Anyone who has worked in a restaurant, what is the common perception of eople who sit with a table but do not eat? I’m living on a severely medically restricted diet that precludes eating anything I haven’t made. Unfortunately, some friends of mine are fans of meeting and socializing in all sorts of fun ethnic restaurants and I’m thoroughly sick of being left out.
It was made eminently clear that bringing one’s own food is out of the question. However, is it just as rude to sit and not order food? I hate to take a seat from a paying customer, but literally cannot eat the food.
I guess, if possible, have a quick quiet word with the waiter (or Maitre D’ or whoever) some time around your arrival, just to explain. If they’re remotely competent, they’ll understand, and at least it avoids the akwardness of being handed a menu etc. If I were serving, that’d be fine.
Somebody simply not eating without explanation is, well, odd. It’d just outside the norm of what a waiver expects. So it’s not surprising they don’t know how to deal with it.
Just how restricted is your diet, BTW? I did once see somebody simply request plain rice and nothing else, other than a piece of fruit at the end of the meal. That was quite clearly for a very good reason, and at least made the inexperienced waiter on that table have less of a problem. As for bringing your own food - again, if well explained in advance, it’s not really rude, but it does cause huge problems in the kitchen. They’re very busy places.
Given the circumstances, I don’t think it’s rude not to order. Also, the server’s table is going to be taken up anyway by your friends. You’re not really imposing any more.
If you feel really bad about it, order a drink if it’s allowed by your diet. If you feel that you are taking up the server’s time or space, leave a dollar or two. Don’t leave yourself out of things because of a diet.
Maybe you could also see if your friends don’t mind doing something else that you could all participate in.
I was a waitress at an upscale restaurant for several years. If I was taking orders and got to somebody who said, “Nothing for me! I’m just here for the company” I would’ve just said, "Please let me know if there’s anything I can get you. " There’s really no reason for you to have to explain yourself to the waiter. Honestly, with as many special diets and food restrictions as there are, somebody who doesn’t want anything is pretty easy to deal with.
At my restaurant, if you had called ahead and spoken to one of the owners and explained your problem, they may have offered to prepare you something special in advance, or, less likely but still possible, agreed to your bringing your own food.
It’s a bitch how much socializing takes place over food isn’t it?
Been there. Yes it’s impolite to not order, but the staff should understand - and if you speak nicely to the staff, and it’s a decent restaurant, the kitchen staff will likely jump at the opportunity to experiment. Or say that you’re under doctor’s orders as to diet and can they do you just plain steak and plain boiled potatoes with no extras (or whatever - just keep it simple and common). Unless you’ve already eaten, your stomach will likely rumble when everyone else is being served.
Here is a rundown of my diet- Allicin hypersensitivity (no onions/garlic/leeks/
shallots/scallions/chives/onion smelling things) and just recently restricted to low-acid foods for stomach problems. (I miss you, oranges. And tomatoes. And coffee…) I’ve had problems from improperly cleaned pots used to cook safe foods and contaminating them before.
Once when I worked fast food we had a regular who had to bring in special bread so we could make her an unseasoned burger to put on it- the cooks hated her. I don’t want to be the token hated special-diet customer.
As for non-food activities, usually the outings consist of interesting food and then a foreign film, in that order. I have to get in on all of it if I want transportation.
Actually, everybody is correct about having a quiet and very polite talk with a manager, you would be surprised what a working kitchen can actually come up with - at one time fresh out of a hospital I managed to score a beautiful bowl of consomme, garnished with shreds of fresh spinach and a small amount of shredded plain chicken, I think I paid maybe $5US [everybody else was pegging their bill at around $35 each]
Depending on exactly what your diet is, if you let us know, people here can probably help you decide what to try asking for=)
If you are with a group of people, I don’t see why not ordering something would be a problem at all. The restaurant is still getting money from your friends, and it’s not like they would kick you out and place a paying customer in your seat at the table. Now if you all came in and only asked for water, that might be a problem. But just you, not ordering anything? You don’t even have to explain yourself. Or just say, “just a large ice-water for me, please!”
THIS seems to me like it might be the least objectionable alternative. And, it occurs to me that as a quick and dirty explanation as to why, simply say something like “I have to fast for the moment based on doctor’s orders.” and look sad about it. This is common shortly before some medical tests. No waiter is going to want to object if this is per doctor’s orders. And the temporary fasting fib is quicker and easier than explaining your dietary limitations.
Bummer, I have a friend that has the same allium allergy, and a serious problem with dairy products.
OK, how about a nice omelet, the sauteuse get washed between uses all the time…most places have fresh parsley, many have other spiffy fresh herbs [basil, tarragon, cilantro] and many places will have mesclun or other salad greens that are not mixed into a salad that they use as garnish on plates, so how about a salad with a nice fruity olive oil, a small omelet fines herbes in brown butter, a nice plain meal that most decent resteraunts can whip together. Are cheeses ok for you? meats? plain fish with drawn butter sprinkled with fresh parsley on a bed of rice or orzo is good also. Many places also have different veggies that they provide steamed that are good as well, you can pretty much get them without any sauces.
A friend of mine had a similar problem, albeit temporarily. We went out as a group, and she didn’t see anything on the menu she could have. So she just found something on the menu that was close and then asked the waitress if they could alter a few ingredients. The waitress happily agreed.
Or you could just not order anything. Since you’re part of a group, it’s not a problem.
It’s no big deal if you don’t order anything. That happened every now and then when I was waitressing, and I didn’t give it a thought. I just waited on the person the best I could, keeping their water filled, or whatever. I absolutely disagree with those who say it’s rude or odd not to order anything. You definitely don’t have to explain yourself. If an explanation is called for, you can just say you have “medical restrictions” or “severe food allergies.” It would be really rude and inappropriate for a restaurant staffer to demand further details.
And you should tip as if you had ordered something. Or at least throw in a few bucks.
As a server and former manager: it doesn’t matter. Happens all the time, really. Sometimes people just ate, sometimes they’re on a diet, sometimes they’re just not hungry. We don’t ask questions. My personal take on it: to impose upon my sense of etiquette, you have to make an active attempt to be annoying. Simply minding your own business and sitting with your friends as they dine doesn’t even come close.
Now, the tagalongs who order water, eat the complimentary rolls, and ask for multiple refills on both do get on my nerves after a while (especially if they order “water with extra lemon” and then put sugar in it – free lemonade!), but that doesn’t sound like what you’re describing.
This is the important part. As long as you do that they don’t care if you order something or not. But DON’T make the guy keep bringing you water and not leave a tip.
