In the United States Borg like interest of absorbing all we can from other cultures and as repayment and/or revenge for American stuff that has infiltrated your shores, we are holding a giant, international swap meet / yard sale.
If you’re selling or trading, we’re buying and swapping ! Whadda got? Whadda want?
What do we have to trade? Hmmm… how about
The most advanced medical care in the world - for a price
High quality dental care - still pricey
Cheap gasoline
Huge SUVs
Country Music
RAP (special this week)
Huge 24 hour Supermarkets
Harley Davidsons
Tom Cruise (you break him you bought him)
Mega-Churches
Stealth Bombers
Kick Ass Constitution
Lawyers, lawyers and more lawyers
Tipping wait staff
Cheap electronics and consumer goods
Sam Adams Beer
Tony Robbins
I like those English teas and that Australian mutton!
…We in the U.S. would be willing to trade you some of our weird aircraft prototypes for a supply of animated lesbian themed romantic comedy technothrillers.
Oh, and all you small, prosperous, peaceful countries that have it made? Like Singapore, Iceland and Switzerland? We’d be happy to ship off sections of California’s central valley to help boost your ambient misery levels. And for a VERY good price!
However, as a gesture of our goodwill, we’ll give ya Nicole Kidman (provided you make sure you keep Rolf Harris and Bazza Humphries under lock and key…we’re not taking any more questionable immigrants ya know!!)
The documentation that came with Minogue didn’t mention anything about it being non-returnable. It didn’t come with instructions either so we can’t stop it making horrible shrieking noises all the time.
However, thank you for the offer of Nicole Kidman. We accept.
We may be able to cut a deal on Rolf Harris and Bazza Humphries. We would require your cricket team (in exchange for ours obviously) and you must commit to never, ever allowing an Australian soap opera to leave your shores again.
I’m sorry, those conditions are unacceptable. You can have Shane Warne (feed him baked beans, that’ll keep him happy), but you’re not having the rest of the team.
As for soap operas, you keep your East Enders, and we’ll keep our Neighbours.
I have a peninsula for sale. The natives call it ‘Florida’, but in the high language, it’d be called ‘Ganagior’ - ‘Island That Couldn’t Make The Cut, So It Had To Settle With Three Sides Water Rather Than Four’. It’s mostly swamp, mosquitoes and Mickey Mouse, but it has a space center and somewhere, the Fountain of Youth. Come on, don’t you Brits want to go into space? The Sun will certainly never set on the British Empire then. Imagine! The Union Jack on Uranus!
Oh, and a number of other planets with funny names.
If you don’t want Florida, Britain, I’ve got France, Germany and Sweden on hold. Really. Do you want a future where the major mode of interstellar travel consists of Citroëns, Volkswagens and Volvos? Space rations of long, unwieldly bread, beer and lutefisk? What will the extraterrestrials think? Imagine first contact with the French!
“We come in peace. Take me to your leader.”
“Ahhh blow ma nose at yoooou, you bottom-feeding gerbil son of a steam-powered ear plungeeer! Go back to Xixax where you came from, silly pig-shaveeer!”
OK - we’ll take Florida but in return you must assume control of Wales;
With Wales you will also acquire Tom Jones and the welsh language. Very little is know of this language other than “Leisure Centre” translates to “3 sheep tied to a lamp post”
This thread is hilarious. The Kylie exchange is particularly funny.
Of course, Holland will claim her. Before some Mick named yojimbo will!! Hah! Leverage!
I now have Kylie, and will trade her with the Irish. As an exchange, I shall ony accept… St. James’ Gate aka The Guinness Brewery! C’mon, you lousy Paddies, leggo, gimme gimme!
