The instructions on an air hand dryer:
- Push button
- Rub hands under air
- Machine stops automatically
4. Wipe hands on pants
Concrete back stairwell of art and architecture building, U of Oregon, Eugene: large, in pink chalk.
(next to a sketch of Notre-Dame du Haut at Ronchamp)
“Baby, you gotta’ kick that Corbusier habit!”
On the girl’s room wall in Jr. High:
“SUCK MY DICK!!!”
Someone later riposted: “Let’s hope you don’t have one!”
An oldie but a goodie:
“A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
If you had time to read this, you’re taking a shit.”
My brother told us this one: “Please do not throw toothpicks into the toilet–crabs can pole vault,”
and this one (over the urinals): “Please do not eat the large white mint.”
In the only bar in Vancouver that does that weird “urinals loaded up with ice cubes” thing:
WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES KEEPS PISSING ON MY BEER?
Cribbed from Robert Anton Wilson:
DO NOT THROW CIGARETTE BUTTS IN THE URINAL, FOR THEY ARE SUBTLE AND QUICK TO ANGER.
In the Irish Heather, in careful faux-Irish lettering under a red triangle:
JAMES JOYCE RUINED MY LIFE
(Okay, I wrote that, and got a few odd looks while I was doing it.)
Why is your username not Blue?
In the Ladies, Pacific Cafe (Slops) New Westminster, BC late '70’s -
“Stand back five feet - Crabs jump four!”
Good Egg, see here.
Okay, this thread reminds me of an incident from high school.
A girl in my English class, who was really sweet despite running with the jerkish “popular” crowd, was fidgeting with her books on her desk. She was moving them around, stacking them in different ways, and trying to cover as much of the surface of the desk as possible. It’s not distracting to the other students, but she’s obviously not paying attention to the lecture.
The teacher/journalism advisor stops the lecture and asks her, “Erin, what’s going on? Why aren’t you paying attention?”
She stops fidgeting, goes red, and is quiet for a second before answering. “Uh, there’s something on my desk.”
The teacher walks over to the desk and tells her to show him. When she clears off her desk, the male teacher physically recoils and said, “OH MY GOD.” You could hear the capital letters.
Some hoodlum in the previous period’s class (which my English teacher didn’ t teach) had covered the entire top of the desk with a very detailed picture of the female external sexual organs. It was utterly complete: pubic hair, labia majora, labia minora, clitoris, etc. This drawing was almost eighteen by twenty-four inches – it was gigantic. It was like a Georgia O’Keefe painting without the veneer of flowers. It had depth of field and what look like chiascurro shading.
I was a yearbook editor that year, and the other editors were all in that class. We talked it over in the editorial meeting that night, and the advisor said he had a moment where he didn’t know if he should have to cleaned off the desk or submit the whole thing to an art show. “Whoreticulture” or something. Seriously the most detailed drawing of a cooch I’ve ever seen.
Here I sit all brokenhearted
Came to shit but only farted
Then one day I took a chance
Tried to fart and shit my pants.
Found in a unisex gas station restroom, Dallas, TX, 2001.
everyone loves monkeys didn’t like my suggested username of “Pretend my girlfrie…” or anything else equally unimaginative. So she signed up with this one, but the server crashed halfway through apparently, so she’s been playing e-mail tennis with Tubadiva for the past few days (who has been very helpful).
Oh, and I replied to this rather than leaving it to her so her post count doesn’t overtake me!
I smashed the system! Fuck the police!
I also feel a little bit famous now
Thanks to tubadiva, she was extremely helpful and patent throughout the whole thing. It makes me think that there should be an anti-pit. Its kind of depressing that there’s a place to talk about how horrible people are, but not how good they are. Anyway, carry on…
Plenty of room for that in MPSIMS or the Cafe, or wherever it’s appropriate. The Pit is just sort of a ghetto for grumps gloomy-gusses.
What are yo starring up here for? The jokes in your hand!
Oh, man - there’s a toilet at the university I’m at with all kinds of funny stuff all over the walls. The best I remember are:
On the toilet paper dispenser: “[Nearby University] degrees, please take one”
On the wall opposite the throne, near the skirting:
You are now shitting at 45 degrees
And finally: “Dance like no-one’s watching. Poo like no-one’s listening.”
Genius.
Cleopatra Does the Nasty.
Seriously, though. At UCSD’s Geisel Library (the spaceship on Attack of the Killer Tomatoes), the 8th/top floor men’s bathroom had a running tally of the number of times one guy had had sex on same floor. An arrow pointing to the last tally noted “Finally got caught; didn’t stop til I was done.” An anonymous detractor replied, “It doesn’t count if you did it by yourself.”
I’m pretty sure the record of this campus legend has been wiped away by cleaning crews, or junkies on community service.
The monsoon drainage ditch I used to smoke pot at in Tucson had a chalk message on the wall (pretty far down) with an arrow pointing to the purported grave of a 12-year-old girl. Spooky.
I once found a bathroom graffito listing the five most popular flavors of Linux. I don’t think I’ll ever find one stranger.
You might be interested in: http://www.thewritingsonthestall.com/
Picture an old staircase leading down a hill to an old train station (now part of an art college). On the top step, someone wrote TRIP in small yellow letters. A few steps down, they wrote FALL. The rest of the steps going down all say FALL. At the bottom of the staircase is the outline of a body.
I like you already! Hope you stay.
On a condom machine, with an arrow pointing towards the coin slot:
“For refund, insert baby here”
A long long LONG time ago I accompanied my mother to the University of Pennsylvania library. (If you know Ivy League tuition prices you’ll soon realize just HOW long ago.)
In the basement ladies’ room a sign on the paper towel dispenser said “ONE TOWEL DRIES BOTH HANDS”. The handwritten comments:
“For $10,000 a year I’ll take 2, thank you.”
“Is it the tree’s fault you couldn’t get a scholarship?”
and
“What if they’re really super-wet?”
“Why do you think God gave you pant legs?”