Can you beat my dumbassness?...Not (Girlfriend gone wild)

Can you call the bank where you kept your money to see if it is there, and if it’s not when it was withdrawn?

But, Nigeria is like, 50,000 miles from India… :slight_smile:

I don’t want to insult you either. But “Badmash” in Hindi means “Scoundrel”. I can’t help but wonder why you picked that. It could certainly be playful, after all, parents call their children badmash affectionately sometimes.

Be that as it may, I think you may be SOL. Just because a girl (or a boy) is nice at one point doesn’t mean they will *remain *nice. It’s been four years. I also want to know why didn’t you ask right away? As soon as you returned to India, for example?

You may try her family. At this point, if she didn’t turn it over immediately, you could confront her and say “look, if you don’t have the money and are trying to raise it, just let me know. At least I’ll know what you’re doing. But just be honest.”

I don’t think she will respond well to your e-mail. You have lost a girlfriend, but if she took the money, good riddance anyway.

But this really bothers me:

And you left the money with her? No, no, no, no! Once you were broken up you should have immediately if not sooner asked for the money. “Well, since we’re broken up now, I’d like my money back. And my sweater. And my ring. And my lizard.” Or whatever else you gave her that you wanted back.

Forget her feelings. Start with her family, then hit a lawyer. Best of luck.

-Anaamika, female and *desi *(tho in the US).

You go away.
She has some expenses and thinks about using a small amount to pay for what she needs.
Soon shes done it a couple times, and then she starts thinking that your never going to meet again.
She spends the rest on things she couldn’t afford otherwise.
You ask for the $50,000 back, and she don’t have it.
There is no way that she has the money and is planing on sending it to you after 5 months of delays.

You have the legal right to take her to court, but it would be very hard to in your case, and expensive.

Hi, Sorry for the late reply, I don’t have internet at home.

Im not here to convince you. Thanks for your advice though.

No insult taken, its just a username. I know now I shouldn’t have left it with her, I don’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t ask for the money right away as it just didn’t matter which one of us had it. We were really close. At the time she told me that even if we break up, its gonna be safe with her. Its only when I asked her to wire me all of it, her tone changed. Ever since we have broken up, I have been asking for it.

Thats what I am starting to realize now. So who can a person trust? Nobody? Anybody can chage at any time? I never knew. They should teach this stuff at school.

Yeah, I don’t think there is any legal recourse. I guess I will just keep trying to call her family etc.

Thanks for your replies. :slight_smile:

That’s another good question, leading to a discussion of trust, levels of trust, and opportunities. Sometimes you have to act differently than you would like to, if you think the possible outcome of someone breaking your trust is worse than you care to handle. For example, you can trust your friend to pay back $20, because it isn’t the end of the world if they don’t. When it comes to trusting someone with $50,000, and they are left alone in a different country with it, and know that you can’t come back to get it, well, that isn’t a situation I would trust many people with. It’s like my cats; I’ve trained them not to go on the table, but I don’t tempt them too hard, like with putting tuna up there or something.

Well, I have nothing more to say except I feel for you a great deal. $50,000? Man my panic level would be through the roof! I hope for your sake you get at least part of it back.

Good luck, Badmash!

Don’t decide there’s no hope. I have no understanding of such legal issues, but I do believe that when you give someone a cash, legally it’s presumed to be a loan and not a gift, which means you probably are entitled to get it back. Whether there’s any practical way to do so I couldn’t guess, but you may at least have some legal grounds.

Well you already have insulted me. Care to explain what led you to make such a serious allegation?

Oh it does not matter, if it comes from a third world country, mentions money, mentions wire transfer and mentions a problem, its good enough.

Thanks for your handy translation of my username. Next time I will chose “MrNiceGuyDoGooder”. Better? Thanks for your kind words later on though.

Im gonna try to remember this. Thanks

I don’t think I can afford a lawyer. You are right not practical anyway. I will look into it though. Thanks.
I guess I messed up and now I must pay the price.
Its has not sunk in yet, I still keep hoping she will call me and just ask me to gift her the money. That’s gonna make it so much easier on me. I can survive without the money but trust in others and most of all in myself is going to be irrestorable. I can’t even complain though, there are people much worse off than me. In the interest of avoiding awkward dinner conversation for years to come, I have not told about this to my family.

Your posts confuse me. You reply to other people twice, with different responses each time. Good luck with whatever is going on with you.

I think this pretty much nails it.

You say you met this girl while you were in college…she didn’t by any chance wear pyjamas to her early morning classes, did she?
So, ok, enough of that.

Why didn’t you simply go home to India, open a bank account and write a 50k check to yourself? There was no need at all to turn over 50k in the manner that you did.

If your story is, indeed, truthful, I think you can kiss the money good bye. Can you even prove it wasn’t a gift, or payment for “services rendered”?
Calling her family will only result in a larger telephone bill.

Sorry, but your money is gone.

Like I said, I’m fairly sure he doesn’t have to, as the legal presumption is that it’s a loan.

Are you sure about that? From what I’ve seen in court in this State, the presumption is that without a written or witnessed oral contract, it is a gift. Are things different perhaps in other States?

Jesus Christ people, I agree that things aren’t looking up for our friend Badmash at the moment, but that was $50 K!

He has to make an effort to have his money returned to him!

Even if there’s only a small chance of him seeing all of his money returned to him it’s probably worthwhile to pursue it.

Again, contact a lawyer and see if you have any mutual friends that could possibly follow up on it, if nothing else to establish whether or not the money has indeed been spent.

If she’s a truly ethical person with a decent future earning potential, perhaps she would be willing to make some level of periodic payment against the debt.

Good luck!

A call to a lawyer doesn’t cost you anything. A call to a dozen lawyers doesn’t cost you anything. See if you can find one who will take the case on commission, in which case you’ll owe the lawyers maybe 30% of all recovered funds or something. Definitely better than nothing. Get the lawyer to find out the legality of your recording your next phone conversation with her, and the admissibility of that recording in court.

Consider that if you spend a thousand hours of your life in order to reclaim that money, you’ll get paid $50/hour to do so. This is not something to blow off.

Good luck!
Daniel

At the least, if you learn anything from the experience, you get to walk away with a Graduate Degree from the School of Hard Knocks, which is worth a hell of a lot more than any other sort of diploma out there. And once you’ve earned that degree, it can’t be taken away from you.

Not remotely sure at all. I think I got it flipping past an episode of People’s Court on TV.

I still think it’s worth speaking with a lawyer.

Ah, gotcha. I was just wondering if things were different in other areas; all I know on this subject is w.r.t. this State.

Thanks Daniel, good idea.
Everyone, Thanks a lot for your replies, it means a lot to me.
I will start contacting lawyers now and see if something can be done (after they are done laughing of course).

Have a great day :slight_smile: