I just read somewhere the following: The Queen Mother on an occasion at the palace was being escorted by her friend Noel Coward . As they passed the house guards in ceremonial uniforms, she noticed his wandering eye and said, “I wouldn’t, Noel. They count them when they put them out.”… I didn’t want to ask for clarification at the other site for fear of appearing stupid. But since I’ve confirmed several times that I am stupid, right here at the SD, I will ask. Was she just referring to his eyeing the glamorous uniforms, maybe wanting one for himself?
Noel was gay, and she was saying that if he ran off with a guardsman, he’d get in trouble.
IANTQM but my speculation is that she was making a joke about Coward finding the guardsmen attractive and supposedly thinking about abducting one.
I believe it’s a reference to Coward’s homosexuality. Elizabeth probably thought he was flirting with the Guards.
Sounds like it’s also a backhanded reference to the old trope of having to “count one’s spoons” around a dishonest or untrustworthy person.
Yes, and the witticism is extended by it’s not been unknown for visitors to the Royal Palaces to take a “souvenir” when they leave, so it’s an allusion to things like the cutlery being counted to make sure it’s all there.
I think big roll is a common choice these days.
The Household Division had a reputation for conducting male prostitution in the nearby London parks, as well as mor conventional venues.
This is what I initially thought.
I know he was gay and probably checking the guys out, but the way it was worded, could possibly have meant she implied he wanted a flashy uniform to swan about in at home.
Well, he may have been thinking, “Ooh, I’d love to get a uniform off of him.”
The sexier meaning strikes me as more likely. The QM was quite accepting of gays on her own staff - I’m sure I read somewhere that when one was actually hauled before the courts, she sent him flowers with the note ‘Naughty boy!’
And there is a tale that when her pre-dinner drink had failed to appear she went below stairs to find it, only to discover a full-scale row in which one berated the other as “you old queen”, at which the QM coughed and said “If you’ve quite finished, this old queen would like her gin and tonic!”
I assume you mean bog roll, or do people brazenly pocket large baps at Buckingham Palace garden parties?
Kinda gives whole new meaning to “Trooping the colors,” doesn’t it? 
That wasn’t too far from some realities in the Forces - here’s the late Kenneth Williams reminiscing about his time in postwar Singapore:
Everybody knows it’s a man’s life in the modern Army!
