But, I Fit!

[Sarabellum]

Some years back, I was having a new house built, and there was to be a lovely little nook under the stairs that was just the right size to fit my upright grand cabinet piano in. 72 inches across. But when the house was finished, the builders had neglected to take into account the thickness of the sheetrock, and the nook was about 1/2 inch too small to allow the piano to fit.

Since it had been in the builder’s contract that the nook was supposed to be at least 72 inches, and the piano looked stupid in the middle of the room, I called them to complain about it, and a couple of weeks later they showed up to replace the 1/2" sheetrock with 1/4" sheetrock, to free up that extra 1/2" so that the piano would go into the nook.

Anyway, our adorable but occasionally not-too-bright Himalayan, Fuzzy, was nowhere to be seen while the workmen were busily tearing out the old sheetrock, plastering and painting. Later that evening, when he didn’t show up for his dinner, we wondered, where is that cat?

“meow.” says the wall.

“Fuzzy, are you in the wall?”

“meow.”

That dumb cat had jumped into the wall when the workers had it opened up (there was a bit of unaccessible space underneath the staircase) and just stayed quiet while he was being walled in by the workers.

We quickly got a hammer and created a hole in the nice fresh sheetrock and shined a flashlight in there. Yep. There’s Fuzzy. He jumped out, filthy and covered in dust and sheetrock bits, looks at us and blinks a couple times like, “What’s the big deal here? Why are you humans laughing at me?” He then proceeded to jump back into the hole.

We were howling with laughter, and I had a hard time choking it out when I called the contractor who’d been there fixing the wall that day… "Uh, hehe you’d better come back hehe tomorrow hehe and fix the piano nook again hehe because you SHEETROCKED MY CAT! hehehehe "

[Cat_Whisperer]

Every look on every cat’s face when they get caught doing ANYTHING is, “What?”

My cats, being cats and contrary and all, are not interested in full laundry baskets. One cat, however, loves the empty one - she jumps in the moment it hits the ground after being emptied. She especially loves helicopter rides in the basket.

[Tom_Tildrum]

My little parrot likes to try to hide in the spaces under my mother’s kitchen cabinets when he visits over there. He’d get under a cupboard or even climb up behind the dishwasher until she started laying boards down to block the openings. To get him out, she has had to take a bottom drawer out and shine a flashlight around under there. He hates the flashlight beam, and would come running to attack it.

[CalMeacham]

@Sarabellum1976

Some years back, I was having a new house built, and there was to be a lovely little nook under the stairs that was just the right size to fit my upright grand cabinet piano in. 72 inches across. But when the house was finished, the builders had neglected to take into account the thickness of the sheetrock, and the nook was about 1/2 inch too small to allow the piano to fit.

Since it had been in the builder’s contract that the nook was supposed to be at least 72 inches, and the piano looked stupid in the middle of the room, I called them to complain about it, and a couple of weeks later they showed up to replace the 1/2" sheetrock with 1/4" sheetrock, to free up that extra 1/2" so that the piano would go into the nook.

Anyway, our adorable but occasionally not-too-bright Himalayan, Fuzzy, was nowhere to be seen while the workmen were busily tearing out the old sheetrock, plastering and painting. Later that evening, when he didn’t show up for his dinner, we wondered, where is that cat?

“meow.” says the wall.

“Fuzzy, are you in the wall?”

“meow.”

That dumb cat had jumped into the wall when the workers had it opened up (there was a bit of unaccessible space underneath the staircase) and just stayed quiet while he was being walled in by the workers.

We quickly got a hammer and created a hole in the nice fresh sheetrock and shined a flashlight in there. Yep. There’s Fuzzy. He jumped out, filthy and covered in dust and sheetrock bits, looks at us and blinks a couple times like, “What’s the big deal here? Why are you humans laughing at me?” He then proceeded to jump back into the hole.

