Buy me a shot, you racist mother. . .

The BBQ Pit
1

No, lady, I’m not going to buy you a shot.

I stopped into the pub to have a late-night beer and wandered into an dice game. I won 5 out of 10 shakes, including 3 double pots. After the last shake I won (a double pot on boxcars, after a tie at 10) I bought a round of shots for the players.

You were seated next to me, but you weren’t playing dice. That doesn’t mean that I have to buy you a shot. I bought them a shot because I came onto the game late and took more money then I put in. But you didn’t put any money in.

You’re very attractive, but that doesn’t mean I have to buy you a shot. In the words of Sonny Crocket, “I"m immune to it. I wish I wasn’t, but I am.” And the fact that you were falling down every time you tried to stand up didn’t make you any more attractive.

And the fourth time you whined because I wouldn’t buy you a shot and I turned to you and said, very nicely, “Why should I buy you a shot?”

You called me a “racist motherfucker”.

Right. That was it. You nailed it. You’re (race) and I’m not. That’s why I didn’t buy you a shot.

Not because the people I bought the shot for had given me more money than that shot was worth. Not because you hadn’t even been in the game. Not because some of them are people I know. Not because they had been kind enough to let me into their game and had cheered my wins with the enthusiasm I cheered theirs.

But you think I didn’t buy you a shot because I’m (other race) and you are (race).

I hate that shit.

And the fact that you fell off your chair every time you tried to stand up

2

Um,

You can ignore that last “And the fact that you fell off your chair every time you tried to stand up.”

Failure to preview.

I did hate the fact she fell off . . . She was a very attractive woman and it was just sad.

3

Umm…she didn’t try to bum a cigarette off you perchance?

4

Nope, she had her own.

I did match her a dollar for the jukebox, in hopes she’d play something other than 70’s rock. Didn’t stick around long enough to find out if she did.

5

Ahhh yes.

Entitlement. Everyone deserves something for nothing, man, didn’t you know that?

An Illustrative Story

A local bar the Mrs. and I used to frequent ran a football (American) betting pool, for Monday nights. It was a “betting square”, numbered columns and rows, and you bought a box for $2. If your box was the 7 column, row 3, and the score at the end of any quarter ended in some variety of 7 to 3 (17 to 13, 13 to 7, 23 to 17, so on and so on) you won a quarter of the pot, or something along those lines.

[sub]Part of the pot went to the bar, so it wasn’t actually a full $200 pot to start with. But I digress.[/sub]

One Monday night we bought the very last box left open, with some odd combination of numbers, unlikely to normally come up in a football score.

[sub]It was like 8 and 2, or something similar.[/sub]

We hit three of the four quarters. Despite what we spent on booze and munchies, we were actually going home ahead of the game, monetarily speaking.

We bought a round for the bar in celebration (all eight or nine people who were there, it was small place) and after drinking up, headed for the door.

The schmuck at the end of the bar, an acquaintance at best, pipes up with, “One round? You won all that money, and you’re only buyin’ one round? Cheap bastard.”

First of all, you didn’t even buy into the game. Second of all, I’m pretty sure we won the cash and not you, numbnuts, making your opinion of how it gets spent pretty fucking moot. Third, I don’t like you anyway, asshole, as you’re loud and obnoxious, and have been all night.

Of course, I didn’t say that, as the idiot was drunk enough that he’d have probably taken a swing at me, and bar fights are real low on my list of adult funtime activities.

What I actually said was, “Yeah, life’s a bitch, ain’t it?” Exuent stage left, while the moron puzzles his way through it.

So, yeah, people can be greedy fools, more so in bars than other places, I guess. So I sympathize, and yeah, it’ll piss you off.

But whatcha gonna do, let the opinion of a “gimme gimme” knob ruin your night? Fuck 'em. Go home and enjoy your hard bought buzz. (So much the better if you go home with someone else.)

6

One night, shortly after receiving a sizable profit-sharing check, I stopped into my favorite haunt for a couple. There were a few people there, 8-10 at best, most of whom I’d never seen before in my life. I waited until the strangers left, leaving only 2 of my friends and myself. I hailed the bartender and said, “Quick! Let me buy a round while I know everybody in here!” Much giggling amongst the 4 of us and the bartender began pouring out the round. A very obnoxious acquaintance stumbled in, found out what was going on and demanded he be included in the round. :rolleyes:

Darling bartender said “When you feel compelled to buy a round, then I’m sure others will feel compelled to return the favor.”

:wally

7

"But you think I didn’t buy you a shot because I’m (other race) and you are (race).

I hate that shit."

Me too.

I was out one night playing pool with some friends and last call had passed. A (native) guy walked up to me and offered to play me a game for a beer and I replied that if the bar was still open I’d be happy to oblige as I love free beer… :slight_smile:

He went a little nuts after this and started this tirade about me not wanting to play him because I was a fucking racist. I politely said it was nothing of the kind and that I was just enjoying the company of my friends. I said we could play another day.

He kept going with the racist schtick and then told me he was going to take me outside and kick my ass. His friend kept telling him to quit as I think he noticed that there was two of them and half a dozen of us.

I handed my drink to a friend and said I’d be right back and that “this won’t take long”. I politely told the guy that I was ready and we could go outside.

The guy had an epiphany right then and there, he apologized for being rude and said we’d play another time.

What a tool.

8

whistlepig, I may be wrong, but I think astro was making a “funny” regarding the asking for a cigarette comment…it was in another thread somewhere. Anyway, I was just wondering if the term “pub” is common in Montana. I thought they had “saloons” up there. :slight_smile:

9

ok, if the lady (?) had gone to the bar herself i assume she would have been refused service because of her inebriated state, correct?

so, even if none of the other reasons applied (and they all do), you still shouldn’t have bought her anything.

people who can’t stand up any more, shouldn’t drink any more.

10

Skeezix: In the best of all possible worlds, your reply should have been, “Alright, one more for everyone in the room. EXCEPT that drunken asshole at the end of the bar!”

11

FUCK!

Miller, where were you eight years ago, man?

[sub]Brilliant, absolutely genius.[/sub]
Forgot to include the coda of that post, the bit that was most relevant to whistlepig’s OP:

Racist? Drunken pain-in-the-ass is a race, now. It’s nice to see downtrodden people get their due recognition.

Every time I hear someone of any color, nationality or background cry “racist!” when it should be blatantly obvious that race has nothing to do with the issue at hand, I want to say, “Y’know, you’re right. It’s all about your race. I only treat human beings with any real respect.”

12

There used to be a common Vegas scam where the seedier casinos would have waitresses come over to tourists walking by and say:
“Do you tip well? Because I have a tip for you if you tip well. That machine in the back there…its about to hit.” So, you go to the machine in the back, which only takes $5 tokens, and you put one token in.

“No…” she whines. “You have to put 3 in!”. So, stupidly, the tourist puts three in and pulls and pulls and pulls for Nothing. Finally, if any jackpot (and I do mean ANY) comes up…the waitress runs right over wanting all of it as her ‘Tip’.

I’ve heard that Vegas has cleaned up a lot since I last saw that scam…supposedly its all water parks & disneyland-ish, with all the gambling hidden away in back rooms. I’m sure that same old tired scam isn’t going on today…

13

I believe Richard Fenyman had a chapter devoted to this sort of thing (minus the racist remark…) in his book
“Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Fenyman”

Definately worth reading it.