How aggressively - if at all - would you pursue a possible inheritance?

I’ve posted before about my wife’s fucked up family, and bigamist father who recently died.

FIL died recently. He had 2 families - my wife and 2 sisters from wife #1, and 2 more kids with wife #2 (while still married to wife #1). I have no clear idea of the total value of his estate. I would estimate it around $8-15 mill. Considerable investments, real estate, an established business…

When FIL divorced wife #1, wife #1 accepted a really shitty deal IMO, which really screwed her kids. He then married wife #2 and we assumed everything was titled in her name, in trust for her and her kids’, etc.

Well, it looks like his affairs were nowhere near as cleanly set up as we had expected. We found a will from 1979 that named wife #1 my wife, and her 2 sisters. Various property is in various trusts, and there are insurance policies. My wife filed the 1979 will with the county. We do not know if there is any subsequent will.

It looks reasonably clear that my wife and her 2 sisters are the beneficiaries of a life insurance policy of approx $100k. My wife’s position is that she is thrilled if she gets that much, as she was expecting nothing. And she is content to let wife #2 and her kids have everything else.

I support her in whatever she wishes to do. It was her dad, and her potential inheritance. I do, however, think I differ from her slightly for 2 reasons.

  1. We have commented on how her mother did not adequately look after her children’ interests in the divorce settlement. I don’t want our kids to feel that we neglected their interests in this matter. Tho my kids are all reasonably comfortable, and didn’t have any fond feelings for the dead asshole.
  2. I did not like the FIL and really dislike wife#2. I kinda would like to just make it a little harder for her to continue screwing my wife’s family. But I acknowledge that is not a laudable motivation on my part.

I’ve raised point 1., and when she said she didn’t want to be involved in the unpleasantness that would result, I decided that was her decision to make. I’ve wondered if I should similarly raise point 2. (which only occurred to me later), and then respect whatever she decided.

If it were entirely my decision, I could imagine hiring an estate attorney, and just giving him a retainer of make $5k, and just say, “look after my wife’s interests. Make sure no one is pulling anything. Maybe open a probate proceeding.” But I am certainly not going to push for that.

We are very comfortable. Not rich, but no debt and relatively modest desires.

So what would you do in this situation?

In your wife’s shoes, I believe I’d let it go. I just don’t have that much of an appetite for this kind of unpleasantness, and if I didn’t need the money, it wouldn’t be worth my while.

In your shoes, I’d definitely let it go. You said your piece; even if you didn’t offer all the possible justifications, you suggested the option. Leave it to her now.

You found an old will but was it superseded? I’d likely consult with a lawyer and see what they think will happen. It’s enough money to change my life and allow me to support extended family and worthwhile charities in a way that I wouldn’t otherwise be able. If FIL couldn’t be bothered to look out for spouse no. 2 or her children, I don’t see why it should be on his named beneficiaries to do so. If I inherited half the money and felt generous, there is no reason I couldn’t disclaim a portion of if for wife no. 2 and her children.

I agree that you and your wife should not aggressively pursue anything that might be questionable, but if the 1979 will is valid, your wife should receive a nice inheritance without any more actions on her part. As @Tired_and_Cranky stated, it probably would be worth your while to consult an attorney.

Does wife #2 know that a will has been filed?

The 1979 will would be invalid if he filed a subsequent will. Unless you know for sure that is the final will, it’s probably not worth fighting it. Seeing as that was over 40 years ago, I would guess chances are good that he filed another will in that time.

Even if the value of his assets are in the millions, not all of that would necessarily go through his estate. Often, assets have beneficiaries listed which direct the asset to the beneficiary at the time of the owner’s death. Things like bank accounts, investment accounts, property, etc. can all have beneficiaries, which means they bypass the estate. The value of the assets which are part of the actual estate to be distributed through probate could be quite small. It might just be minor stuff like furniture, cars, etc. So even if she tried to get something from the estate, she might just be fighting for minor personal possessions. The millions may be distributed through beneficiaries much in the same way that the insurance payout goes to a specific person and is not part of the estate.