We were howling with laughter, and I had a hard time choking it out when I called the contractor who’d been there fixing the wall that day… "Uh, hehe you’d better come back hehe tomorrow hehe and fix the piano nook again hehe because you SHEETROCKED MY CAT! hehehehe "

But may God shield and deliver me from the fangs of the Arch-Fiend ! No sooner had the reverberation of my blows sunk into silence, than I was answered by a voice from within the tomb! -- by a cry, at first muffled and broken, like the sobbing of a child, and then quickly swelling into one long, loud, and continuous scream, utterly anomalous and inhuman -- a howl -- a wailing shriek, half of horror and half of triumph, such as might have arisen only out of hell, conjointly from the throats of the dammed in their agony and of the demons that exult in the damnation.

Of my own thoughts it is folly to speak. Swooning, I staggered to the opposite wall. For one instant the party upon the stairs remained motionless, through extremity of terror and of awe. In the next, a dozen stout arms were toiling at the wall. It fell bodily. The corpse, already greatly decayed and clotted with gore, stood erect before the eyes of the spectators. Upon its head, with red extended mouth and solitary eye of fire, sat the hideous beast whose craft had seduced me into murder, and whose informing voice had consigned me to the hangman. I had walled the monster up within the tomb!

—Edgar Allen Poe the Black Cat The Black Cat by Edgar Allan Poe

“Fuzzy, are you in there with my wife’s corpse?”

“Meow!” says the wall.

[Tom_Tildrum]

@CalMeacham

—Edgar Allen Poe the Black Cat The Black Cat by Edgar Allan Poe

“Fuzzy, are you in there with my wife’s corpse?”

“Meow!” says the wall.

Spoiler alert? Geez!

[Nawth_Chucka]

@Cat_Whisperer

Every look on every cat’s face when they get caught doing ANYTHING is, “What?”

My cats, being cats and contrary and all, are not interested in full laundry baskets. One cat, however, loves the empty one - she jumps in the moment it hits the ground after being emptied. She especially loves helicopter rides in the basket.

raises hand I would like a helicopter ride in the laundry basket as well, please.
The only time I catch my cats in the laundry is when they want to take something; for Scalar it’s the animals masquerading as my fuzzy slipper socks which he takes into the other room and dispatches; for Hoser it’s my washcloth, which he pulls out and rubs every square inch of his head and neck on. Don’t know what they’re putting in my body wash but he luuuurves it.

[Malleus_Incus_Stapes]

Tikva has always been a nervous cat, and when she was an itty-bitty-kitty she would go up the back of my art desk and into the middle drawer. She’s all grown up now, and a bit… pudgy, but she still goes in the drawer at the first sight of trouble. Only now she doesn’t quite fit, so when she goes in, the top drawer slides out on its own.

[billfish678]

Well, I gotta “I Fit!” story fresh from today. Not funny or happy though.

The power lines in our neighborhood are underground. In the corner of our lot next to the street is what I guess you call a large junction box. About 3 feet by 3 feet by 2 feet high. Our neighbor had an ugly bush next to it. And we had one as well. We both finally decided to get rid of em. So, I got out the chainsaw today, fought like hell with it, and finally got both bushes cut down to the ground. Went inside to take a break.

Go back out to clean up the pile of chainsawed crap. Scared up a pretty little black snake (I think he was living under the bushes. He heads for a tiny hole in the junction box. He DOES not fit. He got about a third the way in and looked to be wedged good. I came back a little while later to check on him and he was still wedged so I tried to carefully pull him out. He was tensing up, making him wedged even tighter and fighting me hard so I thought it best to leave him alone. Go out again about 45 minutes later and he is still there. But now he is totally limp. Looks like he might even be dead. Since he is limp and still now I am able to work my fingers around his body and slowly and carefully work his body back out. Turns out he is alive but very very out of it.

I layed him in a safe shady spot and have been checking on him for the past few hours. The first few inches down from his head seem fine. Most of his body is limp. Great, I probably fracking paralyzed the fellow. Now I get to contemplate finishing him off. Another crappy thing to get to cry about tonight.

[caveman]

Smoke, our little gray female kitty, has taken to backing into the cubbies on the hutch over my wife’s desk. I like to think that’s she’s put herself away. Soot, our black male kitty, prefers the laundry sorter, although he invariably mis-sorts himself.

