Or, she might be perfectly happy about being a slob.
But yeah, this is not just “she doesn’t wash her hair very often”, and it seems unlikely you can convince her to change.
You are right. I am only going by the OP’s words and my opinion of a hoarder is influenced by what I have seen IRL. I’ve known serious slobs (one of my sisters bragged about cleaning with her feet…just kick everything under the furniture and buy more plates at the thrift store) and I have known serious hoarders.
IMHO, there is a huge difference between the two and the OP mentioning that they haven’t seen the inside of the house in decades is a big warning sign. IMO.
Again, I have no psych training, I am just going by things I have learned over the years and everything I said is just IMO.
She won’t like it but you could ask the Department of Public Health to do a wellness check on her. I don’t know if you can request it anonymously.
She knows that some of us (friends) are aware of the house’s condition. She has said that she hates being in the house because it is such a mess, but does not want to part with anything. About 15 years ago, she said, “I wish you would believe me when I say I’m going to clean up the house, because I’m really going to do it–I really am!”
Um, nope.
Her car is another disaster. She eats and drinks in there a lot, so it is unpleasant. She has her mail on the back seat along with her laundry, plus a ton of other things.
I am going to go with Bear_Nemo on this and mention the smelly scalp gently the next time I catch a whiff. I won’t bother bringing up the past.
Anecdote: When my friend’s daughter was in HS, she was called into the office because the social worker saw her car, and judging by the amount of junk she had in it, was concerned that this was where she was living. THAT prompted her to clean it up.
Anyway, I second that a report to Adult Protective Services might be warranted.
What’s the goal of calling adult protective services?
There are special oils and dry shampoos for those with dreadlocks and braids. I learned about this from my friend after she had braids done.
As for the time to shampoo and dry long hair. In the '70’s, I grew my hair down to the middle of my back (I’m a guy) I have fairly thick hair and it took an extra bath towel and a long time for it to dry from scalp to tip.
Shampoo cost could also be a factor. I’d go through bottles of shampoo and conditioner. And not all shampoos did a good job. Either not leaving my hair feeling clean or too try. Regular soap wasn’t enoug
Maybe buy your friend some inexpensive shampoos and suggest she try it. Being inexpensive may help.
I would recommend the dry shampoo for sure–thanks.
Cost is not an issue, though. She’s loaded…though she likes to act like a pauper.
To see that she gets the help she so clearly needs, whether medical (mental and physical) or to set her home back to a functional condition.
I have a neighbor going through that right now. She’s a pack rat in her 70s and there is no way that a stretcher could fit through her door. They sent people over to organize (not throw out) all her stuff, sorting it, putting it in boxes, etc. We knew she didn’t have hot water. Now the county is replacing her water heater and setting up a donated washing machine (hers had broken before the water heater gave up the ghost). Oh yah. And cockroaches. She lives across the hall from me. It’s amazing I haven’t seen any in my unit. Fingers crossed that none travel with me as I move out this week.
I know a lot of times on the Hoarders shows that people living in those conditions will have plumbing or HVAC issues and won’t let someone come to the house to fix them because they either don’t want an outside person to see their mess, or the job is always refused because the problem can’t physically be reached.
Penny might be at this stage now. Perhaps she washes her clothes occasionally at the laundromat, and gets a shower every so often outside of the home (at a gym or someone else’s house) but day-to-day she has no access to water.
I agree that dry shampoo can be a good solution for her. Heck, it’s not just hoarders and bedbound people who use dry shampoos. You could try one yourself and rave about it to her, as something you use when you just don’t want to deal with the rigamarole of washing your hair in the shower but want to keep your hair and scalp clean.
I almost completely ditched shampoo about 3 years ago - I just run my hands through my hair a few times under the warm water every time I take a shower (which is nearly every day). I share a bed with my wife so I’m pretty sure if this caused any odour issues, she would have mentioned it (she certainly does for other things!). However, if we were both immune to it, yes I’d want to know. Also, I’m a guy with short hair (tend to grow it to no more than about 2 inches between cuts). As it gets longer I do notice it starts to get a slightly greasy look, and so I give it an occasional thorough wash with shampoo when this happens. Works great for me, others may vary of course. I wish the OP luck.
Ok, but why? I really don’t get the ‘no-poo’ thing. Is the idea that shampoo ruins your hair? Is it just too much trouble? You have relatively short hair, long hair can pick up a lot of stuff if it’s out and exposed. I’ve mostly had long hair kept tied up, it stayed pretty clean, but I washed it frequently to clean my scalp more than the hair because I have weird skin.
Some people say that shampoo strips the natural oils out of your hair which isn’t good for it, but I don’t really care about that - for me it simply saves small amounts of time, money, water, and plastic use. And I haven’t found any negatives. If I had longer hair, I don’t think it would work so well for me.
That makes sense, especially the “plastic use” part. I applaud you for finding a way to reduce plastic consumption.
Unfortunately I am the original grease ball - I tried not washing my hair everyday, having read that eventually the scalp adjusts. However, I went 3-4 days in between shampooing for a full year. The result after 12 painful months? 2-3 days of disgustingly greasy bangs in between washes. Some of us are just greasy people, and evermore shall be. (FTR, I’m closing in on 65, so this is not an adolescent problem that I can hope will subside with age. Nope. I am gonna die a greasy person.)
But if you Google “shampoo no plastic” you can find shampoo that comes in bars, thereby meeting your shampoo needs without lots of plastic. I recommend it for people like me who can’t find a way around frequent shampooings.
I’ve also read that it can actually increase oil production in the scalp, to make up for the oils that are, well, washed away.
I’ve got long hair, and I only wash it once or twice a week. I don’t think I’d want to go longer than that; the hair near the scalp starts feeling wrong if I go a full week. When I was younger, 2 days was too long - I could have put OPEC out of business single-handedly. This is one benefit of aging!
I saw a video once talking about how women kept their hair “clean” back in the Middle Ages etc. - this was while back, but I vaguely recall that it was a combination of keeping it “up”, and keeping it covered. Plus thorough brushing would help redistribute the oils. Still not exactly “shampoo commercial” clean, but the best they could do.
I wash my hair (and everything else) with Irish Spring bar soap at least once a day. Works for me.
you have short hair.
Yup. My hair needed very different kinds of care at different points in my life. When I was a kid and had short boyish haircuts, I just used whatever cheap shampoo mom bought and I washed every day. In high school I wanted long hair (gee whiz, wonder why?) and the same kind of care (or lack thereof) resulted in a poofy frizzy mess. When I got older I used to shave my head, and I didn’t need to worry about hair care at all.
When I started presenting fem and grew my hair out, I again encountered the frizzy-mess-problem. As it turns out, I have fairly curly hair! Nobody ever taught me how to care for it because I was supposed to be a boy, and unconcerned with such things! Now I wash it with two or three times a week with curl-specific shampoos and conditioners, and I adore my hair.
All of this is to say that not everyone learns the hair care methods that they need for healthy hair and scalp, and not always just because of gender stuff either. My mom has the same kind of hair as me, and she didn’t learn to care for it until I taught her myself!
I do today, yes. But I used bar soap when I’ve been bald and when I had a ponytail down to my belt-line (though my hair has always been fine).
I bet you smell great!