Yeah, because if the aliens aren’t friendly, we know what’ll happen! [Groundskeeper Willie]Damn cheese eating surrender monkeys![/GW]Tennessee would be happy to offer up some of its mountains and its Jack Daniels distillery. In exchange, we want real culture, and a decent economy. If you act fast, we’ll throw in TBN and our 9.5% sales tax for free!
I’ve got decriminalized prostutution, low rent, and dirt-cheap weed that I’ll exchange for Mexican restaurants and a local Guinness factory.
Wait a minute, what am I saying? I can make Mexican food at home. I take that back. The Guinness can wait.
Okay, I’ll offer cheap, modern dental care (painless fillings for US$10) in exchange for a working public-transportation system. Anyone?
From Ireland, you’re welcome to have:[ul][li]Rain[]The Corrs[]Bad public transport[]Coleslaw[]Some Plastic Paddy from Chicago called Michael Flatley. Can someone get him out of here, please?[/ul]Would happily swap all these for one good-condition Kylie.[/li]
Will hang onto the Guinness, the pubs, the trad music, the scenery and the craic.
We (England) have a Kylie for sale. Perfect in all ways except she doesn’t have a mute button or volume control. We will adopt the same stance as the prior owner (Australia) and will not accept returns or refunds when the Kylie starts irritating the shit out of all of you 
We also have rain to spare and bad public transport so we’ll give those a miss. If anyone is interested we also have snobbery, elitism, sexism, racism, Tony Blair, Victoria Beckham and horrific education and healthcare systems available.
In return for the Kylie we would like some civil liberties. Our government keeps taking ours away :mad:
Ya’ll can have Hollywood. We don’t even have to trade!
S’okay. We can refrigerate the warm beer and make it cold beer. However, we already gave you Fosters, and there ain’t nothin’ you can do with that shit.
We win again 
I’m offering the following bargain basement never-to-be-repeated flood damage clearance sale items:
[ul][li]Jamie Oliver (complete with fat tongue)[/li][li]Jim Davidson (and his interesting views on race)[/li][li]David Icke (comes in turquoise only)[/li][/ul]
All I ask for in return is some of that fancy 'Merkin na-palm I’ve been hearing all about.
In fact, keep the napalm and those chaps. You’ll need the former after spending time with the latter.
Hmmm.
… trudges off admitting defeat 
… and starts planning to emigrate to Holland.
Mind you, on the good side I can offer the following:
[ul][li]Pickled onion flavour Monster Munch.[/li][li]Lack of disingenuous customer service (well … lack of customer service at all in some places).[/li][li]No incoming mobile call charges.[/li][li]Beer that you could hide a body in.[/li][li]Christmas crackers.[/li][li]Jaffa Cakes (complete with the smashing orangey bit).[/li]Nippy access to passport control throughout Europe.[/ul]
ATTENTION STRAIGHT DOPE SHOPPERS:
we have a blue light sale going on!
we are now offering:
ALL-U-CAN EAT buffets.
buy one get one free.
Apparently, I am up for trade, too!
I am most anxiously looking for a home in London or Amsterdam.
Well, as a Canadian I’ll ante up:
Celine Dion
Beer (Crap – errr, good beer, like Moosehead that nobody drinks but everyone out of Canada thinks Canadians drink)
Tom Green
A bunch of really, really old, self serving corrupt, lame duck polititians… Uh, but they’re good. Really.
One wolverine
Alan Thicke
Cheap internet and phone charges
A bunch of broken down, second hand submarines
We’ll trade the aforemention package to:
The US for a bunch of our hockey players back or a couple of new F-18s. [sub]How about just a fair softwood deal and we’ll keep Tom Green?[/sub]
Holland for Boobies or willing to negotiate for…?
GB- well, we’d be willing just to get our money back on the subs
We could use some new Helicopters to replace the Crashing Sea-Kings [sup]TM[/sup]
We’re open to offers though!
I think maybe should do a massive global trade on politicians. We all think our politicians are corrupt, inept and hopeless excuses for humanity so maybe we should all just switch. We could organize it like a multi-player NBA transfer deal; sell the TV rights to Fox for millions so SDMB can upgrade their server
Oh yeah, I want the politicians from Holland
Anyone got a use for a transport system whose major notables include John Prescott, Railtrack contractors who seem to employ disabled staff(ie blind) to tighten up all the bolts on the track, we have a couple of M25’s and a slightly used Tinsbury Viaduct.
We could throw in an air traffic control that crashes in a way Bill Gates would be proud of,
Traffic calming measures that would break the back of an M1 tank.
Speed cameras painted in high visibility dark blue,
and the special, our proudest achievement, an oldie but a goddie, the pinnacle of maritime seaworthyness
RMS Titanic, well even throw Leo Capriarti, Kate Winslet, a dodgy story line bordering on the libellous, some corny pretend
“celtified” flute music, hell, we’ll even chuck in Celine Dion and her them tune too.
(We would like to have kept the Iceberg but Greenland got dibs on that)
To everyone who has offered Celine Dion, sorry, but we already have her for the next 3-4 years here in Las Vegas.
However, we will gladly return her, if you promise to take Pauly Shore as well.
Also, representing the great City of Las Vegas, we will trade Sigfried and Roy and Wayne Newton to anyone for three days of rain.
Apologies to Italy - we are keeping The Bellagio and The Venetian.
Same to France…Paris stays here in Las Vegas where it belongs!
We will donate a few buffets to any countries going through drought and famine.
And re: trading the legal bordellos outside of Clark County…in your dreams.
Are we talking Pim Fortuyn(sp?)? He’s dead, I know, but aren’t those the best kind?
(Not being from Holland I can’t actually propose a deal, however I don’t think The Netherlands deserved Pim, couldn’t the U.S. take him off their hands?)
Splutter, cough, indignant noises! No we bloody won’t! Not at any price. Jeez, turn your back for one second and you can be sure that a woman will try to give away one’s most precious childhood… errrr… toys.
Sorry. Too late. Deal has already been agreed. Kylie is going to Ireland, I get Nicole (for myself, I wasn’t bidding on her out of patriotism or anything) and Ireland are going to send some rain your way
I have intense humidity going real cheap at the moment! Willing to trade for 100% guaranteed non-mad cow beef.
Due to lack of interest and ellergic reactions, we’re giving this away for free, yes FREE, with only shipping and handling to be payed by the country picking up our goods:
[ul][li]Worlds highest sales tax: 25%[/ul][ul][]Worlds wettest and dreariest climate, with temperatures actually often being the same at Christmas time and mid July[/ul][ul][]Worlds highest price on alcohol. Swedish made Absolut actually sells for around $30 here.[/ul][/li]We have allready given away A-teens to Disney,and good riddance. The first taker of the above mentioned offers will also get, free of charge, all our future production of Lut Fisk(don’t even ask)
Any donations, no matter how small, towards our TeleThon to raise money to buy the south of Spain, is welcome. All you have to do is pick up the phone and dial 1-900-HELPSWE.