DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish…49
Adventurous… Slept with everyone
Athletic… No boobs
Average looking… Ugly
Beautiful… Pathological liar
Contagious Smile… Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure… On medication
Feminist… Fat
Free spirit… Junkie
Friendship first… Former slut
Fun… Annoying
New-Age… Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned… No oral sex
Open-minded… Desperate
Outgoing… Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate… Sloppy drunk
Professional… Bitch
Voluptuous… Very Fat
Large frame… Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate… Stalker
WOMEN’S ENGLISH:
- Yes = No
- No = Yes
- Maybe = No
- We need = I want…
- I am sorry = you’ll be sorry
- We need to talk = You’re in trouble
- Sure, go ahead = You better not
- Do what you want = You will pay for this later
- I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
- You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN’S ENGLISH: - I am hungry = I am hungry
- I am sleepy = I am sleepy
- I am tired = I am tired
- Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
- I love you = Let’s have sex now
- I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
- May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you
- Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you
- Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you
- Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you
- I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay