Yesterday I was at a restauraunt, Bennigans to be precise. Me and some friends were talking and eating, when they seatied two dudes at the table next to us. They were Middle-eastern looking, and speaking Arabic to each other. I uninterntionally overheard them talking to the waitress and it was obvious they wern’t particularly good at english, either reading the menu, or communicating with the waitress. They sorted everything out eventually
I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention but later as I was looking around I saw They had recieved their food, and one of the guy’s had a big plate of Baby Back Ribs, that he was about to start work on. Slowly my brain put a couple facts together. Being Arabic there is a very good chance he is Muslim. Given the language difficulties it’s possible he might have no idea he ordered pork ribs.
I had the instant dilemma of, do I jump in and ask if he knows what he is doing based on my assumptions, or do I mind my own damn business that’s what I was raised to do. Of course I went with option 3 which was to mentally debate until he had already begun to eat, at which point I figured If he didn’t know, then never knowing would probably be best.
But the more I think about it today the worse I feel. If my assumptions were correct(and they very well may not have been) then it probably would have been a big deal to him. But the mind your own buisness training is hard to overcome.
What do you guys do in a situation like that?
Note to self: Must remember not to write about ribs in the afternoon, My stomach is now demanding some.
Ummmmm… pork is tasty! I would say keep quiet and maybe expand his horizons. He might have an epiphany and decide that dining on our porcine friends is the way to go. Why, before you know it, thousands will convert to “My Way”, violence decreases as mobs head for the nearest BBQ Shack and the world becomes a better place for you and me! (assuming your not a pig)
Hell, I say never trust adult males who don’t drink beer, and anyone who doesn’t eat tasty pork ribs!
Dammit! I have somehow become drunken without my knowledge or involvement!
I think you were probably right not to interfere. About the only polite way I can possibly think of for you to let him know would be, if you spoke his language, to say something like, " Hi, I noticed you ordered the pork ribs. Tell me how they are, if you don’t mind. I was thinking of ordering them next time." Anything else would seem, to me, to be overly intrusive. If he really cared, and didn’t have the language to ask the right questions, I can only assume that he would order something clearly not pork-derived. It’s what I would do if I were eating somewhere where I did not have confidence in my ability to ask if a sauce was prepared with meat stock.
The guy was hungry. You did right to let him eat. You might not have been able to communicate with him anyhow. The One God is both just and merciful and will forgive.
I always mind my own business. I don’t care if a guy comes in and puts a floor mat down, faces Mecca, and prays, then gets up and orders an entire ham. That’s his business. A guy could come in with peyot and yarmulke, and order a plate of bacon, sausage, and pork chops and I’m keeping my mouth shut. A dead ringer for Gandhi could stroll up and order a juicy ribeye, not a peep from me. If there’s a language problem, and dietary restrictions, he needs exercise more caution in food selections, and perhaps learn a couple of important English phrases, such as “Is this pork?”.
Seems to me, one only butts in when there’s an obvious danger or confusion that one can resolve. Otherwise, one should assume that an adult is capable of dealing with life as it presents itself. I’d be ticked off if a stranger felt compelled to step into such a scenario uninvited.
MYOB. He might not be Muslim. Perhaps he is, and just isn’t very devout. My husband is Catholic, and I’m sure he’d consider it very rude if someone pointed out that he was eating meat on Friday during Lent (quite likely, as he doesn’t really care). I’d consider it very rude if someone assumed I was Catholic or Jewish (I’m not either one) and pointed out some supposed dietary violation I’d made. It’s purely a matter between God (if one exists and cares what we eat at all) and the person eating.
Perhaps he’d always wanted to try pork, and now here was his chance–where no one would bug him about it.
I also would have agonized over the situation and then not said anything. I think you are ok, wolfman and should let it go. If he ate pork unintentionally, his God will forgive him (assuming he was of one of the non-porcine religions).
It is totally his business if it is made by choice(There is nothing more anoying then people coming up to me and saying my smoking will kill me). But to me it becomes a completely different situation if there is someone if there is a reasonable possibility that they are making a mistake. Like if you see someone about to sit on a chair with a big rusty nail. It’s really none of your concern if they do, but most people will yell “stop”, because it’s nearly a 100% assumption that they don’t want to. Being a part of society means trying to help people, and if possible prevent them form making a mistake. My OP is obviously a much different situation, because there are many assumptions made without confirmation. But there is still a resonable possibility that he was doing something he would not have wanted to do. I guess I see it as much more of a grey area between where trying to help someone, and trying not to bother someone intersect.
That is ultimately the reason I never decided if I was going to say anything or not. Even if had decided I wanted to say something I had no idea what I was gong to do. I had a disturbing mental image of a Monty Python like sketch where I jumped to my feet looking aghast, pointed at his plate and screamed “Unclean!”. I couldn’t figure out a reasonable was to do it.
Ultimately I have no idea which is the best thing to do in that situation, which is why I made the OP in the first. It just doesn’t seem quite so cut and dried to me.
Here’s a bit of an elaboration on my point earlier.
Say you have a medically restricted diet of some kind. You can’t eat peanuts, or sugar, or some particular item. If you eat this item, you’ll either die or experience a potentially fatal medical reaction. If you’re travelling to a foreign country, and don’t speak the language, you can’t make heads or tails of the menu. Are you just going to order something, and hope it doesn’t have the ingredient in it? Or will you not take the chance? Would you make an effort to learn the name of the item you’re supposed to avoid, in the language? Would you learn how to ask whether the item was in the dish you were ordering? I would.
Let’s say the guy was a Muslim, and did not eat pork. He’s in the United States, surely he realizes that many people eat pork here, and pork items are readily available in most restaurants. He doesn’t understand the menu, and has trouble communicating with the waitstaff. He finally chooses an item, which is brought out to him. I’ve seen baby-back ribs, I don’t think any reasonable person would believe they were from a cow. Here’s the dilemma, you don’t eat pork, you’re in a country where pork is commonly eaten. The waiter has brought you a meat dish which is clearly not beef (or chicken, or turkey). Are you going to eat it, or are you going to make an attempt to discover what sort of meat it is? Even without speaking a word of english, you could simply point to the dish with a questioning look, press your nose up and make an oinking sound, then point to the dish again. I think most people would understand that you were asking if this was meat from a pig. So, I think if you have a dietary restriction, the onus is on you to protect yourself.
Also, if he was unable to communicate with the waitstaff to the point of ordering an undesirable item, what could you do to warn him? (pointing at the dish and oinking would probably not be the best thing.)
I don’t think you need to worry about him anymore. If he were that worried about eating kosher, he probably wouldn’t have ordered anything with meat. Also, even though he may not know what pork looks like, he knows what the food looks like that he will normally eat, and if something looks foreign to him, and might be offensive to his God, he’s not going to take any chances. So, relax.
Not all people from the Middle East are Arabs (a former boss of mine was often mistaken for an Arab when in fact he was a Zoroastrian Farsi). Not all Arabs are Muslims (quite a few are Christians). So in this case, I would say that it’s best to leave well enough alone.
