The pot’s not the problem, regardless. The law is. That’s why I refuse to have anything to do with enforcing it.
Causing problems with cops and dealers can both be avoided by not calling the cops, and not preventing the kid from being able to make his nut for his supplier.
OK, that could be withing the realm of what I was trying to say too. Still does not seem like something you destroy a family over without letting calmer heads take a whack at it first
ETA: Seems like we are generally aligned here.
Yup, he is responsible. Like I said way upthread, hope he enjoys his new lonely life.
And I will add “Hope he is not a man prone to regrets”.
I think the shoving could well have been a panic reaction to the thought of losing his suppliers’ weed. It might have been avoidable with some reassurances that his actually personal safety (not to mention the rest of the household) wouldn’t be jeopardized. Realistically, if it was my kid, I would know that just confiscating the pot could cause more problems and panic the kid. My likely response to finding the weed would be to find out what he owes on it, give him the cash to pay, then law down the law about getting out of the business, not because I think there’s anything morally wrong with selling pot, but because of the risk he’s bringing down on his own future.
I would also take the pot into protective custody, of course, and I might be spending some extra time in the garage for the next few weeks.
Or he could get a lot of people hurt and in deep trouble. You’re making huge assumptions about the kid here, and while we can’t say for sure what the father’s motivations were, I don’t see why you are painting him as a horrible person.
Not necessarily once violence and criminal behavior has happened. You are free to use that method to solve problems in your family; I wouldn’t second guess a parent who chose a different path.
You gave the impression it never happens. It does. I was immediately able to provide such a cite because I knew the two youngsters involved. I’m not saying such things are the inescapable fate of all who get involved in the drug subculture. I am saying that the drug subculture is not all happy, friendly, pot head land where everybody joins hands while they pass around a doobie. It is, in the end, a culture of illegality. Such a culture is going to include a higher than average number of predatory assholes.
Really? That very minute people were in mortal danger compared to the minute before, such that all consideration for evaluating a situation before acting was rendered superfluous, and only a “Cop ™” could save everyone?
I would because I have to live in their (and your) sorry world. Seriously, you can’t consider or even identify ANY other possible solutions? Not one?
Based on the info presented and considering that we have hearsay from the father only–nothing from the mother or the kid–I don’t think I’d call the cops in this situation. Certainly not unilaterally as he did. Regardless of whether the mother is being too soft on the boy, she’s entitled to be pissed by that. Without knowing more about their relationship, I can’t even judge her for moving out.
Maybe I’m a hoodrat or something and just never realized it until now, but being shoved by your angry son in the heat of an argument doesn’t strike me as an law enforcement issue. I’d be much more apt to freak out about the marijuana, but to be honest, the operative reason that I’d be freaking out is the fear that my son would do something stupid on the street, get caught by the police, arrested, imprisoned, and then released after several years only to find himself marginalized from success and happiness for the rest of life. Like thousands of junvenile offenders and ex-cons every year who get caught up in the War on Drugs. So me calling the cops on him seems to be the best way to ensure that my worst nightmare would come true.
I’d much rather send him off to military school. Does this option not exist anymore?
Sure, if you have the dough.
Right, except if you drop the dime on him, he gets all that, and he has you to blame for it.
Never call the police on family or friends unless the legal matter at hand is more important than your relationship with the person.
Poor people don’t do too well in the justice system (often because they can’t afford good lawyers), so not having the dough to spare is one more reason for not calling the cops, IMHO.
And I agree with you spark. This is one of those situations in which the dad is well within his rights to call the cops, but not without potentially sacrificing a lot more than it’s worth.
I get the impression when reading this thread that the phrase ‘phyrric victory’ isn’t used much anymore. That or we as a society have just gotten really mean and heartless.
Look, we see the situations differently. I have seen kids who were in need of a reality check that the cops could provide, and I’ve seen families who were in genuine fear of harm from out of control kids. Was this kid one of them? I don’t know, but you don’t either. In general, I have no problem calling the cops if the situation warrants it, regardless if the problem is with a family member. It’s not the first thing that comes to mind, but from the story we’ve been told it doesn’t sound like this came completely out of the blue either.
I really don’t get why you want to demonize someone who disagrees with you. There are consequences in life, and this kid just encountered one of them. It’s not ideal, but it may be for the best down the road.
[QUOTE=Telemark;cops could provide, and I’ve seen families who were in genuine fear of harm from out of control kids. Was this kid one of them? I don’t know, but you don’t either. In general, I have no problem calling the cops if the situation warrants it, regardless if the problem is with a family member. [/QUOTE]
I’m guessing you have has a few situations warrant it then, and then think back to the beginning and apply my suggestion. Was it really the wisest course of action to irrationally decide to use the strongest weapon you had in your arsenal? how did that work out?
Is it the advice you propose to everyone? Becuse it seems to be so for lots on this thread.
Sure, and you can’t conceive of ANY other possible solution to try first besides immediately calling the cops?
I didn’t realize I was demonizing anyone, but now that you mention it, it was a total asshole move in the OP IMHO. I don’t know enough about your case, nor is this the pit, so I reserve comment on that.
That is precisely what I meant - you are wiling to push on cops the responsibility of maybe fixing your family issues, in an emergency no less, instead of identifying other professionals during calmer times (or emergencies) who are , you know, actually trained to help you, instead of funnel everyone into and through the criminal justice system.
No, I’m for calling the cops when the situation warrants it. I guess we’ll just have to disagree on the rest.
Such as in the OP?
Does “the situation” warrant it a lot in your family? more than once? Maybe some of those others I mentioned might be helpful in fixing that trend?
I believe so, yes.
Hasn’t happened yet.
What you seem to be missing is that the father felt that it WAS warranted. You can’t just come along and say it wasn’t, without knowing much, much more about the story. I know families in which teens have committed armed robbery, armed bank robbery, and murder. I know teens whose parents did call the police for shoving and leaving just like the OP’s B-I-L. I had a case last year just like this where the girl would not comply with the community service hours, and later got picked up for much more serious crimes. I had another family where the teen did comply, turned her life around, and is doing great now. Her record will be wiped clean next year. I had another case where the teen was so out of control that the family was terrified of him because he was twice their size and had dangerous anger problems. The thing is, we don’t know any more than what was stated in the OP, and you seem to be unable to comprehend that there may be more than the two sentences we were given, if the father felt it was that justified. Do you know that this was the first thing the father tried?
Per the OP, the dad *did *call the cops. So what happened after, beside the wife’s getting pissy? Have all their lives been destroyed because the cops got involved? Is the kid back in the home or with the wife somewhere else?
I’m solidly on the dad’s side here for several reasons.
Posters who say, “no cops - it’s a family thing,” I have to ask. If the dad had not called the cops, what do you see happening next? The son dumps the drugs and saunters home and says “what pot?” Gets grounded (hah!) until next time when he may have a knife to defend his pot?
Mu undestanding was Mom took son and left Dad.
That is one possibililty. Another is saner heads prevail, let’s say Mom for argument’s sake. Everyone takes a deep breath, and decides to seek out counsel appropriate fixing a family clearly on the verge of splitting up.
Probably legal advice that represents the family’s interests is a good idea. Probably some sort of therapy for individuals of combinations of people or both is a good idea. Maybe a review with the kid’s school to discuss behaviors that the others haven’t seen is a good idea…there are lots of things that can help and assess the situation before rashly firing the big gun. You can always pull the big gun out later, but you can’t unshoot it once you do.