[Nawth_Chucka]

billfish678, I think I speak for many people when I say please do not come back here w/ anything but a happy update even if its a damned lie. Mother Nature says thank you for caring about her animal and doing what you could out of the goodness of your heart.

[Markxxx]

When I was a kid I had a cat, and when she was a kitten she’d climb into a Kleenex box. She fit very nice. As she grew she kept climbing into any open Kleenex box.

By the time she was an adult and weighed eight pounds, she was still climbing in those boxes.

Of course she didn’t fit. She’ put one paw in, then the other, then her back paws. then she’d lower herself and collapse the box as she lowered herself on it.

In her case the love of the Kleenex box clearly went back to the kitty years.

[billfish678]

Bahh.

I hate to say it but my poor little snake has shed this mortal coil.

I guess thats a little better than me having to start a thread on how to humanely kill a permanently half paralyzed snake or me giving updates on the adventures of me and my new differently enable pet snake.

Hate to be a downer. Somebody get in here and give and give another funny story!

[bengangmo]

We used to have a dog. I west highland terrier. We also had a coffee table with a magazine shelf.

When said dog was young, and short, he could run under the coffee table. As he grew taller he couldn’t fit anymore - but not by much.

So you would see him running, then bonk as he clipped the coffee table on the top his head.

Never failed to get a laugh.

[Cheshire_Human]

My Cat. Although it’s really the other (much) smaller cat’s basket. He just stole it from her, one day.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

Putting the laundry in the washing machine? Dot, get out of the washer. Mayme, get out of the laundry or you’re getting a bath.

Next time the cat(s) jump in the washer, set the temp to cold, and start the water. Cats can levitate, did you know that? With most cats, it just takes ONE time for them to learn that the washer is Dangerous. I’ve had a cat that needed to be soaked twice. Also, close the dryer door on the cats, then bang on the dryer. Open door, and let the cats escape the demons that howl inside that awful place.

[dwyr]

In a clear case of denial, Pixel still thinks he can fit into the kitten carrier.

[Lynn_Bodoni]

It’s his Happy Place, dammit! You can’t outgrow your Happy Place!

[Morgyn]

@Lynn_Bodoni

Cats can levitate, did you know that?

They can teleport, too, according to some friends of mine.

See, they had both a cat and ferrets.

One day, the cat was taking his afternoon snooze in the middle of the living room. The ferret, freshly released, was doing ferrety things when he happened to see the cat and decided a POUNCE was in order.

My friends said that what they saw was:

ferret
cat
floor

And then:

cat
ferret
floor

Stacked. No horizontal shifting at all, just a change in order, leading them to believe that the startled cat had teleported from just under the ferret to just above the ferret.

No ferrets or felines were injured in the performance of this stunt, but my friends nearly busted their guts laughing.

[Nawth_Chucka]

@bengangmo

We used to have a dog. I west highland terrier. We also had a coffee table with a magazine shelf.

When said dog was young, and short, he could run under the coffee table. As he grew taller he couldn’t fit anymore - but not by much.

So you would see him running, then bonk as he clipped the coffee table on the top his head.

Never failed to get a laugh.

Is that the dog folks call a Westie? America’s Funniest Videos (one of my dad’s favs, else I wouldn’t know) did an entire segment on them since they have such unique personalities. Not dangerously clever, far as I could garner, but exuberant! About everything! Yeah, that too!

dwyr, Pixel is gorgeous! Does he have those shiny penny-colored eyes? I’ve always wanted a pumpkin kitty but I already had a boy.

[Zyada]

@Morgyn

They can teleport, too, according to some friends of mine.

When we took our Amira kitty for her first vet visit, she did this. We loaded her into the cat carrier at home, then we both had to go wash the blood off of our hands. When we came back out, Amira was outside the carrier and it looked like the carrier was still zipped up. Amira looked at us with the expression of “Carrier? What carrier? Oh, that carrier, where did it come from?”

(when we put her back into the carrier, we found that there was another zippered opening at the top that she was able to nudge her way through. If she hadn’t been so determined to get out, we would never have found out how she did it the first time)