Well, CalifBoomer, I have to side with the Nurture side on this. In fact, I am living proof of that theory, undergoing a dramatic transformation in the past several weeks. I have finally learned and more importantly accepted who and what I am. By the constant nurturing by several friends, I can now say, and couldn’t even really consider the possibility before, that I am a worthwhile, loving, caring, giving person who deserves happiness.
If I went by Nature, I would still be a mass of depressed insecurity who knew she wasn’t worth much at all to anyone. I am not who I was a month ago, thanks to these dear friends showing me what they truly think of me, and me accepting that definition of who I am.
Nurture. Works for me.
You are more than a human being, you are a human becoming.
Og Mandino
That’s my name, not a description. I am neither purple nor a bear. Okay, so I’m purple.<a true Wally original!>
I don’t mean to presume to know a thing about you, PurpleBear, but this:
sounds to me as though you were not nurtured enough in your more formative years. I am happy that you have a strong circle of support, and that you have been able to grow and accept yourself. (And that it’s never too late to have a happy childhood…)
I definitely agree with you that Nurture is the key.
And to the OP: Yes, happiness can be learned, but not alone.
You bet it can. But first it takes friends to teach it to you…
Life is like a river, changing as it flows…
Interesting. But it does not address the fact that medicating a depressed patient may keep them from doing harm to themselves or to others, which in turn makes it a valid medical problem, not a psychological one.
The whole basis of psychoanalysis is that mental distress is evidence of a greater underlying problem. Because Billy is skittish in school doesn’t nessisarily mean he has ADD, it could mean he’s being abused at home, where we normally relax, and therefore is incapible of relaxing. Will drugging him out of his gourd accomplish anything? Nope. And that’s where I see the problem is with mood altering medication. It CAN be the bridge someone needs to give them stregth enought to face the real problems in their lives, but it can just as easily be a band-aid.
I think it can be learned, based on my own experiences. I have lupus and one of the triggers of a flair is stress. When I first got sick, I had to de-stress, relax, enjoy life more, and just get a better attitude. I did, because the alternative was not acceptable to me. I think that the forced total calming of myself led to happiness. I’m just not as worried about stuff as a lot of people. It gives me more time to enjoy the fun aspects of my life.
One example was our wedding. The celebrant was late. It rained all day. During the reception (held outside under a tent) a hurricane hit. Instead of letting this stress me, I consciously decided to enjoy myself…and I did! It was a great party! I wore the best man’s raincoat over my dress and joined in when the guests started singing the theme song from Titanic. I think we all have choices when faced with obstacles in our lives…we can worry and fret, or we can laugh and do our best to get past them. I think the happy people are the ones who make the conscious choice to laugh and move on.
I want to add, though, that for people who are depressed due to a chemical imbalance or who are unhappy because of traumatic circumstances, what I said probably doesn’t apply. I’m just talking about general happiness vs. unhappiness, not real depression.
Chrome Toaster, yes, you are right about that. One of the most important things I’ve learned though is that while I have no control over my mom’s attitude, neither do I have to accept it as the only truth for my life. Her truth was not my truth. Without this circle of support, I would not be half the person I am becoming.
Happiness can be learned, but definitely not alone. Thank you for your comments.
You are more than a human being, you are a human becoming.
Og Mandino
That’s my name, not a description. I am neither purple nor a bear. Okay, so I’m purple.<a true Wally original!>
R. Solomon’s book “The Passions” argues (convincingly, I think) that most emotions are the result of decisions. The initiating event may cause a brief sensation, but our evaluation of such things as status, direction, worldview, appropriateness, helpfulness, etc. mean that we can often choose how we feel. This assumes that there isn’t a chemical imbalance.
So, I would say that it need not even be learned. I decide, most of the time, to be happy. And so I am.
Bucky
The learned are not always happy. Yet, the happy are always learned.
I recommend The Art of Happiness as an answer to the OP.
I agree with the above but also believe that you have to really want to be happy. If the desire isnt there, it will never happen.
Give your children these two things: One is roots, the other, wings - Wally Wally He’s our Man
Very succint, and I support that. You must be happy between the ears first, or you will never be happy anywhere.
VB
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.
Happiness is all in the attitude, but I strongly believe that if you are not taught, encouraged, or somehow shown how to be happy as a child, it will be very difficult to figure out how to be happy on your own as an adult.
I went through that. I am fairly happy at this point in my life, but I have been through hell and back twice to figure out how to just BE. If a child is only shown examples of misery, and lives a sad little life because no one is nurturing his or her spirit… that is hard to overcome.
Far far better than happiness for me is peacefulness…Oh, does that ever feel nice.
Happiness can definitely be learned. I’ve no doubts about that.
Research supports the premise. Psychological theory agrees. And experience has shown me.
Happiness is a choice. Attitude is a choice. Behavior is a choice. Given the right tools and understanding, we can all learn to choose our state of mind.
This concept is certainly not new. Anybody who wants to read an incredible study of learned happiness might pick up a copy of Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search For Meaning” at the local library.