Not everyone is aware that beneficiaries can be listed on accounts. But everyone should list them on all their accounts. Even your checking account should have a beneficiary. Real estate property can have a “Transfer on Death” deed filed. Those things will greatly simplify your estate and make things much easier on your heirs.

It’s way more messy than that. The 1979 will refers to a trust. it is unclear what assets are in the trust. In 1985, the trust was amended to specifically disinherit my wife and 1 of her sisters, and to add the 2 kids from wife #2. But if my wife and 1 sister are disinherited, do they nevertheless inherit per stripes from their mother’s share?

My wife told wife #2 that she filed the will. In our state you are legally required to file a will you are aware of. As you might imagine, my wife and wife #2 are not best of friends.

But things can be messy. Was there a second will? What was in that trust? How did FIL hold title to all of his property? The will also divides FIL’s personal property among wife #1 and 1st 3 children. FIL was a big collector, actively trying to shield assets. Of course, if there is no accounting of the personal property… No idea if there was a second will. I presume we’ll eventually be able to find out if it wassailed. But even if there is a will, it does not automatically take effect if probate is not opened.

One of the 2 trusts we found involved the insurance policy. Before we found these 2 trusts - and the lawyer who drafted them and the will, FIL and wife #2 had said they couldn’t locate the insurance policy. It shocks me that his finances were so confused that he essentially “misplaced” $100k. I have no idea how he has his various other assets, accounts, etc titled and what beneficiaries are named. If he fucked up, a share COULD go to my wife - and thereafter to our kids.

Getting anything would be a hassle. I’m content thinking of the assholes as little as possible from now on. Was just wondering about other folks’ thoughts.

I wouldn’t pass up a significant chunk of cash simply because it was “too much of a hassle” to consult a lawyer and file some paperwork.

I don’t know what state you are in, but in California

Under California law (Probate Code section 16061.7) every Trust beneficiary, and every heir-at-law of the decedent , is entitled to receive a copy of the Trust document. So all you have to do once your parents are gone is request a copy of the Trust from whomever has it.

That’s from Googling who gets a copy of the trust on death of trustee. With that much money and a wife #2 who is looking out for her own interests, I’d be amazed if their wasn’t a new will and an updated trust. But hiring an attorney could give you access to them more easily.
A friend just went through a big battle with his sister and brother-in-law over their father’s large estate. It got expensive and nasty. And that was over just a small part of it in dispute.

Yes exactly. Just hire a competent professional and let them fight for it.

There’s your answer. You should push for that. Money well spent to let the lawyer research it and a way to wash your hands of the second guessing and wondering/worrying about righting a wrong for your kids sake.

Honestly, my answer would be to let it go, for your wife’s emotional health. I can’t imagine she enjoys being sucked into the malestrom of dysfunctional family in-fighting (in fact I would go so far as to say it might well do her emotional harm), and pursuing this inheritance would do exactly that. She filed the will she was legally obligated to file, it sounds like she will get a windfall she wasn’t expecting; give her the grace to leave it alone from there. It is worth the cash to her not to have to deal with that. (And frankly, very possibly worth it to your kids. I’d be heartbroken if I found out that my dad had exposed himself further to his dysfunctional parents for what he thought was his kids’ sakes.)

Now, if she wanted to give you carte blanche to pursue it, and not bother her about anything, and if all family communication was routed through you (so e.g. wife #2 wasn’t able to harass her), then I could see the estate attorney thing working. But it sounds like she’d rather not do that, and I absolutely don’t blame her. In her shoes I’d do the same thing.

Depends on the assets, I suppose. My inclination I think would be much the same as your wife’s. It’s not worth my aggravation to get involved in a messy familial pissing match over non-life changing money. It might not be worth it period unless I was in truly desperate economic straights. My step-mother recently walked away from a potential legal fight with at least one of her siblings over her very senile mother’s will. In that case the amount, $30k or so, while not nothing was definitely not worth her time at her age. It’s just money and if you don’t really need it, who cares?

