Q: How many Vulcans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000
One. Any more would be illogical.
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many can you afford?
How many black guys does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, you fucking racist
How many Diogenes the Cynics does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. He holds the bulb and the world revolves around him. 
How many new age poets does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish swim at the edge of my consciousness.
How many Army Rangers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change the light bulb and two to stand around and talk about how tough it was back when they had to do it.
Note: Pretty much any military subgroup can be substituted.
How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Wanna go for a bike ride?
Now one of my coworkers says he’s going to use it in an Edinburgh show! Good find.
How many Irish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. “You just go down the pub and I’ll sit here in the dark”
How many Shodans does it take to regard a lightbulb?
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
[spoiler]One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE RUBBISH!!
IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF RUBBISH THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS…
I’m sorry… what did you ask me?[/spoiler]
Note: Old classic, but this specific text has been stolen from http://www.jokefile.co.uk/numerical_order/1192.html
This is a joke thread, not an opportunity to insult other members. Do not substitute in SDMB usernames.
Thanks,
twickster, MPSIMS moderator
How many SDMB moderators does it take to shut down a thread?
One, but the issue will be reopened in ATMB.
This one made me laugh. ::twitch::
How many Conservatives does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ten…
- One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed
- One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs
to be changed - One to blame the Democrats for overusing the light bulb
- One to tell the nations of the world that they are either “for”
changing the light bulb or “for” darkness - One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the
new light bulb - One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing
on a step ladder under the banner: “Light Bulb Change Accomplished” - One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting
in detail how the Administration was completely in the dark - One to viciously smear #7
- One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how the Republican Platform has been strong on light-bulb-changing policy all along
- One to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing in
a light bulb and screwing up the country.
Mine was certainly not intended as an insult — I have no “history” with Shodan and have no reason or motivation to insult him. My sincere apologies if it appeared that way. My “target”, if anything, was the whinging about his signature that pops up from time to time, but I can see how that might not have been obvious.
Again, I apologize.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Three to paint the giraffe, and eight to fill the bathtub with brightly-coloured machine tools.
How many minimalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
How many running-dog plutocrats of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
Since I’m a bass player…
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to hold the bulb in the socket and three to drink until the room spins.
A: None. The piano player can do it with her left hand.
FWIW, it didn’t come across as insulting, at least to me.
Regards,
LightBulb
How many priests does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Priests can’t screw.