OK, I’ve been checking out the personals (mostly Nerve which is the same database as Salon) and I see some interesting ads for guys that seem cool. But all guys say they want a woman who is “fun”.
What do guys mean by this? Someone who is extremely outgoing and the life of the party? Someone who constantly cracks jokes?
I mean, I like to have fun and go out sometimes but I’m also kinda shy, particularly around new people. I’m an engineer and I know it’s a stereotype but I tend to take things too literally sometimes. So I don’t know if I’d be considered FUN.
Anyway, I’d be really interested in hearing what the average guy means when he talks about a “fun” girl.
Well, when I say a woman is fun, I generally mean that she’s someone who makes even normal routine seem entertaining. Somebody who is really enjoyable to be around, and is normally very positive in her overall outlook.
In the context of a personal, I would venture to say that someone who is looking for a “fun” woman is looking for someone who tends to be on the extroverted side.
Let’s assume for the moment that “fun” is not a synonym for “puts out on the first date.”
Back in my dating days, oh, about a quarter century ago, when we said a girl was “fun” we meant someone whose company we enjoyed. That included the following areas:
Conversation - being able to hold up her end, or even hold up both ends if we ran out of things to talk about. A sense of humor helped.
Involvement in the evening - if we went out to play miniature golf, she by God played it, not just pushed the ball around.
Interest in the date - or at least being able to feign interest about who we were, what we liked and something other than where we were going and what kind of car we were going in. We also didn’t need to hear, at least not on the first date, about how she a) wants babies right now b) doesn’t ever want babies c) wants to establish her career before she has babies.
She’s talking about personal ads, I don’t think your assumption is realistic. Fun means enjoys screwing strangers. Likes long walks on the beach means I ain’t got a car. Looking for a lasting relationship mean I might make the effort to learn your last name before trying to get you drunk enough to sleep with me. It’s all in code, man.
I always thought ‘likes long walks on the beach’ was code for romantic.
By fun I’d probably mean agreeable, outgoing and interesting to talk to. It seems to me like a pretty subjective thing to ask for. It’s kind of an abstract in that it really depends on the person. One man’s fun girl might be another’s bore, or another’s total annoyance.
Really? It’s code? Man, I fell incredibly naive now. I mean, I get the ones where they talk about their oral skills or when they give themselves a nickname like “sexyTxn” or want a “real goer” but I didn’t think there was a more subtle code. Hmmmm, glad I asked
But, seriously, I know some of you guys have posted ads before. There’s two personal ad threads going on right this moment. Is that what it means? I can see how desiring a partner that is agreeable to suggested activities and enthusiastically participates can be considered fun. I guess I’ll need to read these ads more closely.
I would have said that if you laugh at stuff guys laugh at, and maybe like to watch sports, then you’d qualify as fun to the average guy. Then I read Elfkin477’s post, and now I don’t know what to think.
As almost everything, I think it depends on who’s saying it.
I suppose there may be a few twisted folk who write “fun” and assume everyone knows it means “loose”.
If I were to ask for a ‘fun’ girl, I’d want someone who could make normal situations fun. Someone who laughed a lot, and made me laugh with her.
Example:
Fun: “Well, I’ve had better ahi tuna, but it’s ok…hey, check out those two at that table over there…they must be on a blind date, and it looks like he’s striking out…let’s try to guess what they’re saying!”
Not Fun: “This ahi tuna is terrible. I think we should talk to the chef, and try to get our money back.”
But again, it really depends on the person asking for ‘fun’. To them, it may be someone who likes to go Bowling 3 nights a week.
Personally, I would use the word “fun” in this context to mean easygoing and upbeat. Someone who can find enjoyment in whatever we’re doing, who doesn’t get easily angered or upset by minor inconveniences or problems. With someone I’m dating, this would also include a relaxed, positive attitude toward sex. I wouldn’t expect them to put out on the first date, but I also wouldn’t expect them to make a huge deal out of waiting and waiting before doing it either.
When I say a girl is fun, I mean that she likes to run around and have fun. Someone who smiles and laughs a lot. Probably (though not necessarily) a more physical person (I don’t mean just sex here). The kind of person you’d take to a carnival or rock concert as opposed to the Museum of Antique Chess Pieces or something. Um . . . kind of like the girls on Friends. What “fun” means to most people who read or place personal ads, I can’t say.
Saying a girl is fun is much like saying a guy is nice. It can mean exactly what it sounds like, it can be a big clue that the person is lovely but ugly, or it can be one of those throw-in adjectives.
And let’s don’t kid ourselves. “You’re a nice guy, and I really want to be friends, but…” you women have probably said this more than once. And probably more than once the guy just was not all that attractive.
Sometimes that’s what we mean when we say a girl is fun. I have never, to my knowledge, done it. I know people who have. Or they say a girl is nice in such a way that you know they’d rather look at moldy styrofoam.
Or it can mean she’s energetic and paves her own way and thinks of things to do and goes out and does them.
It all depends on who’s saying it, and sometimes who it’s being said to.
“Looking for a girl who is fun” is code word. It’s code for “I don’t know what I’m looking for, and I don’t know how to describe it because I’ve got a terrible vocabulary, but I’ll know it when I see it.”
It’s like saying he “likes music and going to the movies.” He’s “got a sense of humor.” He “likes to talk.” But that’s not very specific, is it? Hell, he’s got “arms and legs,” but that doesn’t mean you’re going to like what he does with them.
If I were to stoop so low as to use the word “fun” in a personals ad, I’d say, “I want a girl who makes things fun when she’s around, who can find the fun in ordinary things.” Or something, y’know, descriptive. I think resorting to a word like “fun” without context shows a certain stifled imagination, or a willingness (or desperation) to test the chemistry personally.
Since we’re talking about the personal ads, I’d throw in that “fun” could be a man’s way of saying he’s had it with overly dramatic, intense relationships in which everything turns into a screaming, ashtray-throwing ordeal.
Disclaimer: If internet codes are involved I plead ignorance, since I’ve never read an internet personal.
The usual suspects have covered it pretty well in above posts. I’d simply add that a woman going into detail about her divorce or her crappy ex-SO on a first date is NOT fun.
If the relationship shows promise of developing into something important, there’ll be plenty of time to discuss life’s darker side later.
