuff, the souvenirs from travel, the heirlooms, that’s the stuff in storage.
Now admittedly, given the geographical spread of the 3 brothers and 6 grandkids, figuring out a good way to relocate some of the stuff if we did sort out who it will belong to could be a pain in the butt.
But the reality is, to a non-zero extent, the family is just delaying dealing with the stuff–and given my grandmother’s present state of physical and mental health–she’d never know it had been distributed, but she could be around for a long time yet.
Just based on the bolded part she’s fucking with you. I know when my mother died a lot of things just kind of went away, some of it we never found. While normally I’d say your husband can take care of the estate he’ll need help with this.
I think I’ll have to talk to my father to make sure he’s got everything good to go.
Insurance policies generally have listed beneficiaries, and sometimes they have listed purposes. It may not be within her power to just “give” your husband insurance proceeds if she’s not the benefiicary. Even if she is, a 10K “gift” to your husband may have tax consequences he’d rather not take.
The fact is, laws of inheritance are pretty well set out in most (all?) American jurisdictions. They aren’t really a matter of intra-family negotiation, except for pieces of personal property. Who gets the insurance, who gets the property – the paperwork will tell you that, and it’s not something your FIL’s girlfriend controls.
And if there is no will, state law will tell you. She doesn’t get to make up rules on her own.
Do you have a lawyer yet? Do you need a referral? I have a good friend who is a patent lawyer in Huntsville - I can ask him about an estate lawyer out there if you want.