My former housemate was much the same way. Though he loved hockey, he wasn’t a loud, pennant waiving, sports bar type. He’d prefer to take his car to the garage than mess with it himself. He didn’t like to kill things. He did like to bake cookies, had a penchant for origami, and can dance like no straight man can.
He is straight and despite the fact that in many ways he could fit some queer stereotypes, never once did he set off my gaydar, nor my girlfriend’s and very rarely anyone else’s.
My ex and I evidently have the QueerCloak[sup]TM[/sup] feature in our built-in gaydars. No one pegs us as “queer.” Great for covert operations in uber-straight venues. On the downside, I was treated like crap in a girl-bar by all the women who assumed I was a “straight chick cruising for an experiment.” (Man, they were catty!) And some of my current girlfriend’s friends have expressed their concern to her that I’ll end up leaving her for a man.
But once they see how well I handle power tools, I’m sure it’ll put their worries to rest.
I’ve got the double whammy of having no gaydar whatsoever and being invisible to other people’s gaydar. If it wasn’t for the internet, I’d never have found anybody, ever.
Some people are obvious. The way they talk, for example (why do so many gay men talk in that camp way???). But most it’s hard to judge. I personally do not know any people who are openly gay. But I have my suspicions.
My brother just walked in here, glanced at the screen, and said: “Honestly…” I don’t know what that means, but as to the OP, I can’t tell if people are gay. I guess I’m too dense, and people have to tell me.
The two gay guys I knew a long time ago during high school were really nice and friendly, so I have nothing personal against gays.
That’s still a mystery to me, too. I don’t have a “superfag” voice (although I can put one on if I want to joke around) but there is a definite “gay lilt,” if you were, to my voice. Not a lisssp or anything, really, but people can tell by the way I talk and my inflection that I’m gay. My voice is actually kind of low (and I’ve been told by some it’s sexy ;)).
What puzzles me is that my voice has been like this even before I had any contact with anyone gay.
And, to “perpetuate other stereotypes,” I can dance, I like disco, I’m a fabulous cook (see, I just used the word “fabulous”), I’m artistic, I like “gay” things, etc. ad nauseum. I’m not a flaming queen (and I have nothing against flaming queens, or leather men, or anything like that, because I embrace the entire community and its diversity) but people can still tell I’m gay.
Anyway, it doesn’t bother me. Who cares if they can tell I’m gay? I am. And I’m out. In my OP I was just wondering out loud if str8 guys (and women) can tell just by looking at me, i.e. without my opening my mouth or doing anything overt.
It took me a long time to parse the word “brithomo” from Potter’s post.
“Brith-a-mo? What the hell is a brith-a-mo?” Sometimes I’m not so quick,
On topic, I have gaydar but I don’t believe in it enough to act on it. There was a guy at my high school, we’ll call him Bobby (because that was his name) He was the gayest person in the world. He could not have been more gay if he was wearing hot pants, pink lipstick and waving a big old banner that said “I’m here, I’m queer, get used to it.” He even had a gay facial expression, and don’t ask me how that worked.
But I wasn’t sure. I never heard him actually say, “I’m gay” or “my boyfriend” or “penises are so cool!” or whatever. Just mannerism and voice (but really flagrant ones).
My girlfriend went to the Spectrum (gay-straight alliance club) in high schoo, so the other day I thought of Bobby and asked her if he was gay. She didn’t actually call me a dumbass, but I think I can guess.
Yeah, I know you are gay scott, cause of your two boyfriends you talked about in another subject.
In person I look at the jaw muscles on a guy–gay guys usually have very nice jaw muscles even
when they are 50+ I won’t say why that is but Im a very visual person so thats what I look for.
I can’t see yours Scott…
I bet. I was wondering if that message would post as it went into a cycle & after 5 minutes, I still
did not get a confirmation notice that it posted so I cancelled it.
In March, I was taking at class from the aquarium & we have a new Jelly exhibit & it was pretty
dim in there & there was a woman about 30 feet from me giving a lecture on them. I could
barely see her but I told my friend that she looks gay & sure enough she was.
On the occasions I’ve thought a guy might be gay and I’ve later found out whether he is or not, I’ve been right most of the time. Not always (thank god I keep my thoughts to myself). But often enough to satisfy myself that I’ve got a reasonably accurate gaydar.
Conversely, I’m occasionally asked gently by (invariably straight) people who think they know me whether I am gay. I can see why - there’s some opera in the CD collection, exotic ingredients in the kitchen, loads of art books (even Jeff Koons) on the shelves, never married, I look youthful (and like a little girl while asleep, according to an ex-girlfriend, who interestingly found that a turn-on). And I don’t introduce girls to acquaintances unless it’s vaguely serious (ie virtually never). So appearances can deceive. But I’ve never been mistaken for being gay by a gay. Hate clothes and disco - maybe that’s what does it.
Up until earlier this year, my gaydar was all but nonexistent. After a situation where I was convinced a guy was gay and later found out I was right, I gained a little confidence. A few days later I took a trip to Las Vegas and it “clicked” there. Now I’m pretty consistently accurate. (Thank God - it’s about frickin’ time!)
My long-time friends had me figured out as being gay before I did, but I can kind of turn it on and off around new people, depending on whether or not they blip on the radar. The most common response I got when coming out was “Well, no crap. What took you so long?”
For some reason, I have a huge gap in my gaydar - Europeans. I was absolutely convinced that a guy at school was gay, until seeing him with his girlfriend. Later on I found that he’d grown up in Paris. I think it has something to do with American guys feeling a need for excessive machismo.
