Calvinball, anyone?

Someone dropped the name of this game in the Pit just now, and I was thinking of how we could adapt it to a forum board. It’s more verbal than physical anyway.

I’d guess it would go something like this:

DiFool: “I grab the flag, put on my Slippers of Evasion and make a quicksilver dash for the end zone!”

Autolycus: “Afraid not. You entered the Thicket of Impenetrable Vines and are now hopelessly stuck. I relieve you of the flag and, using my Helm of Opposition Obliviousness make for the other end zone!”

HockeyMonkey: “Oops-the helm backfires and makes YOU confused. You collapse in a heap and start counting the number of petals on a nearby dandelion. I take the flag and…”

So, would a game which has no rules actually work? Would we need a few basic ground rules anyway, just to prevent the game from hitting a dead end or something?

There can be no real ground rules outside of those imposed on us by outside. (The adults or in this case the SDMB rules)

In Calvinball you should show some restraint and cleverness is better than just making a power grab and oneupmanship but otherwise there should be no actual hard set rules, just some lose guidelines.
Now as this is Calvinball, while you are thinking about the rules, I sneak in and grab the flag and race for my goal. I of course invoke the rule*, that only a new poster can try to stop me.

  • Not a real rule of course but a temporary one until it gets changed later for a good enough reason.

Since Jim’s post included a spelling mistake (I know, fish in a barrel and all that), I get to rule his flag out of bounds and I get a free shot at the next wicket,

Calling posters by their real names is a clear violation of rule #432. Sorry Malacandra, you forfit your free shot.

Not a problem, I will take that flag for you.

I wrap myself in my cloak of uncatchability and head for the goal. Tripple points scored this time for stealing the flag due to rule violations.

Seeing as I knew what number you were thinking of NAF1138 (Nr. 8 BTW). I was able to snatch the flag amidst your confusion. Now I’m running towards the secret goal post , due west, that the great god Amaterasu told me about in a vision.

Two misspellings in your post. I got the flag, and double points awarded to me and deducted from you.

Besides, it’s Thursday, so you have to say “Pens are inky, girls are stinky, little stars go winky-dinky” before you can use your cloak.

I move into the lead.


Ha! gods give and gods take, so by reversing the polarity on your vision you actually run straight into the not so secret tree!

I’ll take that flag and while you care for your bump, I’m going for glory and gold, as promised in the episode of Chuck vs Calvinball.
ETA: Crap! I reversed the polarity too friggin late!

Hah! Amaterasu, god of trickery, told you that in order to lead you into my Net of Circular Logic. Confused and directionless, I easily relieve you of you flag and make a dash for the penalty wicket!

As you didn’t quote the person directly before you, your play fails, I get the flag and a 4 second head start towards the southern endzone.

Seeing as English is not my first language, all my misspellings created a temporal paradox that removed the previous 4 posts from history. I still got the flag and I’m still running due west.

It’s a good thing that all points scored in the southern endzone go directly toward my score then.

After scoring me 15 points I will take the flag and head to the Western endzone, i.e. the “real” endzone.

Today being Thursday and, as such, Transmogrifier Day, I Transmogrify myself into an elephant, grab the flag with my trunk, and thunder toward the endzone. As we all know, tigers are afraid of elephants, so don’t try to stop me.

:smiley: Calvinball! Great idea!

:: waves GO HOBBES flag from the sidelines ::

I don’t need to stop you, considering you just sauntered into a giant pool of quicksand. I snatch the flag from your flailing trunk and begin moonwalking towards the endzone, which as everyone knows gives me immunity to any attempt to take my flag.

But elephants are afraid of mice! So I throw a mouse in front of you and while you’re screaming and prancying, I grab the flag and head for the super-duper mega zone!

WormTheRed finds himself in the penalty box for posting his reply a minute too late.

But it doesn’t give you immunity from triping over that giant tree root, because you are going backward and not looking, and trowing the flag in the air as you fall. Which you do.

Fortunatly I am there to catch it. I say “Pens are inky, girls are stinky, little stars go winky-dinky” (because it is Thursday) and wrap myself, legally, in my cloak of uncatchability, and make for the endzone.

Whence Suzie stumbles into the foray and picks up a tiny piece of thread on the ground which happens to be attached to the loose hem on your cloak. Unraveling the entire garment as you break for the goal causes you to become noticeably catchable and derelict in your ball handling skills.

I slap the ball out of your hand, scoop it up on the first bounce and head in the opposite direction.

I wander past with Mr. Bun, give you all a good hard look, and go home to ask my mom if we can move.

No slimy girls allowed!