In talking to a friend of mine about a problem he’s having with his girlfriend, I got to thinking about whether that relationship was going to make it long term. She’s a touchy feely person, likes hugs and public displays of affection, and flirts a lot. She’s a lot of fun to be around and really social. He’s much more reserved and generally feels uncomfortable kissing in public (holding hands is OK but he feels weird kissing her around other people). She’s made the comment to him that she doesn’t think he cares because he doesn’t do some of the same things she does. I’m of the opinion that she’s going to break up with him sooner or later cause he’s not “meeting her needs” which got me thinking about whether a relationship between the 2 types would ever work.
I would ask-is it about being physically affectionate in public?
Does he like to cuddle in private?
I think it can work, but only if the relationship is otherwise really strong. It seems sort of silly to date someone touchy-feely when you’re not (or vice versa) – why date someone who considers that aspect of your personality a liability, when there are so many out there who would consider it a benefit?
I’m not sure what they like to do in private but I get the impression he’s just one of these people that doesn’t show affection easily. Even around me (a good friend), I can tell he gets embarrased when she kisses him. I think it’s just the way he is.
Well, from my experience, it probably won’t last. My ex- was not very affectionate. I missed that tremendously. Yes, I knew this before we married, however, you know how it is when you are in love. We made it 5 years, and are really close friends, I haven’t totally ruled out the possibility of it ever working, but it didn’t for us so far. I am an “attention” whore, and need loads of it, but I give alot in return. It could work, but they should both be warned and realize that it could possibly be this way for the rest of their lives. You can’t change people. I know my ex-husband loved me and still does, he just didn’t (couldn’t) show me in a way that I understood (by affection).
As a touchy-feely who dates a non-TF, it can work … they just need to learn eachother’s boundaries. Over time, they get used to it . Err, at least Bubba did.
I just got off the phone with a friend of mine, who was raised in a non-touching family. Her husband is from a family which hug hello, good-bye, and everything in between. It took a bit of adjustment, but she’s become a convert to touchy-feely. I was also raised in a family which didn’t hug, but then I fell in with people who do, and I’ve come to really like it. I’m still not entirely sure about kissing in public, but I’ll let you know if I change my mind next time I get into a serious relationship.
It takes time and trust for us non-touchy types to get used to the idea. While I can’t speak for thewiz’s friend, I know I used to think I’d look silly. It can’t be forced, but it can be done, if the relationship is on a firm foundation.
Good luck to your friend,
CJ
Nope. I’m touchy-feely, the Wifestrocity is not. 17 untouchable years later, I’m still touchy feely. But not to her. So, In my educated and humble opinion, it sure as heck doesn’t work. 
Cartooniverse
If she becomes a little less TF and he becomes a bit more TF, it could work. Worked for us!
Sounds like two very different personalities, and even though the old saying goes “opposites attract,” there isn’t one saying “opposites attract and often live happily ever after.”
My hubby’s a touchy-feely person. I’m not. Sometimes it hurts his feelings when I spurn his hugs and kisses so I make sure to accept hugs and kisses (as much as I can, that is) and be thankful that I’m married to someone who cares enough to offer unsolicited hugs and kisses.
You know, it depends a lot on whether or not both people understand the other’s personality and/or how they express love. I mean, I was in a very good long-term relationship where I (VERY touchy feely) felt loved and cared for and cherished because I understood that when my honey changed the oil in my car, picked me up and took me to work when it snowed because he was worried someone might run into me (NOT that he didn’t think I could drive in the stuff), ran interference for me in situations where others might try to take advantage of me because I am a woman (NOT because he didn’t think I was capable of handling it, but because it would be easier for HIM to do it than it would be for me), told me to buy “rounds” of wood instead of already split wood (I was heating with a wood stove at the time) and HE would split them for me because is was cheaper and things like that…I understood that he was expressing his love for me the best way he could. He wasn’t publically affectionate in general, but he was expressing his love in his own way. I appreciated that. And he understood and appreciated the way I showed my love for him, even though it wasn’t HIS way.
I expect if it had creeped him out to have me touch him (appropriately) in public, it would have been a problem…but he wasn’t creeped out, he just didn’t feel comfortable getting all touchy feely himSELF. So it all worked out nicely. In fact, if I had had any brains, which I DIDN’T at the time, I would have married him. In retrospect, I should have.
And another thing was, when he DID put his arm around me in public, take my hand or even touch my back, things like that…even briefly…it meant even more to me than if he had BEEN more of a touchy feely guy.
I just think if everyone is clear on what is going on and why, it should work just fine.
And I, too, have had friends who used to get stiff like a board when I hugged them get to the point where they actually genuinely hug me back…and look like they like it.
“shrug” everyone is different. So long as you accept and understand, it is the differences that make things interesting.