So, to make a sad story short, my family thinks my sister may have a drinking problem. She’s received six DUI’s over the course of two years and doesn’t show signs of stopping. Recently she had her license suspended and was thrown in jail for a night.
She still lives at home, with my mother, and does not pay rent. My mother swears she has looked into what rights she has as far as forcing my sister to go into rehab but keeps being told since she is not a minor she cannot be forced to go. This, to me, seems ridiculous. We’ve all heard stories of spouses and families forcing someone to go to rehab… why should their age make a difference?
So, my question is: Since she is still a dependent (i.e. living with my mother) can she be forced to go, even at the age of 27? The state is Oklahoma.
Okay, there’s different kinds of “force”. If you mean force someone with the rights and privileges of the law and government, I’m sorry, but you’re SOL. The only way that’s going to happen is if your sister is convicted of a crime and attending AA or some other rehab is required as part of the sentence.
The other kind of force is bring all your powers as a family to bear on your sister. Currently, she lives rent free. Nice deal. Your mom needs to grow a spine and make it clear: if your sister wants to live there - with or without paying rent - then she will attend AA. You and the rest of your family can back your mom up.
However, from all the stories I’ve read on this board, I doubt that kind of ultimatum will make any difference. Alcoholism bends the mind, and alcoholics are willing to do and put up with things the rest of us find appalling under any circumstance.
My best recommendation for you and your mom is to attend Al-anon meetings, where you can find support from others in the same situation.
The state may offer time off a sentence if the inmate completes treatment, but mandating treatment, even for the state, runs contrary to many court rulings. Court orders to treat against someone’s will are granted generally only when there is clear and present danger of imminent death.
And 6 DUIs in 2 years makes the diagnosis of alcoholism a near-certainty.
Six DUI’s in two years? I’m surprised that’s even possible. In Texas, the third and subsequent ones are felonies. My cousin recently got his third and got 6 years probation. If he does anything wrong, he’s going to a state penitentiary (however you spell that, I don’t want to look up a dictionary right now). It’s probably only because his boss vouched for him that he didn’t go anyway. I guess he should’ve moved a couple of hours north.
Thanks for the responses so far. Just for clarity’s sake, allow me to add a few things: It has obviously occurred to both of us that not letting her live there for free might be the way to go, but the concern is that she might fall deeper into the company she’s already keeping, which would not be good in the long run. Ultimately it’s my mother’s decision, and she just doesn’t know if she can essentially kick her daughter out onto the streets.
Also, the exact number of DUI’s she has received may not be six, but it is some ungodly number close to it.
Yep. Here, she’d have been in prison (not jail, prison prison) on her fourth DWI unless she could give a judge some very, very compelling evidence that she was very serious about dealing with her problem and deserved another shot at probation.
My only thought is that if you catch her actually unconcsious and unable to protest, you might be able to check her in somewhere where they might be able to dry her out. No idea, though, how long they’d be able to keep her when she came to – probably not very.
Talk to someone who specializes in family law, and ask about involuntary commitment. Possibly, after so many duis, some judge might buy the arguement that she’s a danger to herself or others?
By letting her live there rent-free because you don’t want her to “fall deeper into the company she’s already keeping,” you and your mom are protecting her from the consequences of her actions. If you really want to help her, allow her to hit her own bottom and realize she needs help. I’ve seen people literally protected to death by well-meaning family members.
So I second the suggestion to start going to Al-Anon. It’s there for folks just like you and your mom.
I agree about the living there rent-free. Let her hit bottom, as soon as possible. If she gets to the bottom sooner, she’ll have more time and a better liver when she starts getting better.
Just wanted to say thanks to Boyo Jim and everyone for the helpful information. I’ll check into that stuff. It makes it hard that I live in New York, so everything I do is long distance from the problem.
Some states also provide that next of kin or concerned relatives can seek and obtain a guardianship from the probate or family-relations court, if an adult is out of control (either due to mental illness, drug abuse, Demon Rum, etc.). The guardian can then, with the weight of the court behind him or her, require the adult to get help.
Call your mom and have her attend some Al-Anon meetings. Here is a list of Oklahoma City and surrounding cities Al-Anon meetings and here is a list of Al-Anon meetings in Tulsa and surrounding cities.
These help a lot.
Also, have you spoken to your sister? What does she say?
Funny you should ask. The last time I was home, in May, she joined me and my friends at a bar and got so wasted I had to drive her home. Of course, this wouldn’t have been a big deal if she had let that happen, but she started screaming about how she was fine and how dare I imply she was too drunk to drive. She ended up unleashing a barrage of insults and hitting me in the face. Good times!
I left the next day (as planned, not because of that), but three months later have still not received a phone call or email from her. And then just last week she received her most recent DUI and that’s when she was thrown in jail for the night. I’m sure the irony went unnoticed.
If the car’s registered in your mother’s name she can refuse to let her drive the car. If she’s paying her insurance, she should cancel it. Otherwise, you can attend Al-Anon. It’s a self help group for the family members of an alcoholic family. I know a few people in the program, and it’s definitely something that can’t be forced. You can’t police a 27 year old, but you can kick her out of the house. It’s a tricky situation
This seems to be the current most common advice, but I would mention that a number of people hit the bottom and then stay at the bottom. So, close relatives might not want to take the risk of pushing someone towards the bottom if the situation isn’t already very unpleasant for all involved. And in the case of the OP, there’s no mention of the situation being dire for the relatives.
There’s no guarantee that kicking the sister out will help in the long term. It might harm her in the long term. And will certainly harm her in the short term. It’s not an option that should systematically be presented as the best possible one.
My concern is that, with six DUIs, “hitting bottom” for sis could very well involve incinerating a family of five in a fiery collision. Kicking her out of the house is likely to result in her being behind the wheel even more than she is now. Regardless of whether she holds title to the car or not, I’d take her keys and her car battery.