- The dots are white. White bathing suits get dirty too fast.
- The stock market trading floor is actually just a way to produce confetti for the pary afterward.
- We hear about the Paltry Apes all the time, but under the title Politicians.
- Toasting bread is not the main problem causing the energy crisis - it’s baking the bread in the first place. If we would settle for raw eating cookie dough, so much energy would be saved there would be no oil crisis.
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When you toast bread, it becomes crunchy, thus requiring more energy to chew it up, so it burns more calories. Toast: the best. diet food. ever.
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Absolutely! In fact, studies have been done comparing sleepers who were dreaming that they were sleeping with sleepers who were dreaming that they were running marathons. The sleepers who dreamed about sleeping were fat slobs, whereas the sleepers who dreamed about running marathons were lean and healthy. Of course, the sleepers who dreamed about sleeping and were fat slobs spent their days wishing they were sleeping. The sleepers who dreamed about running marathons spent their days, um, well, you know, running marathons.
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An empty skull could cause this “air swishing” phenomenon you speak of. If you regularly hear air swishing through your head, you are technically dead, because you can’t live without a brain. Yes, I know that millions of people without brains manage to live, but it’s not a GOOD life!
- is frankly obvious… tracking software (tracking reflexes) in the brain. Nerves controlling eyeball movement are linked so that they focus together convergently on something.
Bringing the focus of the eyes together towards the nose is easy, just focus on (or imagine focusing on) something very close to your nose. Moving the focus of each eye off to the opposide sides means that there’s no one place or thing that they can both be looking at, and our brains aren’t really built for that.
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which is yellow—the bikini or the polka dots?
The more important question is which part is itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny. That would of course be the stuff inside the bikini. -
Going further, if one ate enough gaseous food, would they ultimately float off into space?
Not so much “float” as be jet-propelled. -
When the stock market closes at the end of the day, why does everyone stand around smiling and clapping regardless of whether the stocks are up or down?
What is a lobotomy, Alex? -
When you drive by a dead skunk in the road, why does it take about 10 seconds before you smell it?
This is due to Einstein’s Theory of General Nasal Relativity. -
I’m always reading about the “Great Apes.” What’s so great about them? How come we never hear about any “Paltry Apes”?
They’re all kind of Paltry, actually. The “Great Apes” just happen to be the ones who wrote the history books. -
What would be the odds of a man’s trousers falling down while wearing only a belt?
This cannot be accurately determined with just the information given. We need to know the values of other variables. For instance, what is the current distance between the man and Heidi Klum? -
What benefit is there to toasting bread instead of just eating it untoasted?
It gives more energy to the eater than regular bread. This is because toasting turns bread particles into their heavier isotopes, naturally known as toastium particles. When these are combined with grape jelly particles, toast fusion is achieved and extra energy is created and imparted to the human body. -
Why is it that humans can move their eyes in opposite directions toward the nose, but not away from the nose?
This is due to ElectroNasalMagnetic Forces. See question #4. -
Say I freeze meat in January. The package has an expiration date of February. When I thaw it in June, why doesn’t it remember immediately that it should have gone bad four months ago?
The process of freezing causes the BIOS settings of the meat to reset. The memory of the expiration date is lost. -
When you’re asleep and dreaming about performing calorie-burning activities such as running, jumping and flying, do you burn more calories in reality as opposed to when you’re dreaming about doing something low-impact?
I dream about getting laid. Og knows how many bastard children I must have running around by now after this much REM activity. -
What causes the sound of air swishing inside your head?
Technically, I believe this only applies to your head. -
Mulberry bush aside, would a monkey really chase a weasel?
A monkey will chase anything if it hasn’t gotten any in a while.
- Stock market:
a) if the market went up that day, people are clapping because they are happy.
b) if the market went down that day, people are clapping because they are relieved that the day if over.
c) if the market was relatively steady then they’re just being polite.
Regarding the stock market question - don’t you all applaud at the end of your working day? I can’t possibly be the only one…
Can’t clap at the end of the day… I might spill my drink.
For the stock market question,
My guess is the people on the floor are “traders” they don’t care if the stock goes up or down, they make money on each trade.
