Can you explain half of Pirates of the Caribbean 3? (unboxed spoilers)

Cafe Society
1

Half th movie I get. Jack Sparrow is crazy and really a hero but he’s crazy and sort of desperately coming up with stuff. His dad shows up. Barbossa lets out his “comedic” side.

Now, I may be underestimating the level of brilliance on display here, but half the plot is totally insane.

To wit:

There are a lot of random people being executed. Apparently Mr. East India Company guy went to the Hitler and Stalin Memorial Academy, as his major methods appear to revolve around massacring everyone not flying his colors. Apparently this scene was meant something, but I have no idea what.

But OK, the heroes need to get the map and a ship. And Chow Yun-Fat is PO’d. Barbossa shows his mad diplomacy sk331z. There is a rushing melee, and Will Turner turns out ot be bargaining the Black Pearl for his father’s life. I thought he needed to sell the compass, not the Pearl. More on this later. Chow Yun-Fat agrees.

They all travel to the Davy Jones’ Locker, which is a lot bigger than I though it would be, and not locked. Sparrow has gone even more nuts, and some rock crabs (ba-dum ksssh!) take off with the ship to meet our heroes.

There is a lot of various back and forth as the pirates put aside their differences, betray each other, and put aside their differences some more. Eventually they do so. Will has a nice lunch with the very unhappy-at-having-a-boss Davy Jones. For no sane reason, Evil East India Company guy puts his evil henchman and Commadore Norrington on Davy Jones’ Ship, conveniently making them ready to be killed off. That was kind of Mr. Evil East India Company guy, moving the plot along like that.

And apparently the freaky black girl is Calypso, and apparently Jones was her lover, and he went off to captain the Flying Dutchman forever, but he cut out his heart later on. Except we later find out that the Captain of the Dutchman always has his heart cut out. Or something.

Likewise, apparently Calypso is really PO’d at being imprisoned in human form, since she can only, uh… live immortally and bring back the dead (when it suits the plot?) and command… crabs (no comments there!). I’m not clear on how Calypso being “mortal” or not changes the situation.

There is a lot of yelling between pirates and people say the phrase Brethren Court like we’re going to forget if they don’t yack about it every 15 seconds. Sparrow’s dad shows up and I’m all, like, Dude, Schweet!.

Eventually things get decided and the Pirates go out to fight. Calypso is freed, but it seems she’s fickle enough to just try and mess with both sides. Davy Jones and Sparrow go into teh ultimate battle, and I has lots of funs watching it. Weird things happen, and Sparrow decides he doesn’t want to Captain the Dutchman. Instead of Boostrap stabbing the heart, they all stand around while Davy Jones slowly cuts out Will’s heart.

More things happen, and Barbossa is considerably nicer than the last time he left Jack hanging high and dry. Methinks that (a) Barbossa is having fun by this point, and (b) presumably he was cast into the raging pits of Hell the first time and would like to find a slightly more suitable eternal residence next time around. Will and Eluizabeth finally hit the sack, and probably spend an ample part of that “one day” making up for lost time, but I’m still thinking: uh, she’s gonna be real old, real soon. They better make Pirates 4 quick cause she’s gonna need the Foutain of Youth (and several rounds of CGI touchup)

So, did I miss somethign, or was this a very confusing movie?

2

Yarrrr!

3

I’ve only seen it once but thats pretty much what I got out of it.

4

Actually, Will stabs the heart (making him captain of the Dutchman) and Sparrow and company leave while Bootstrap cuts out his own son’s heart.

But otherwise, you got it.

Yaaarrr!

5

I think I answered this fairly well in this post in this [thread=422524]thread[/thread], which may have answers to some of your other questions.

Jones had been destroying ships from which Lord Beckett wanted survivors to “interview.” The oversight was necessary to keep Jones more in line.

Slightly sloppy writing. The crew cuts out the heart, all of them only knowing their previous captain’s situation, that of a cut-out heart.

Tia Dalma, the mortal form of Calypso, could use powerful magic, but that’s nothing compared to the power of a god. I mean, she made a big ass whirlpool!!!

Sparrow decides, after Jones stabs Will, that he could save Will’s life by having him stab the heart instead. It’s his “do the right thing” at the right moment he and Elizabeth were talking about in Dead Man’s Chest.

He does look like he’s having a blast. Your conjecture could be on the right track, but remember that they are all on the same side for the fight. He probably also remembers the pistol shot that he left Jack.

Did you watch the scene after the credits?

Far more confusing and convoluted than it needed to be.

6

There was a plot?

Through the mists of time, or at least a couple of months, my recollection says that you pretty much pegged it, including the lack of coherency and the confusion. I would have explained it more simply as a bunch of nearly random but entertaining action scenes connected by high buck cgi effects. (With the cgi scenes also often entertaining and action-like.)

7

Not much, and yes. Don’t forget that Will and Elizabeth get married in the middle of the climactic battle.

Ye scurvy dog.

8

and by Barbarossa, because he’s a Captain at sea.

9

Even though he’s not Captain of the Pearl.

You know, I spent so long defending this movie when it first came out and wanted so badly to like it, but now I’m comfortable with my annoyance at the level of screw-you-ery the writers seemed to employ when inventing this mess.

