…West Medical Building Lecture theater, University Of Glasgow.
Whats your favorite bit of desk/toilet cubical graffiti?
My very favorite was a dialogue written in a bathroom stall at my alma mater that went exactly like this…
Person #1: “Do you swallow?”
Person #2: “Only after I bite it off.”
Person #3: “What if you like pussy juice better?”
Person #4: “…or apple juice”
I mean, the first three lines were the regular lame bathroom graffiti, but the “…or apple juice” addition, that was just golden. I cracked up at it every time I saw that brilliant little non-sequitor.
In a piano practice room at McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario, late 1970s:
Handwriting #1: “I’m seven inches long, four inches wide and ready for love.”
Handwriting #2: “Yeah, but how big is your penis?”
I saw something very similar to this, once. Brilliant. I’ve written it on a few dryers in appreciation, and partly to pretend that I thought of it.
In Hanks Restarant and Bar, McKinney TX:
Iowa:
a) Partys
b) Rocks
c) Grows Corn
The most disturbing thing I ever read was in the 2nd floor men’s room, Student Acadamy, Ft. Gordon, GA
I fd her laughing
I fd her crying
I slit her throat,
I fd her dying
She is gone, but not forgotten
I dug her up, and fd her rotten
“No. of times I have been to Cessnock”; followed by IIII of somebody keeping count, currently over 20 times.
On the bathroom wall at Bankstown airport - where the daily training flight to Cessnock is clearly starting to wear on student and instructor alike.
My fave is one that has been seen on many a wall. I first encountered it in the library at Iowa State. Someone had written “Jesus saves!”
Below that, another added “…passes to Gretzky… Gretzky takes it down the ice… he shoots… HE SCORES!”
“Elvis works at Alco,” carved into a desk in Denison Hall, Kansas State University (found by me in the fall of 1986)
Fing rules*
Was it…
…declaring the sovereignty of sexual intercourse?
…expressing anger at regulation?
…an approved system of sexual intercourse?
…something to do with straight edges?
It has long since been obliterated but I still enjoy its ambiguity.
We have this coffeehouse in DC up in Adams Morgan where over the years people have written grout-inspired sayings/movie titles/etc on the grout…
Grout Expectations, All your grout belong to us, From grout with Love, etc, etc
(Name of boss) is so nasty, he has to sneak up on his own dick to pee.
“I fucked your mother!”
“Go home Dad, you’re drunk.”
“My mother made me a lesbian.”
“If I buy her the yarn, will she make me one, too?”
-Little 5 Points Pub, Atlanta, GA
On the tampon disposal bin, ladies room, English Department, Stephens College, early 90s:
“This bin is for your harpoons and surfboards.”
Written below:
“Nice euphemisms!”
An oldie but goodie:
Free Soviet Jews!
Limit five, please
“God is Dead–Nietzsche.”
Below,
“Nietzsche is dead–God.”
On the assgasket dispenser:
“Free Cowboy Hats! Take One!”
… or the classic:
“I have genital warts”, next to a drawing of a goose - it had been written/drawn by two different people, but I cracked up when I imagined the goose saying it. I spotted it on a desk in my German class at Michigan State.