2) Considering that warm air rises, if a man builds up gas and the ambient temperature is less than his body temperature, does he weigh less than when he does not have gas? If he ate a pound of beans, would he weigh more or less? Going further, if one ate enough gaseous food, would they ultimately float off into space?
Don’t know if you’d weigh more or less, but the room will certainly be lighter since everyone else in the room will scamper out because of your emissions!
Cecil has answered #2, but I’m unable to find the article; perhaps a Doper with better search-fu will have better luck?
. . . the odds of a man’s trousers falling down if he was wearing both a belt and suspenders was about 35,000 to one. . .
I don’t believe that number. It must be much higher. I live in a city of about 250,000 and most of the men here either wear belts or just wear pants. The odds of dropping pants would be better if only wearing belts and better still for just the pants. Yet if you go downtown and people watch, you’ll wait a long time before you see pants drop. In fact I’ve never seen it. I think that number is totally bogus.
According to Fred Bronson’s The Billboard Book of Number One Hits, “Paula Vance, two-year-old daughter of songwriter Paul Vance, was cavorting on the beach in her yellow polka dot bikini and inspired her father to write a song about her antics”.
A serious answer to no. 5: All About Apes says:
(And most taxonomists would include Hominidae (the family we belong to) among the great apes).
7) What benefit is there to toasting bread instead of just eating it untoasted?
The real anawer to this is that heating the sugars in the bread causes Maillard reactions, which produce hundreds of flavor compounds not found in your ordinary slice of bread. Not to mention the textural change which is also a very important prt of palatability.
I mean, can you imagine eating a BLT on untoasted bread? YUCK!
#2: I’ve seen some real gas bags in Congress. If it had the expected effect, how come Tom DeLay (or fill in another name of your choice here) isn’t tethered to his chair?
You are indeed in rare form. LOL!
I believe they have celebrities, dignitaries and other such honorees come in the hammer the gavel marking the opening and closeing of the Stock Exchange. Martha Stewart, Steve Jobs, some kid who fell down a well, people like that. So no matter what happens on any given day people give these guys applause.
1) In the song “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini,” which is yellow—the bikini or the polka dots?
White dots on yellow, because yellow polka dots on white wouldn’t stand out, especially in bright sunlight.
**2) Considering that warm air rises, if a man builds up gas and the ambient temperature is less than his body temperature, does he weigh less than when he does not have gas? If he ate a pound of beans, would he weigh more or less? Going further, if one ate enough gaseous food, would they ultimately float off into space?
There’s a limit to how much his body could contain. We kind of did this already with the gallon of milk challenge.
3) When the stock market closes at the end of the day, why does everyone stand around smiling and clapping regardless of whether the stocks are up or down?
They’re applauding themselves and each other, for their performances that day.
4) When you drive by a dead skunk in the road, why does it take about 10 seconds before you smell it? Assume that you did not actually drive over the skunk.
Who says you don’t smell it until after the fact? I’ve smelled skunks coming and going.
5) I’m always reading about the “Great Apes.” What’s so great about them? How come we never hear about any “Paltry Apes”?
Duh—you don’t hear about stuff that’s unremarkable. That’s like asking why we don’t get news stories about planes that don’t crash.
6 ) I read about an actuary who calculated that the odds of a man’s trousers falling down if he was wearing both a belt and suspenders was about 35,000 to one. What would be the odds of a man’s trousers falling down while wearing only a belt? What about only suspenders?
I can’t do odds, sorry.
7) What benefit is there to toasting bread instead of just eating it untoasted? If there is no benefit, how much electric energy is wasted on toasting in the U.S. of A., do you think?
Warm toast absorbs the butter or margarine.
8) Why is it that humans can move their eyes in opposite directions toward the nose, but not away from the nose?
Some people can. It’s called walleyes.
9) Say I freeze meat in January. The package has an expiration date of February. When I thaw it in June, why doesn’t it remember immediately that it should have gone bad four months ago?
Freezing arrested the process of spoilage. That’s why you froze it.
White? Where is everyone getting white from? So what if polka dots are normally white? In my mental image, the novelty song has always, and will always refer to a black bikini with yellow polka-dots.
We have got to get Cecil in here…