We recently re-watched Dead Man’s Chest, a FANTASTIC movie, and I spent most of the time yelling at the screen.

Example: Beckett tells Will he’s met Jack Sparrow in the past, “…and we’ve each left our mark on the other,” while evilly twirling the P pirate brand.
Will: “And what mark did he leave on you?”
Me: “GOOD QUESTION! Maybe it’ll be answered in the third film…OH WAIT.” :rolleyes:

10

The East India Company is the power on the seas now and has inacted martial law. Anyone even tangentially invovled in or accused of piracy can be executed. The song being song is a pirate song meant put out a warning/summoning to/for other pirates. Through ‘magic’ the song echoes through pieces of eight.

…you lost me there…I remember understanding the scene when I saw it but with all the double crosses I can’t remember which deal this was for.

Yeah pretty much…

They put a garrison on the Dutchman because Davy HATES having them there and he hates having the heart, his heart on the ship. It gives him…feeeellliiinnngggs. The human soldiers are there to destroy the heart and kill Jones if he acts up. Which at one point thye do and Jones finds that the heart is being guarded with two small cannons pointed at it.

It could be that when Davy cut out his heart he forever bonded it to the Dutchman…basically setting up that for then on all Captains of the Dutchman had to do the same.

Calypso made it quite clear as to WHY she could bring back Barbossa and not Jack. Barbossa was dead. Jack was “taken” by the Kraken. And I imagine there’s a big difference between being a sorceress and actually being a GOD.

Was there a question there?

…ummm… Not really. Jack is obsessed with living forever for some reason (I guess he loves sailiong that much) and he’s been plotting to take over the Dutchman since…ohh… since he got back from the Locker. When Davy mortally wounds Will, Jack does basically his only selfless and heroic act in all three movies (in the second Jack’s basically a villain from my poiint of view), he has Will stab the heart… killing Jones and taking his place and getting immortality. Bootstrap cuts out Will’s heart and puts it in the box. I assume the difference here is that Will isn’t betrayed by his love and isn’t bitter and will do his job so he won’t get all fishy and hate having the heart around (or did Elizabeth keep the heartwith her? I can’t remember)

Barbossa isn’t so bad in the first movie. He’s ruthless but his goal is pretty understandable. Lift the curse on him and his crew so they can FEEL again. He was willing to kill if he needed to but you never got the impression that he was EEEEVVVVVIIILLLLL. But yeah he is a bit nicer in the third one… Death can do that to you.

Oh it’s confusing alright… but not as bad as you seem to have found it.

11

I do get that, but it’s a ridiculous risk. Jones wasn’t willing to obey while being threatened with random death and any time, and I don’t understand why random death where said cause is right next to a pack of ghostly murderous killer monsters makes things better. Its a huge risk which makes no sense in context with Beckett’s characters.

I got why she couldn’t bring back Jack. Sort of. I mean, Barbossa’s corpse was sank in an island what cannot be found, which then sank beneath the waves. I’m not sure how she got ahold of it. But I’m really talking about Calypso claiming that “therewas nothing to be done” for the dead Governer dude floating by. Uh, if you can get back Barbossa’s rotting corpse, you’d think she could haul back the Guv’s.

Likewise, I totally understand WHAT happened in the dramatic final confrontation, but I don’t comprehend WHY Jack didn’t grab Bootstrap’s arm and have him stab the damned heart. Instead, Jack waits around while Jones, apparently for one last cruel stab (literally) at the heroes. I’m not sure why Jones would do such a stupid manuever, when it was clearly time to try a different tack, nor why Jack would freeze up at the time. I get Sparrow had a bit of a moral crisis, but he seems to have made up his mind already.

I was mostly shortening and condensing it into a brief form, because the long form was… long. My major confusion comes from characters’ motivations for doing what they did.

Likewise all, I did see the “hidden ending,” but I don’t see what that changes. She’s still gonna age.

12

The way it was explained to me was that Davey Jones wasn’t doing the Duty which was why he went all fishy. So long as Will does the Duty he’ll stay human.

What I want to know is why couldn’t Elizabeth join the crew of the Dutchman?

13

That was my question, too, Rysto. Because she wasn’t dead?

14

Seems like there’s an easily solution to that problem…

15

How come Barbossa was a “Pirate King” when he only got to be Captain of the Pearl for about 12 years through an act of Mutiny… Against another “Pirate King” (Jack), who therefore wasn’t the one who bequeathed his Kingly token unto him?

16

Who said she brought back Barbossa using his corpse? She summed him back the way most magic folks summon back the dead.

Elizabeth’s father didn’t want to come back. I think that was the major issue with that.
As for the second part… why didn’t Jack have Bootstrap stab the heart? Um, because Will would have died? It was the only way to save Will.

17

they never said Barbossa had never been a Captain before. He was just serving as Jack’s first mate when he mutinied… probably the reason why he was Jack’s first mate in the first place.

18

Even though Cecil says no dice (mostly): http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_329.html

19

I thought Barbossa survived the same way the monkey did. Because of something having to do with the curse.

20

'Gor, mon! That’s the entire reason for the movie! I seriously think that the only point that they had pinned down before writing the script was that Keith would be Jack Sparrow’s dad.

Not that it had anything to do with anything else in the story…