While attempting to delicately remove the flag from your sleeping person I awaken you from your dream, grab the flag, and continue unabated to the endzone and score several points.
No napping in Calvinball!!!
Note to self: avoid the Hallucinogenic Zone. Sure, there are plenty of points for the taking, but speaking for myself, I’m not sure if that’s how I want to get them.
Okay, let’s go. I’m going to use a baseball bat to hit the ball towards the Blue Flag Zone. Since I make it, I’m getting 427 Blue points, plus the 85-point Baseball bonus, and since it’s Monday, those points increase by one-third. Hooray!
Aha! Rule Eleventy-teen states that on the last Monday in December, all points are awarded to the next poster. I take the point lead!
Except, if it’s the first Monday before Christmas, which means the next poster gets double plus 9/8ths points.
I hereby invoke rule 87 which states:
On the 4th Monday of any month, anyone with a 4 letter name automatically wins.
Except you forgot that the four letter name must rhyme with “poop”.
You trip over your shoe laces, drop the flag, and I gather it up and head towards home plate.
You forfeit - 1 zillion points for not responding to the most recent post (mine), even if it was posted a kabillionth of a second before yours. 
“Goop.” [Which is the name of a heavy duty hand soap, I’ll let you know.]
US steps on what he thinks is home plate, but it is instead a land mine which blows him sky-high. I grab the falling flag (which turns into a minature plastic model of a sperm whale at its apex), make various whale noises, and thus get 999,999 smackeroos, which are the only things which count towards your score now.
You think that, do you!
Ha! Good think I’ve got my harpoon handy, hitting the whale while diving and grabbing the flag (which now looks like a cute little puppy)
So holding the puppy in my hands, I do a scrimmage for the end zone!
I lead the Official Calvinball All Bassoon/Cello/Didgeridoo & Nose Flute Marching Band back across the turf.
We are playing the “Swing Low, Sweet Cadillac”.
Damn the mutinous lubbers that don’t applaud, arrr.
Oh, great. The mandatory Marching Band break, when we all have to freeze in place and applaud the Marching Band, unless we are willing to risk losing 42.739 Green Flag Points.
I don’t have the ball or the flag, Green Flag points are precious, and mine are low, so I’m applauding.
I realize too late that “Swing Low, Sweet Cadillac” is the song that makes the Drum Major an eligible player. I dive for his ankles as he scoops up the CalvinBall and heads for…
…jali. A lot of stuff happens then…she wins! Yay!
But, since you haven’t been online in 6 months, you forfeit your trophy (and the flag). I hereby toss the flag up into the air for grabs…
Ah, I grab the flag with my patented Peppergundam Anti-Zombie tongs and run widdershins to the side porch.
…where your shadow is snagged on the Delay-of-game Holly Bush. You are stuck there until your mom comes to pick the holly for Xmas wreaths. The flag hangs suspended in mid-air.
With deft legerdemain, I grab the flag, whip it around rapidly in the air 3 times-and produce 3 identical flags! Can anybody guess which one is the real one, as I scamper off?
Who cares? I send out a fleet of Pepperdrones (candy cane-striped, for the holidays) to remotely grab all of them while I hurry up Mom, who’s taking her sweet time picking the holly, let me tell you.
OH, NO! it’s Rosalyn, the babysitter! All play ceases until all gurlz have left the vicinity. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
I summon the snow goons to remove the offending females, and play resumes.
I deliberately misread that as “play resumés” and disqualify you because we’re playing Calvinball, not resumés, and anyway “play resumés” doesn’t make any sense. I now lead by exactly .99999… points.