Having that configuration of parts. Not for having decided to, just that you were born with them. A Privileged and yet involuntary situation, if you see what I mean. Gender is some nasty stuff.
Expressing it. Calling it something.
Realizing
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I’m not really good at short-form verbal expression, I’m more in my element in the verbose camps but I like this one…
Ehhhhhh…?
Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of. Like I said, I’m not good at short-form.
Well, I called it my privates.
My brother said his pee-pee til we beat it in his brain it was a wang-wang.
No I understand you. I think.
I think you’re talking about the realization that your parts you got born with didn’t fit what you feel is you, really.
I’ve recently come to the realization that the parts s person has are not necessarily the gender as expressed in popular culture.
I thought since very young “gender” meant having female or male characteristics. Nothing sexual that you could see, unless they were nude.
Now it’s more of a social word. That means things I barely understand. Which is fine I need my learning curve like everyone.
I don’t offend people on purpose, I don’t say much, but if I’m uncertain I surely won’t comment.
Yeah, this, exactly. And the effort to talk about it.
See how easy that was to say?
I get you though. If you feel shy or not sure you just gotta judge the crowd.
Hard? Probably.
I have a couple things I really hate to tell people about myself because it changes or forms their opinion of me.
Somethings you can’t hide from people. It’s just not healthy to really try. I suppose.
And you shouldn’t have to.
People do it though.
It’s only a wee wee
So what’s the big deal?
It’s only a wee wee
So what’s all the fuss?
It’s only a wee wee
And everyone’s got one
There’s better things to discuss.
If you’re not good at short form, then don’t use short form.
I think you’re looking for a short, simple word for “anatomical sex”?
No, sorry. (again, the problem with short form writing). I meant the entire cluster of anatomic sex + being cisgender + being male in a world that privileges maleness (i.e., patriarchy) + being at odds with the expectations foisted upon me as a consequence of maleness + I did not transition in order to become male.
Expressing THAT. Putting a label on it, the act of doing that.
I suspect you are You. A You. Your You.
Maybe you don’t need a label.
I accept You as you are, for one.
It’s hard to put a concise label on it the same reason* fish don’t have a single comprehensive word for the waterness of water: it’s so pervasive it’s inexpressible.
*Well, the other reason, besides “fish don’t use words so far as we know.”
There’s not going to be a simple way to express as complex an issue as the interaction of general societal expectations of gender and your personal experience of your gender identity. There’s how you feel, plus how the people who know you expect you to act, plus what people who interact with you casually expect, plus the dictates of the patriarchy that we all live with and don’t notice a lot of the time.
It’s easy to say just be who you are, but it’s a lot harder to disentangle that from the societal template for your assigned gender and express it to others.
Does “non-conforming male” work, then? Your body is male, you call yourself male, but you don’t match society’s expectations for maleness?
The thing that confounds me is that, it seems to me that there are fewer “society’s expectations for maleness (and femaleness)” than ever before. In the past, sex/gender roles were much more sharply divided, and there was much more of a distinction between what was allowed and expected of men and what was allowed and expected of women. Nowadays, people can hold whatever jobs they want, date and marry whoever they want, dress however they want, have whatever interests they want, participate in whatever activities they want, regardless of whether they are male or female. Maybe not absolutely so, but more so than at any time in the past, it seems to me.
So why, now, are there so many more people than ever before claiming to be non-binary or reluctant to identify with one particular gender?
I think it’s because so few people actually conform to the ideals. Culture defines what a perfect man or perfect woman should be like and it’s not comfortable to know you can’t meet those bars. People have different coping mechanisms for that, and one way is to redefine yourself with criteria you already conform to.
I think it’s safer now, and the more people who feel safe enough to come out, the better we will all get at understanding.
I don’t need to “call it something” in order for ME to be okay with who I am. That’s not what this is about.
I have felt the need to do so in order to make an issue of how people like me are treated, socially. I don’t think I’m a very GOOD social activist, I don’t regard myself as a SUCCESSFUL social activist, but that was the intention. I think a lot of us set out to do that, to stand up for ourselves both as individuals and as members of a class that we defined. To speak up about things. You can’t do that without some “we are these people” definitional acts, hence “calling it something”.