UK here -
PLEASE let us have the wolverine. Please. In return you can have Carol Vorderman and all her teeth! Every single one!
oh please. A wolverine is just what this country needs.
I’d offer some cold rainy weather, but we seem to be all out. 30 degrees Celcius in Amsterdam today, and a few more tomorrow!
Anyone need any sheep?
Also, as we just had an election yesterday, we have a large number of spare politicians. Though sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between them and the sheep (they both make bleating noises all the time).
UK, I would love to send you some civil liberties, but Blair and Bush are in cahoots, I fear. Our liberties are disappearing, too. I bet the sneaky Swiss are getting them, and hording them in their super-sneaky bank accounts.
Alabama has a large variety of VW-sized bugs to offer, plus in a one day only sale, we will throw in a stupid college football rivalry. All I want is some Maude-damned Kinder Surprise Eggs.
We will happily take Kylie from whomever has her now. Poor thing is being passed around like a joint. In exchange for Kylie, we can offer some pageant queens with really grating Southern-belle accents, and Britney Spears.
Kylie is really not even that bad of a roommate. She has been quiet all day. See all you sillies, all it took was a little duct tape and a sound proof room! Now what have we done about this whole Celine thing?
And the rest of the state of Florida is fine and good with being traded off. It seems most of us are from other places anyway. We get to keep Disney World thought right? And don’t you texans even think about sending YOUR Bush with us!! We already have one of our own, Jeb. He may not be as suave and eloquent as his older bro, but he’s about all the Bush we can tolerate. – Speaking of which anyone interested in Jeb? He comes with a really goofy look on his face, fun for the whole family. Seems nice enough really.
Oh yes and just a little something to think about, now that my fellow Americans have traded us off, where will you send all of your drunken college students for spring break? Ever think about that??? uh huh, now you’ve done it haven’t you…
Germany speaking … as always we are late, so here goes:
as requested we offer speed-limitless highways (also well known as “the german autobahn”). Be aware, though, that they come interspersed with very brutal speed-limits (i.e. from unlimited down to 50 km/h (which translates to something like 0.4 mp/h)) and acommpanying radar traps. We also will have to add endless construction sites that will take away three of the four lanes and will add several hundred kilometers of “stau” (traffic jam). Offer is non refundable.
Let’s see, what else do we have in the bag?
We can now offer a once-in-a-lifetime offer of a crazy drugaddict stock market that will rise, plunge and do the hockeypockey all day long. Attached to it are private stock buyers that will buy any kind of stock at the drop of the head. Be aware that they come including endless moaning and utter incomprehence that stock might actually fall.
Also on sale now: summers that aren’t worthy the name, inept politicians (not particularly corruptible but sometimes amazingly stupid). Sold seperately: the FDP (Free Democratic Partei) that basically behaves like a leech towards any other party that won the last elections. Yeah, I know demand is very low, but bare with me…
At the moment we are looking for foreign food restaurants that are not charging an arm and a leg, a currency that’s actually worth something and video game systems that are not brought here three years after everybody else got them. If you can throw in a bunch of consumer service we might add a bunch of good ol’ german beer and sauerkraut in the deal.
Another NZer here. In full agreement with MacSpon, and adding to the pot a few casinos, some highrise Auckland totems of power from downtown yuppy land, and a few spare mad motorway designers.
Sorry, you can’t have our entertainers. They’re part of what keeps us sane.
Unfortunately we’ve all got one of those at the moment 
… and if you are offering we’ll take BMW and some of those big ol’ beer glasses that hold about 10 pints.
And could we get the scoreboard (1-5) from last years football match please 
Here in Minnesota, we have a soon-to-be-unemployed governor to offer. Ex-Navy SEAL commando, ex-wrestler, ex-actor, holds some out-there opinions.
What else? How about bitterly cold winters, hot and humid summers, good hunting, good fishing, and some very nice lakes (with 10000 or so, we have a few to spare.) And a domed football/baseball stadium - Less than 20 years old, but already out of date.
Our last local brewery is going belly-up, so we need beer! On a personal note, Canada, I’d like to substitute Alannah Myles for Celine Dion (sure, I’m behind the times, but so what! I like her), and Sweden, thanks for the offer of Lutefisk, but we have more of the stuff than we know what to do with here.
That doesn’t sound to bad, it’s better then the dutch highway.
Add Schumacher and Holland will give you the beach and a couple of shovels every 50 yards.
Wait, wouldn’t the exchange with the French go more like:
E.T.'s: We come in peace, take us to your leader.
The French: Su cre bleu! We surrender!!
Mexico is willing to offer:
Policemen that make alliance with kidnapping groups
A loud mouthed no-result president
Tequila (will trade for scotch and vodka)
The rest of the world is stuck with Corona beer and be advised we will not take it back.
We are looking for:
a decent president
a decent national soccer team
and better roads ( ok, we will trade tequila for the autobahn)
cuba everywhere? have you been to miami lately?! that’s a negligable difference at best. and hello to anyrae! i spent the first 18 of my scarce 20 years in delightful cape coral. i hear they’re going to build a 6 flags and a giant mall out in bu-fu nw cape. craziness. speaking of entertainment, i would like to mention that the millions of tourists who flock here every year for vacation seem to be more than willing to get rid of it pretty fast. but then where will you and your four screaming, belligerent children go to vacation?
Regret that due to the productive capacity of some of your prior exports (particularly in Minnesota) we already have sufficient lutefisk for the needs of our continent, and three others.
We are, however, more than happy to accept your climate. In exchange, we will be shipping you tomorrow’s forecast (eastern half of the country) via express delivery at no cost to you: “Debilitating heat grips Eastern Seaboard…Monday and Tuesday stifling from Boston southward through the Carolinas (about 1600 km). Excessive heat warnings or heat advisories are already in effect for much of the Mid-Atlantic. Additional warnings and advisories will certainly follow. Relief will be limited. Temperatures on Monday that are 10 degrees f. above average mean highs nearing 100 (38) degrees from Richmond to Columbia. With high humidity (dewpoints in the 70s [21-26 range c.]), heat indices will be well over 110 (43) degrees in many locations.”
This exchange is not refundable.
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Re Kylie.
N Ireland happy to take her in whatever condition. Willing also to offer a safe haven to Andrea Corr - the other sisters are married so they can sort themselves out.
In return we offer the world’s worst politicians - you can take them all. Finest display of bigotry - beats even the KKK.
Paramilitaries and the people who let them run their lives (includes those mentioned above)
Ugly Belfast - wants to be capital of culture but is rundown hell hole where children can’t go to school in peace.
Giants Causeway - like, what’s that all about anyway?
and rain of course. Lots and lots of rain.
Any takers?
Ooo, Matsuyama will take the rain! Currently our dam is only 46% full, and the rainy season has finished.
What would you like in return, paul d.?
Does anyone want 100% humidity, way too high temperatures, and a helluva lot of typhoons? (I figured you guys wouldn’t want all the earthquakes we have around here, but they are fun, provided you aren’t too close to the fault) As I type right now, it’s raining buckets outside.
I’ll take midwinter blizzards and as much snow as you wanna send over.
(Er, I’m in Taiwan)
Orrrrrrright.
Australia has the deal of the century.
Dear USA
We will take George W Bush off your hands. I shall keep him in my basement. In return, we offer you New Zealand, which I assure you, we do actually own.
How can you refuse?
Who wants some Melbourne weather? (Oh, if a bloke called woolly sticks his head into this thread, just ignore him OK? 
)
We also have a whole crapload of stupid, ethnocentric politicians who need a new home.
In return, I’ll gladly accept some cheap Thai dental services thankyou. I’ll pay the postage, no worries mate!