But that’s just me and my relationship to money and stress. I place stress-avoidance (especially ugly family infighting stress) way, way above finances. I loath fights and I feel no particular need to force someone to “do what’s right” even if they’re being a greedy jackhole. But I get that not everyone is wired to let others get away with bullshit.

Thanks all.

The biggest asset that we were interested in was a vacation place. Decades ago he put the title in the name of wife/kids #2. So that’s gone.

He’s got a bunch of stamps/coins/etc - as well as buildings full of junk. But I have full faith in wife#2 secreting anything of value. I’d figure all of his other interests - the business, his home, accts - are all held in trust w/ designated beneficiaries (not my wife) or held in common w/ wife#2.

Like I said, I don’t consider myself rich, but even if I retired today, I’d probably die with more than I have now - leaving a tidy sum to our kids. The BEST thing right now is that the asshole is dead and gone. We are not going to expend effort and emotion trying to claw $ away from that bitch.

It is entirely my wife’s call. I expressed my concerns, but am not going to push it.

It’s not your decision, it’s your wife’s. If she wants to fight through this, then you fight with her. If she decides she doesn’t want to relive the 1980s, then don’t try to relive them for her.

I have seen this kind of picture show before a couple of times. Since you are asking us for advice, here is mine: Cut & run!

Even if you did “need” the money, the cost to you, & your wife’s mental & physical health is just too much. Look at where it has gotten you-all so far. No one needs that chaos in their lives. Just let it go.

It is not fair & it is unlikely that it can be resolved in a way that is “fair” to everyone. Please, just pass on the drama.

It sounds like your immediate family is in a good place financially. There is nothing to be gained by letting this jerk continue to cause your family more misery.

As it is, it almost sounds like the lawyers may be the only ones that actually get much money out of this situation.

Thanks all. In case it was not clear from my previous posts, my wife and her 2 sisters are making some efforts to see if they can receive the proceeds of one life insurance policy, which trust documents seem to pretty clearly indicate they have coming to them. Other than that, my wife has no desire or intention of doing anything else.

I expressed my opinions and concerns, and she considered them and made her own decisions which I respect. I do not intend to mention it again. It would take some pretty unforeseen circumstances for significant money troubles to occur in our or our children’s futures.

No idea whether either of the 2 sisters intends to do anything. The one who WASN’T disinherited would have more of an interest. But she’s kinda irrational and hates anything having to do with lawyers.

The other day my wife’s half-brother said he was clearing stuff out of the business office, and he asked my wife and her sisters if they wanted FIL’s old tennis trophies. Well, apparently some of them may have been won in mixed doubles w/ wife#1. But no, I think we can survive w/o a bunch of old tennis trophies hanging around our house. Let’s see - you get an ongoing business, hundreds of acres, various investments and collectibles, and we get — some trash? :roll_eyes: :laughing:

IMHO, if you want to try to “convince” your wife to pursue the matter then fine, but ultimately the final decision on how hard to go after this is up to her. I do understand how you feel as it’s a rather shitty thing for a father (especially one as well heeled as this guy) to not treat his children with some kind of equality.

People hate doing wills. Any Lawyer can find out if there is a most recent will. That is needed.

Do that much checking- consult a lawyer, then make the decision. Do not make the decision based upon emotions- your wife is likely still going through the grieving process.

The Life Insurance company will pay out to the proper beneficiaries, will or no.

Just an update for your entertainment.

As a part of the estate, there is a life insurance policy that names my wife and her 2 sisters as beneficiaries. So my wife decided she would be content if she got a third of that. Her oldest sister was named as the trustee. Here’s the punchline - that sister shorted her other 2 sisters out of $12k each! :astonished:

Gonna be fun running into her at a niece’s (other sister’s kid) wedding next month! :smiley: