Calling yourself "fun-loving" in a singles site profile

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

I’ve noticed that a lot of singles site profiles start by saying “I’m a fun-loving gal…” or words to that effect.

I don’t wish to offend anyone, but doesn’t that sound kinda meaningless? It seems to me that this doesn’t really tell you anyting; after all, who doesn’t enjoy having fun? People may have different ideas of what fun is, but virtually everyone enjoys having fun.

Am I off base here? Maybe I’m wrong here, but this strikes me as empty padding. It sounds like the kind of thing that people write when they don’t have much to say. Usually, when I read such a statement, my eyes glaze over and I find myself skipping ahead to the next profile.

Instead of saying that you love fun, why not talk about what you enjoy doing instead? After all, one’s opening line (or “lead,” in journalistic parlance) needs to catch the reader’s attention. A weak opening isn’t going to thrill anyone, even if the rest of one’s profile is pretty good.

IMO, writing a singles profile is kinda like writing a resume. In both situations, one is attempting to sell oneself, and to stand out from the crowd. Yet people often use trite, meaningless phrases such as “fun-loving” or “nice person” in their profiles. Phrases like these don’t really communicate anything; after all, who wouldn’t claim to be a ncie person? And who wouldn’t claim to enjoy having fun?

When I raised these points in another forum, some posters nodded in agreement. Several others responded with hellfire and fury, though. They exclaimed “Not everybody is a journalist, so shut up!” Boy, talk about venom.

I think that such reactions clearly miss the point. Sure, not everyone can write well, but that’s beside the point. Ultimately, a well-written profile will communicate more and stand out from the crowd, whereas one that’s filled with vague phrases or meaningless fluff won’t grab much attention. Quality matters, folks. A boring or carelessly written profile says something about the person, just as a well-written one does.

Others said, “Are you saing that we should treat women like job applicants? This isn’t an interview process, bozo!” IMO, this clearly misses the point as well. Sure, joining a singles site is not the same as a job interview; however, the two situations share some critical and common features. In both situations, one is attempting to sell oneself. One is attempting to stand out from the crowd. And in both situations, the quality of one’s writing matters. A lazily written profile is less likely to garner attention that one in which more time and effort was invested.

One person chimed, “Who cares about quality? You should be the one who strives to learn about the other person, instead of judging them based on the quality of what they wrote.” Again, I think that’s horribly naive. It’s like telling a job interviewer, “Who cares about the quality of my resume? You should make the effort to dig deeper and see my positive qualities!” (I realize that some would be offended by these repeated comparisons to a job interview process. As I said before though, I’m not suggesting that we should treat the opposite sex as job applicants. In my judgment though, the two situations are roughly analogous, and in critically important ways.)

Thoughts? Comments?

#2

I personally loathe fun.

#3

I do see your point. It’s a rather generic phrase.

However, I have a cousin who admits that he has what he calls “a low fun tolerance.” Some fun is okay, but too much means you should have stayed at work and gotten something done! I’m not making that up, and he’s very serious about it. (Imagine him being serious about something …)

So there actually are non-fun-loving people.

#4

Which, if it doesn’t say “fun-loving,” probably draws more attention from you. Thus the process of natural selection allows the single person to find a suitable mate.

#5

This was my reaction to the thread title. If you really want to stand out, lead with “…fun-hating…” It would act as an irony filter :smiley:

#6

I have frequently compared dating to going on a job interview for sex, only the interviewee pays for everything. So in that sense it’s very much like interviewing for one of those scams masquerading as job offers in the paper (Note: if a date is really like this, you need to call it an early night).

I have to point out, though that a lot of people are not nice, and know it, and it’s not necessarily a deal-killer.

#7

Oh, yes. My singles ad would start something like “Shy, quiet, introverted computer geek with low self-esteem, poor communication skills…”

#8

That just makes you extra- hot Twix.

#9

You promised you’d never bring up that weekend with the marsupials again… :mad:

#10

I’m fun-neutral. Beat that.

#11

I haven’t been involved in the dating scene since High School, but I would have thought an approach like that would actually be more effective than people would otherwise give it credit for…

#12

It certainly does! :slight_smile: If someone starts off with trite, generic phrases like “fun-loving” or “nice” or “appealing,” this tells me that the person lacks imagination. More often than not, I find myself skipping ahead to the next profile.

#13

Good point. However, virtually nobody would claim to be “not nice” in a singles profile, and so calling oneself a “nice person” doesn’t communicate anything of value.

#14

No but if a woman ever did, especially next a picture of her in a wide-brimmed hat in front of a set of Venetian blinds…

#15

Some people just like generic phrases. They are perfectly happy with “fun-loving” friends, “new and improved” laundry detergent, “progressive” political attitudes, “creative” hobby’s and “design” furniture. It gives them that warm glow of being just a little bit daring, all while being safe and snug within the range of completely normal.

Some folks like originality instead.

Isn’t it wonderful that generic phrases like " fun-loving" exist, so the two different groups can spot each other quickly and don’t have to waste time with each other?

#16

I don’t know about that, Maastricht. If that’s the case, then why don’t career counselors ever advise people to use vague, generic descriptions in their resumes? After all, if some people truly are drawn to generic, meaningless phrases, then surely this would work to their advantage.

Similarly, why don’t creative writing teachers ever counsel their students to “keep it vague”? Instead, students are advised to use language that is specific and suitably descriptive.

I understand that some people prefer to use vague language in describing themselves. I can’t imagine that many people would prefer to read this type of language, though. When it comes to looking for a mate, I think it would certainly help to be fairly specific, as that helps one determine if you truly have something in common.

#17

I see it as code for “extroverted party girl.” If that doesn’t interest you, then don’t answer the ad. I’ve never Internet-dated but I’d chuck an ad like that just like I would one with flashing text or Comic Sans. No use puzzling over every ad out there.

I too have a low fun tolerance.

#18

I love this concept, which implies that what one writes is not an indication of the kind of person he/she is, or that reading what someone has written is not a way of learning about him/her.

Regardless, if a guy can’t string together a couple of cogent sentences, I’m not going to be too interested in how fun-loving (or hating) he is.

#19

Any pouch in a storm you temptress.

#20

I actually started a thread waaaaay back when askign what guys meant when they said they wanted a “fun girl”. It’s such a generic phrase, I really couldn’t figure it out. I like having fun but I’m not a super outgoing party girl. So am I “fun”?

There’s the world’s worst profile on Nerve right now: “Fun guy seeks fun girl!!!” and the photo is some Dave Coulier-look alike (the “fun” uncle from Full House) doing a wacky pose in an obnoxious Hawaian shirt and funny hat. I can’t imagine a worse date. Run away.